


Nothing Compares to You

by LadyJaneGrey92



Category: The Holiday (2006)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Complicated Relationships, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Lovers to Friends, Profanity, Sex, Sexism, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-18 18:06:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 69,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20643422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyJaneGrey92/pseuds/LadyJaneGrey92
Summary: Jasper Bloom doesn't really believe that Iris Simpkins meant what she said when she threw him out of that big Los Angeles house.  After all, she never had been able to resist him before.  And, further to that...what on earth would he ever do without her?  He simply cannot imagine life without Iris.So surely she wouldn't really leave him...would she?Iris Simpkins has finally found her gumption!  She's thrown Jasper Bloom out on his ear!  She'd actually told him she was done being in love with him!  She felt so liberated!  So free!  But now she's had to return to England, and Miles and Amanda have gone home again.  The holiday is over.  It is a new year now, and that means going back to work.  And THAT means seeing Jasper again.But no problem, surely.  She'd thrown him out once.  She could bloody well tell him to kiss off again...couldn't she?





	1. Gumption

**Author's Note:**

> An exploration of what might have happened after the movie ended. Jasper, after all, seems to have a very hard time taking 'no' for an answer. And Miles is far, far away. Leaving Iris back in her normal life again. Will her experiences over her Holiday have really changed her for the better, or will she find herself falling back into old patterns again? 
> 
> This is a tribute to a fabulous movie. 
> 
> This fic stars Kate Winslet as Iris Simpkins and Rufus Sewell as Jasper Bloom. Jude Law plays Graham Simpkins and Amanda Woods is played by Cameron Diaz, both in supporting roles in this one. Miles Dumont is played by Jack Black.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Iris told Jasper off as she chucked him out of Amanda's house, he asked her what had gotten into her. She replied that it felt strangely like "gumption." Then we see his confused face as she slams the door on him, and Jasper is heard from no more in the movie. 
> 
> Our story picks up there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's been seven hours and fifteen days  
Since you took your love away  
I go out every night and sleep all day  
Since you took your love away
> 
> Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want  
I can see whomever I choose  
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant  
But nothing--  
I said nothing can take away these blues
> 
> 'Cause nothing compares,  
Nothing compares to you
> 
> It's been so lonely without you here  
Like a bird without a song  
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling  
Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong
> 
> I could put my arms around every boy I see  
But they'd only remind me of you  
I went to the doctor and guess what he told me?  
Guess what he told me?  
He said, "Girl, you better try to have fun no matter what you do,"  
But he's a fool
> 
> 'Cause nothing compares,  
Nothing compares to you
> 
> All the flowers that you planted, mama, in the back yard  
All died when you went away  
I know that living with you, baby, was sometimes hard  
But I'm willing to give it another try
> 
> Nothing compares  
Nothing compares to you..." (Sinead O'Connor, 1990)

Chapter 1

Gumption.

_Gumption_?

Jasper Bloom shuffled down the street, hands in his pockets, wondering what the hell had just happened, and what the hell had gotten into his sweet little Iris. He stopped. Turned back. Looked again at the large LA mansion he’d just been forcefully ejected from in utter bewilderment. He knew, of course, that women were occasionally prone to fits of unreasonable hysteria. Surely, he thought as he picked up walking, surely that was the reason. Must be her time of the month or something.

Had to be it.

Still. He had flown halfway round the world to see her. That should count for something, shouldn’t it?

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“Damn it, Simpkey,” he said out loud, shaking his head. What a merry chase she’d led him on. And here he was, £5,000 poorer, at Christmas, on the wrong side of the pond, and still without things resolved between them.

And what the hell was he going to tell Sarah?

Speak of the devil…

He answered his phone.

“Hallo Darling,” he said, running his hand through his hair again. “…No, everything’s fine! Why wouldn’t it be?….how was the interview? Oh! Fine, you know. I think it will be a great addition to the book, CEO of Sony Pictures and all…yeah’r I know…bad timing, at Christmas and everything. But it was the only time he could fit into his calendar, so, what could I do, you know?…Right….Right no, I’ll be home by…tomorrow, probably. Unless the flight gets delayed or something….Yeah…No, that sounds great. I love a Crimbo pud…your mother? No! No, that’s perfect! Why wouldn’t it be?…Look um, I’m…a bit…you know…tired and all. Jet lag…alright if I ring you in the morning? Well, your time, obviously…right. Well…I love you too. Can’t wait to see you….right. Goodnight.” He disconnected the call with a sigh of relief.

He turned, looked back at the mansion where Simpkey was staying. It was lit from inside, glowing practically. He contemplated momentarily going back and trying again. After all, she’d never really said no to him. Not really. And it would be lovely to be back on her sofa, with her soft curves pressed against him…and her lovely face smiling down on him…she truly was like an angel, he thought, and not for the first time. As a matter of fact he’d always rather considered her his own personal angel. An angel with…amazing writing and editing skills…who just happened to also be beautiful, and a really wonderful kisser, and utterly, superbly great--in every possible way.

Too great, really.

And God did she look hot in red. He chuckled, imagining her opening his present. Of course, he’d love to have watched her open it…loved to have watched her put it on too. When he’d seen it in the shops the day that he’d taken Sarah shopping, the little red lacy baby-doll nightie had screamed Iris to him. He’d taken Sarah home, popped back and bought it for her. And many strong fantasies later he still knew she would look scorching hot in it. He admitted to a certain degree of disappointment at not even getting to watch her open it. But…well. All in good time. He’d see it on, eventually. Then he’d lay back and watch her take it off…

Ohh God, yes!

He sighed.

Why the devil did she have to be so bloody difficult about it? What the devil difference did it make whether he was married or not, so long as they could still sneak off together when they wanted to? He’d be giving her equal time, after all. And loads and loads of his personal attentions, and…gifts and everything. Enough to satisfy any woman, surely. It wasn’t like he was taking anything away from her. Simply…spreading it around a bit. That was all. Not to mention the excitement of it all. Sneaking around. Stolen kisses in the lift. Glances across the room. A special secret, shared between them two.

Why did they all insist on exclusivity?

Well. He supposed in a way he couldn’t blame her. But he’d been honest when he’d said he was confused. How could he hold two women in his heart and need them both? But he did. If he could marry them both he would. He’d had the devil’s own time of it, trying to choose between them. In the end, he’d given up trying. Truth was he couldn’t forget her. He couldn’t stop thinking of her. Or remembering.

He had told her the truth. He did miss her. Looking up and seeing her smile, going round to visit her while she worked so diligently…it was like…well, like oxygen really. Didn’t know how much you missed it until suddenly you didn’t have any.

He missed her sweetness. He missed her smile. He missed her always being there—in the office, on the other end of his phone, or his email. There was an Iris shaped hole in his life these last few weeks that he didn’t like at all.

He found his hired car at last—a Jag of course, in brushed aluminium, because he would never drive anything else, hired or not--parked down the street a bit, so as to surprise her more. He climbed in and started it up, loving the deep throaty growl of the motor, and the thrill it always gave him to feel it vibrate up his arm. But this time he didn’t notice it so much, lost as he was in thought as he headed back for his hotel. He certainly hadn’t thought when he’d left it here that he’d be seeing it again so soon. He sighed. He’d really hoped not to see his hotel again at all tonight, but, well. He supposed that thought had been a bit ambitious, even for him.

Simpkey. In the red lacy babydoll nightie. In that wonderfully American monstrosity of house…all to himself. God it even had a pool. Course it did. He was in Los Angeles, after all. He lost himself momentarily in a daydream. Him. Simpkey. Skinny-dipping in her private pool, under the starry night, caressed by the warm winds that seemed to blow here continuously, even in December. Limbs entwined, wet and slippery. Wet kisses. Her breasts bobbing round and ripe and begging for his hands. His mouth. Wrapping her legs around him, sliding inside of her, hard and ready. Eager to watch her throw her head back and scream his name as her climax rocked her….

He shook himself. Bloody hell.

He sighed again. Right, okay. So he was more than a bit disappointed at the way things had gone tonight.

He told himself that it hadn’t been a wasted trip, though, not entirely. Iris would have a good think, would open his gift and see that he did care for her. And of course once she got home again, all would settle down and be just as it was before. She’d probably be texting sometime tonight anyway, to apologize, and perhaps he’d have to ring Sarah that his flight was delayed, after all. Of course he’d be willing to accept her apology—he already had. Already forgiven her for whatever this was. Clearly, she hadn’t really meant it. Not really. She could never stay cross with him. She loved him too much.

The thought made him smile. Sigh with contentment. Yes, she did love him, bless her. Course she did. And all lovers had their little spats, after all. This was nothing more. It didn’t even matter about the money or the flight. It had been worth it just to see her shining face again, however briefly. And soon she’d be back home, and at work, and all would be well again in his world.

He smiled. Simpkey! Good ole Simpkey. He chuckled to himself. No, if nothing else, this had proven that he just simply couldn’t do with out her. Couldn’t face every day without her in it. His personal angel. That’s what she was. And he needed her, plain and simple.

Yes. Iris Simpkins was necessary to his existence and personal well-being. Surely she would realize that in the end and all would be well. And soon enough, they would be popping over to Venice for a hot weekend, where he’d wine and dine her and they’d have wild, passionate, fan-bleeding-tastic sex without stopping, enough to blow her mind and show her what the possibilities between them could still be, despite his legally married status.

It would work out. Of course it would.

Wouldn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does Jasper always drive a Jag? There's a bit of an in-joke there for car enthusiasts...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyj9VMhE6oI
> 
> ...and really I think you'll agree, there could be NO other car for Jasper Bloom!


	2. Welcome Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris returns to work with a firm resolve...but is not prepared for what she finds waiting for her.

Chapter 2--Welcome Back

“Right. I can do this.”

Iris gazed sternly at her own reflection. “I can do this,” she repeated. “Jasper. It is over. I said it was over in LA and I meant it was over.” She sighed. “Gumption,” she said to her reflection. “Remember, you have gumption. And you have Miles.”

She smiled. Miles. He was so sweet. So charming.

“Now, you’re gonna remember me when you get back home, right?” he’d said, cocking that cute little smile.

“Of course,” she’d promised.

He’d kissed her, slow and sweet. And man, was he a good kisser! She’d fallen into his kiss a bit. She liked the feeling of his arms around her. He was cuddly, like a bear. Stockier than Jasper, but really nice to snuggle up and be close to. She liked his American-ness too. That bit of swagger in his walk. That lovely accent. He was just so comfortable. Things were just so easy and natural with Miles.

They’d decided to proceed slowly, of course. It was a long distance relationship to end all long distance relationships, dating from across the pond. But it wouldn’t be so bad. Amanda, after all, would be making frequent trips across to see Graham. And she’d already volunteered—God bless her—to bring Miles along. And they were both content to just see where things go.

And she was good with that. She needed to be slow. Unlike Graham, who’d fallen head over heels with Amanda, she was falling more slowly. Gently. She and Miles had not yet…well. And that was good. For both of them. Sex could sometimes really complicate things. Really make things far more intense then they should be for awhile.

Case in point, one Jasper Bloom.

She threw her head back and let out a muffled scream of frustration.

She returned to her reflection. Jasper. Nothing could be quicker to deflate a good mood than thoughts of her ex. There was nothing easy or comfortable about Jasper. There never had been. He was the sort of man that all women found irresistible. He had but only to look at her and she felt somehow absurdly honored to have been noticed by him. It was pathetic, really.

Or rather, she was.

Unlike it was with Miles, with Jasper, everything had been fireworks and cannon fire and searing hot passion. It had been fast and furious, a fairground chute that made for meltingly hot sex but freezing cold everything else. Constant second guessing. Self-recriminations. Paranoia and elation and…finally despair and betrayal. Predictably enough.

She just wasn’t the kind of girl who could handle a man like Jasper Bloom. Wasn’t the sort who could hold him, past a certain initial fascination stage. She wasn’t sexy enough. Thin enough. Glamorous or sophisticated or…probably…kinky and adventurous enough…for a man like him. She was far too ordinary. Too quiet. Too simple in her chosen life. And in terms of sex, well, she was probably far too wholesome in her preferences. She wanted a good snuggle. Talking. Caresses and soft words. But he was…too…much. He seemed to always find her tastes and desires lacking in some way. To avoid the parts of sex she liked the most—foreplay and cuddling afterward. No, with Jasper, one went straight away for the jugular. From zero to full sex in thirty seconds, and then once it was all over back to zero again. She just didn’t…operate that way. And after three years of punishing herself for not being enough for him, or doing it well enough to keep his interest, she finally had let it go.

Square peg, round hole. All completely true, no matter how conveniently he forgot saying it to her. No, her relationship with Jasper had always been toxic. At least on her side of things. He never ever seemed to get her. To understand her feelings and her needs. It was always just about him.

Not like Miles.

Miles got her. It was there in his soft brown eyes. He was a romantic at heart, was Miles. And she found him so refreshingly gentlemanly.

“So,” she told herself sternly in the mirror. “I can do this. I am done being in love with Jasper Bloom. With his flashing green eyes. With his slightly lazy smile. With his gorgeous voice and—” she screamed at herself. “Oh God! Stop it! Just stop! He’s a schmuck! And I am a leading lady! I am not a best friend! Not in my own life! No more! I threw him out once, I can do it again!”

She turned with decision and gave her dog a ruffle of his ears before heading downstairs. First days back at the office were always hard. But she would get through this. After all, she had gumption.

* * *

“What’s all this?”

Iris stood in her office doorway and stared in disbelief at her office.

At the balloons.

At the confetti on the floor.

At the streamers hung across her doorway like a curtain.

At the full vase of gorgeous flowers, and the steaming mug of Starbucks coffee on her desk, and the bow on top of her computer.

At the great big sign proclaiming, “WELCOME BACK IRIS”strung across the far wall.

At the gift on her chair.

“I think someone has really missed you.”

Iris turned to see her friend Anne.

“Did you do this?”

“Me? Oh, heavens no. You know I’m happy to see you but…this is a bit overboard for me.”

“Who then?”

Anne cocked an eyebrow.

Iris felt herself go cold. “Not—”

Anne’s face said it all.

“Hallo Simpkey.”

Anne turned and left with a significant look to Iris as Jasper strolled in. He was wearing her favorite color on him—a wine-colored jumper that somehow made his eyes flash even greener and more deadly than usual. He leaned on the doorway, arms folded across his chest, clearly pleased with his handiwork. He cocked an eyebrow at her and grinned.

“Welcome back.”

“Jasper!” She said, halfway between being appalled and being genuinely touched, she actually felt tears prick her eyes. “Did you do all of this?”

He shrugged. “Surprise.”

“Wh—what on earth—possessed you?”

“I just wanted you to know that you are valued and appreciated. And missed.”

“Well…that was really…kind of you. Thank you.”

“I thought we might—you know—start over. Fresh. You know—provided that you’re…feeling better.”

He stood there, blinking at her innocently, his head canted to one side, eyes wide and boyishly charming beyond reason. It was an expression that had always melted her resolve, destroyed her carefully constructed boundaries, and simultaneously seemed to erase all of his past transgressions at the same moment it made his beautiful eyelashes seem even longer.

Jasper Bloom. This man was single-handedly responsible for destroying her life from the moment they had met. And yet, despite it all—despite her knowing she was being manipulated—it was working. She stood there in her ridiculously over-decorated office, quietly and hopelessly drowning in his eyes.

It took some time for her head to clear enough to process what he’d just said.

“Wait—what? What do you mean, ‘provided I’m feeling better’?”

“Well,” he shrugged, never taking his eyes from hers, “Clearly the last time we met, you know, you were…a bit out of sorts. I just wanted you to know I didn’t hold any grudges, that’s all.” He sighed. “God, Simpkey,” he whispered, clearly drinking in her appearance. “I have missed you.”

She closed her eyes and forced herself to concentrate on his words.

“I was ‘a bit out of sorts.’ When I threw you out of Amanda’s home.”

“Well…yeah. Obviously. But it’s okay, Babe. I knew it was probably just a…monthly thing.” He shrugged and smiled. “Did you ever open my present?” He twiddled his eyebrows at her. “God I can’t wait to see it.”

She had opened it. And cried all night into the expensive lacy red nightie. Then deliberately left it behind, in it’s box. She and Amanda were almost the same size. Perhaps she could wear it for Graham sometime.

“Let me get this straight. You think that I threw you out of Amanda’s home because I had PMS? And you’re letting me know that you forgive me?”

“Well…yeah. I know there’s no way you could mean any of those things you said,” he chuckled.

She closed her eyes and thought of Arthur. Of Miles. Of Barbara Stanwick.

Gumption.

And more than that, she found to her delight that she was angry. Actually angry at him.

“Did it ever cross your sexist, egotistical, self-centered little mind that I might have meant what I said?”

“No,” he chuckled for real. “Of course not!” He shoved his hands in his pockets and swayed a bit on his feet, looking absolutely adorable.

“So. You did all of this…to let me know that you forgive me?!”

“Well, partly. I also wanted you to know how much I’ve missed you, you know. God you have no idea—how dreary it’s been around here without you. How utterly lost I’ve felt. Simpkey…” he stepped into her office. “God you are a sight for sore eyes. You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now.”

“Oh? And why don’t you?” She was furious now.

“Wuh—” he looked at her partly open blinds, and the office complex behind them.

“Oh. That’s right. Your fiancee might see. Or hear about it. Is that it?”

He shrugged and opened his mouth to speak but she did not give him a chance.

“Because her feelings are so much more important than mine.”

“Shh…Babe look. If we met for lunch somewhere…” he reached out to caress her arms up and down, but she moved away from him.

“And what are you going to tell her about where you are? That you’re out picking out a wedding present for her?”

“I’ll come up with something—”

“No.”

“No what?”

“No. I will not have lunch with you. Not today. Not ever.”

“Babe. You can’t mean that. I know you can’t.”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get. Out. Of my office. Of my life! Get out of here, Jasper Bloom! Get out and don’t come back!”

She shoved him. Tears streaming down her face. Why did his eyes have to be so luminous? So innocent? Why did his jumper have to be so snuggly soft beneath her hands? Why was his body so hard beneath that?

And why, for the love of all that was holy, did he have to smell so good?

“Simpkey…”

“I don’t want this! I don’t want you! Anymore. You don’t care about me! You don’t even care about Sarah! You only care about yourself! And I’m tired of crying over you! I’m tired of being miserable because of you! I’m tired of you treating me like rubbish on the bottom of your shoe!”

“I spent over £5,000 to fly to America to see you at Christmas! How is that me treating you like rubbish?”

“Because you are engaged to someone else!”

“I told you, I’m confused—”

“I don’t give a damn what you are! Work your issues out on your own! I’m through being your doormat. Get out, Jasper! And take all this rubbish with you!” She threw the bow from her computer at him. She threw balloons at him—for all the good they did, bouncing gently over in his direction. She tore down streamers and hurled them at him, scooped up a handful of confetti and peppered him with it. She would have thrown her chair at him if she could have lifted it. “Get out!”

“Okay! Okay! I’m going! We’ll talk later.” He threw his hands up in surrender and was backing out.

“We will not ‘talk later.’ There is no more later, Jasper! Don’t you get it? What part of ‘it’s over’ did you not understand?”

“Simp—”

“No. Don’t ‘Simpkey’ me. Don’t ‘Babe’ me or ‘Darling’ me either. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you. Why do you think I flew to Los Angeles in the first place? To get away from you!” She said as he opened his mouth to speak.

“You can’t mean that!”

“I do! And yet it seems there’s no where I can go to get away from you because you follow me! Damn it I’m so tired of it all!”

“Okay…look, I’m sorry, okay? Whatever I did…I’m sorry. Please…please don’t…you don’t mean this. Not really.” He was looking at her hard, his eyes registering shock. Her words finally penetrating his ego. “You can’t mean it. Iris?”

“I’m seeing someone else.” She said flatly, with a murmured apology to Miles.

They weren’t really ‘a thing’. Not officially. Not…bindingly. But she needed something to erect a barrier between herself and Jasper that he would possibly understand.

Her words found their mark.

Jasper stopped dead. His green eyes wide with shock.

“What?” He managed.

“I’m seeing someone else, Jasper. And unlike you, I happen to value loyalty. And exclusivity. And so does he.”

“No you…you don’t mean your…’seeing someone’, seeing someone?”

“I do, Jasper. His name is Miles. He’s an American. A musician. He works in the film industry. He composes music for film scores.”

She dabbed her eyes with her sleeve and took a deep breath. The color had drained from Jasper’s face, and he looked more stricken than she had ever seen him.

“It’s over, Jasper,” she said with more kindness in her voice. “You cheated on me. I found you in bed with Sarah--remember? You could have at least had the decency to break up with me first! You could have respected me and my feelings at least enough to do that. But you didn’t. And now you are disrespecting us both by being here. You hurt me! You broke my heart! Can’t you even see that? Doesn’t that even matter to you?”

“Of course you matter! You matter so much! Why would I have gone through all of this trouble if you didn’t?”

Iris shook her head. “You think this makes up for it? Makes up for me finding out from an office announcement that you’re getting married, when you’d been standing here not five minutes before and hadn’t the decency to tell me yourself!”

“I didn’t know he was going to do that, honest, I didn’t. I was going to tell you, truly. Just…you gave me such a wonderful Christmas present and…”

“Don’t remind me. What a fool I felt.”

“Don’t feel that. Don’t ever feel that. You are never a fool.”

“I am a fool. But no more.” She looked directly into his eyes, calling to mind all the pain he had caused her to steel her resolve in this. “You made it very plain years ago that you don’t want me. You’ve moved on. And now so have I. Miles is good to me. My feelings matter to him. He makes me feel good, Jasper. I enjoy being with him. He makes me feel better than I’ve felt for a long time. ”

“Iris…if you just give me a chance, I know that I can make you feel good too. It doesn’t have to end now. It really doesn’t. Not if we don’t want it to.”

“Oh my God!” she said, dropping her hands into her face. “Your ego really does know no bounds, does it? You have always thought so poorly of me as to think I’d go along with some scheme you have of keeping me on the side?” She was crying. Again. Damn it! “You can’t have us both, Jasper! And when you slept with her whilst we were still together…you clearly chose her over me. And when you asked her to marry you, you again chose her over me. You’ve made your choice already. I suggest you get on with living with it.”

“I—I don’t want to lose you,” he said, eyes serious. “I can’t live without you, Sim—Iris. I can’t. I know I can’t. You can’t ask me to.”

“Can. And have. Just like you asked me to when I found you with Sarah. When you miss me, remind yourself--you did this. You chose this for us. I didn’t. I would have stayed with you forever probably. But I wasn’t enough for you. You can’t have things both ways. That’s not how it works. You want me…but you want her more. So you don’t get me.”

Finally. Finally he seemed to understand. His eyes were on the floor. His mouth working as he thought. And something inside of herself—despite her words—curled up in pain. This really was it.

“If this is about marriage…”

“Yes it is! And it’s also about respect, Jasper. You have never respected me. Or you never would have done what you did. Treated me like you have.”

“I flew to Los Angeles to find you. Does that prove nothing?”

“What is that supposed to prove beyond your incredible selfishness?”

“That I…care for you. I thought it proved it anyway. Why would I fork over so much money for a last minute flight at Christmas if I didn’t miss you half to death!”

“Are you still with Sarah?”

He stopped talking. Took a deep breath.

“Yes.”

“Then you don’t miss me half as much as you should,” she said.

“So…this…American. It’s serious? You…like him.”

“I do. Very much. And yes. I think it is serious.” Again she muttered an apology to Miles, and hoped her bluff didn’t show in her cheeks.

“So. This is really it, then?”

“No. This is not ‘it’. ‘It’ happened long ago. You just refused to acknowledge it. ‘It’ happened when you decided you wanted Sarah more than me. This is just a memorial service.”

“I see,” he said, nodding, then running a hand down his face. He raised his eyes to hers then, and she was startled to see them shining with tears. “All this time you’ve been gone, I’ve been in hell. Not seeing you, not talking to you, not even hearing from you. All I could think about was you coming home. Now it seems…that I wasn’t in hell at all. Because then I had hope. I had the belief that we could...still be together. Now you’re telling me there is no hope. So…now, I’m in hell for real.”

“It’s a hell of your own making, Jasper,” she said, tears coursing down her cheeks. “It’s where I’ve been ever since that day. Its where you wanted me to stay, damn you, upon your carefully constructed shelf—a doll to take down and play with whenever your fancy struck you. Perhaps now you begin to understand what you put me through.”

“I never meant to--”

“Right.” She nodded.

He exhaled audibly, and looked as if he wanted to say something else, but turned on his heel and headed for the door instead.

“Good luck with Sarah, Jasper,” she said to his back, feeling her heart being ripped to shreds watching him go. “I wish you both will be very happy together.”

He raised his eyes to hers then. And she was astonished to see them shining with something like the pain she herself had been wallowing in all this time.

“Miles…is a lucky man,” he said, green eyes glassy as he left her office. “I hope…he deserves you.” He closed her door softly behind himself.

Iris moved his present off her chair, sat down and buried her face in her hands and wept.

Yes, she had her gumption. But it cost her everything to use it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dearie me. Seems a hopeless business. 
> 
> Or is it?


	3. Fresh Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise new assignment offers Iris and Jasper an unbelievable opportunity. However, the offer comes with strings attached...

Chapter 3—Fresh Beginnings

Jasper sat and stared at his computer screen without seeing it for most of the rest of the day. His mind a whirlwind of images. Simpkey in her hot red bikini, laughing in his arms as he captured her, melting into his kiss. The wind in her hair…lifting the fair, golden red strands until they floated around her face, caressing her cheek. God she had the softest, prettiest hair. The softest, prettiest lips. The most beautiful smile. The most gorgeous gray blue eyes he had ever seen.

The time he’d taken her to eat Italian and she’d launched a meatball right at his tie. The time she’d taken him to the theater to see Romeo and Juliet…the way she’d wept at the end. The movie nights they’d had at his flat, with her curled up next to him on the sofa. The day they’d gone boating along the Thames and she’d accidentally knocked him overboard….and then he’d pulled her in after him when she reached down to help him…God she’d been so cross about that! Jasper chuckled at the memory. But oh, how lovely she’d looked all soaking wet.

The weekend they’d spent in Scotland, poking among the historic piles of stone. She loved that sort of thing, and he’d enjoyed watching her excitement. And then they’d partied in Edinburgh during the fringe festival. That had been utterly brilliant. She’d got thoroughly plastered, and in one of the little nightclubs they’d danced and danced, her delicious curves mesmerizing him in the tight little number she wore.

Their first time making love had been that weekend. God how good it had been. But it had been more than just great sex. It had been deeper somehow. He’d felt her sink into his heart and make a place for herself there. It had frightened him a little, if he was honest. He’d not been prepared for that. He knew he liked her…knew he was crazy about her but…well. Something about Iris was different than other girls. Special. And he’d been unprepared for what that did to him.

Then there was the weekend he’d taken her to Paris. Wined and dined her, and they’d sat in the little bistro overlooking the Eiffel Tower, and she’d told him that she loved him. That was the first time she’d ever said it. She’d been so adorably flustered. He’d taken her back to their hotel and made love to her for the entire rest of the day and well into the night, banishing both their discomfort and drowning it in physical pleasure instead.

Truth was he’d been taken aback by that confession, more than he’d cared to admit. And perhaps that had culminated in his affair with Sarah. Perhaps…it wasn’t just her saying it. It was that he couldn’t say it back. Not because he didn’t feel it, but because he did. And he didn’t know what to do with the way he felt then. It had frightened him.

It frightened him now.

Had he pushed her away, deliberately? Afraid of what she made him feel? Of what was blossoming between them and what it meant? Afraid perhaps that…he couldn’t be the sort of man who could keep a woman like her. He was bound to screw it up eventually. Perhaps he’d thought he’d do her a favor, doing it now instead of letting her get all invested with him and then doing it later.

But she had been invested in him already. She had been in love with him. And he’d blown it. Sky high.

He’d really hurt her. And as the afternoon wore on, Jasper Bloom sat reliving it all, and letting himself feel for the first time the full brunt of how much he’d hurt her.

It didn’t feel good.

It burned inside of him, like an acid, eating its fill of his inner landscape. Scene by scene, he relived it all. The moment he’d looked up and seen her there, the raw pain and shock in her face as she’d caught him and Sarah at it. Her tears. The endless tears he’d put her through. The months—and years—that followed. His careless disregard for her feelings--feelings he didn’t know how to handle. What to do with. Was afraid of. His own and hers.

Her face at the office party when his engagement was announced. One glance he’d allowed himself at her. And one glance had confirmed she was devastated. And like the berk he was, he didn’t know what to do with her devastation. But he felt it. Pricking him in his conscious. Pricking his heart as well. She’d just given him the greatest Christmas present ever. None of his other gifts had topped it. Thoughtful, sweet, gentle Iris. And what had he given her in return?

More tears.

Jasper shook his head, her words to him in Los Angeles, and then this morning, ringing around his head. Hammering at him. He did not put up any argument. He let her words rain down upon him, blow for blow.

He had earned every one of them.

And for the first time since the day she’d found out about Sarah, Jasper began the slow, painful process of realization.

Iris was gone. Truly gone.

He deserved nothing less.

* * *

Iris made her way home. Thankfully, she had seen no more of Jasper for the day. But her second break up with him in so many days had left her feeling spent and weary. It hadn’t been a productive day at all. She’d barely just opened all her email. What she wanted more than anything was to talk to Miles, but she knew it was late where he was. She couldn’t call him up now.

She traipsed through her door, gave her dog an affectionate patting, and stumbled over to her teapot. A strong pot of tea is what she needed. And perhaps some soup. Then a bath. And bed.

She absolutely, categorically, did not need to think. Mechanically she went through her evening, feeling numb to everything. She dropped into bed, still numb. She woke the next morning, and numbly made her way back to work again.

It was a vicious cycle, but after awhile the pain began to lessen a little. She even started to feel good. Then after a few weeks, the cycle was unceremoniously interrupted.

“Simpkins. A word please, in my office.”

It was her boss—her editor, Steve. She sighed and followed him, and was astonished to find Jasper standing there already.

“Simpkey,” he said, nodding his head at her in greeting.

“Jasper.” She lowered her eyes away from his.

He had honored her request and kept away from her. But whenever they happened to end up in the same room together, she could feel his melancholy rolling off him in waves. He had been telling her the truth in LA it seemed—he did miss her. But he didn’t miss her enough…not enough to break it off with Sarah. It hurt her heart still. But she remained firm in her resolve to hold him at arm’s distance. And mercifully, moments like this where they were thrown together were relatively rare. So she focused her eyes on her boss, and refused to acknowledge the pair of very round, very green eyes on her.

Her boss closed the door.

“Well, there’s no point in beating around the bush, so I’ll lay it out there,” he said, folding his hands on the desk. “Congratulations, both of you, on your promotion.”

“What?” They both said more or less simultaneously.

“Your columns have been an unparalleled success, both of you, and earned a large readership. So the editor-in-chief wants to try something new. And if it works, it could mean syndication for you both.”

“Syndication?” Iris said, and turned to share a smile of joy with Jasper, momentarily forgetting her pledge to herself that she would not speak to him unless absolutely necessary.

“Really?” Jasper said, pulling a face of surprise and smiling into her eyes.

“Yes. Really. You know it’s been some time since we’ve lost our travel blogger to The Guardian.”

“No! Oh my God--you can’t be serious?”

“I am. Iris, column’s yours if you want it.”

“I do! I do want it!”

“With one condition.”

“What?”

Her editor was silent. And Iris blinked at him a few times in confusion, and then comprehension dawned, and her heart sank.

“No…” she said, shaking her head.

“What? You mean we--would be--working side by side? Shoulder to shoulder?”

Iris didn’t have to turn around to hear the excitement in Jasper’s voice.

Her editor rocked on his heels, and nodded.

“On a travel blog?”

“Norm feels that the blog would be stronger if you both worked together. Give it a--couple--kind of feel to it. You know the sort of things—getaway vacations. Places that are off the beaten track. Adventure holidays. Trying something new. Jasper’s got an adventurous spirit, and is pretty much game for anything, we know this. While Iris, you’re more cautious. You could run a feature where you try new things. Take turns introducing each other to new experiences that the other is not particularly comfortable with, and then blog about it in your column.”

“But--Steve--we’re not a couple,” Iris said. “Jasper’s about to get married--wouldn’t it be better if he blogged his experiences with Sarah instead? A family angle?”

“But Sarah’s not a writer, Luv, and she doesn’t have a built-in readership like you do. And you’re both friends. You don’t have to be romantically involved to work together. You work well together, I’ve seen it. The both of you seem to call out of the other one that little something extra that you don’t get on your own. And each of you bring to the table your own readers. Norm feels this could be huge for you two, and I agree. This could be what really launches you both.” He sighed. “Look. I know you’ve had a rough patch lately, but isn’t it time to bury the hatchet? For the sake of your careers, if not your friendship? I don’t like to think of either of you missing out on something this big because you’ve had a falling out, huh?”

Iris, in the privacy of her head, screamed. Shouted down the heavens. Why, for the love of all that was holy, could she not stop from being attached at the hip to Jasper Bloom?

She would not cry. She would not. She would not she would not she wou—

“So--we work together,” Jasper said, pointing back and forth from himself to her, “From now on? Exclusively? Traveling and blogging on our experiences?”

“That’s right.”

“Do we get to pick where we go?”

“Perhaps. If this takes off the way we think it will. But here at the start of it, we’ve chosen a place that we think would be a great jumping off point for you.”

“Where?”

Jasper sounded way too eager already. Iris bit the inside of her cheeks, and tried to pretend that she did not hear the sound of her entire existence crumbling down around her.

“San Ignacio,” Steve said. “In Belize. To a beautiful five star resort—Blancaneaux Lodge.”

“Belize?” Iris said, aghast. “What, in South America?”

“Central America, actually,” Jasper put in. “Just on the coast of the Caribbean Sea. Between Mexico and…Guatemala I believe it is.”

“It ticks all the boxes. It’s exotic and tropical. It’s off the beaten path. And its a former British Commonwealth after all, so it’s national language is English, although that doesn’t mean you won’t get a chance to use your linguistic skills, Jasper. It’s a tourist destination that’s on the up and coming, and the resort is to die for. So it makes for a good litmus test. You both have passports up to date, I assume? Simpkins I know you do. Jasper?”

“Of course! And--the paper’s paying for us to go there? All expenses?”

“That’s the way it works. Airfare and accommodation. And a daily allowance for food, and the cost of any experiences you undertake for the sake of the column is refundable upon submission of receipts. Anything else is on you.”

“But…Steve,” Iris said, trying again. “Surely…Jasper can’t just go skiving off to Belize. And with me? What will Sarah say?”

“Sarah’s a professional. She’ll understand. It’s for work after all.”

“But they’re about to get married, for God’s sake! It just feels…inappropriate. Can’t Sarah come too?”

“Sarah’s got her own job to take care of, and as this is your new, exclusive assignment from now on, the pair of you--I expect she, and you, Simpkins, had best get used to the idea.”

“Sarah’ll be fine about it. She’s very…understanding.”

Iris closed her eyes in pain.

“So I take it you have no objections then, Jasper?” her editor asked.

“Me? No, not a one! When do we leave?”

“One weeks’ time. You’ll find all your travel details here, along with the tickets,” he handed them each an envelope. “You’ll be there for one week. So. Finish up your last columns, you two. And be sure that your last submission contains a sign off and points your readers to your new travel blog. Oh and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to write an intro to that and post that before you go, just to let your readers feel a bit of anticipation, you know the sort of thing. Then there’ll be some excitement already stirred up for when you get back.”

Iris left her editor’s office feeling positively sick to her stomach.

“What about that, then?” Jasper said, coming up behind her, standing, as usual, far too close. “Can you believe it? What a great gig we’ve just landed!”

“Tell me one thing, and be absolutely honest with me, Jasper Bloom,” she said, turning to face him. “Did _you_ do this? Is this your idea—did you in _any way_ engineer, nudge, suggest or outright push Steve and Norm in this direction whatsoever?”

“No. Scout’s honor, I did not.”

“But you were never a scout.”

“I swear it on the beating heart of my XJ-L that I did not.”

“Right,” Iris sighed. If there was one thing in his life Jasper truly did love, it was his Jaguar. “I suppose you didn’t, at that.”

“Try not to look so happy at the idea of working with me,” he quipped. “Iris…is it really such a terrible prospect to you then? We do actually work well together. Or…at least we--we did, once.”

She turned to him, and was astonished to see something like hurt in his eyes. “Under these circumstances…yes Jasper. It is a terrible prospect. I’m sorry but I can’t pretend otherwise.”

He dropped his eyes, and she saw his shoulders sag. “Look, I—”

“—Don’t. Just…don’t. We’re stuck with each other and that’s all there is to it. We’ll just have to try and make the best of things, I guess. No matter how we feel about it.”

“Right. I suppose so.”

“Well. I have things to do, apparently. I suppose I’ll see you later.”

She turned and walked away from him, without waiting for him to respond. Well, she thought morosely as she made her way back to the office, at least he was finally no longer pretending as though nothing had happened. She supposed that was progress, of a sort. Perhaps now they could now finally keep things strictly on a business level, even if they were in Belize.

Predictably enough though, the thought did not bring her much comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot more to come for Iris and Jasper! 
> 
> Comments are loved and appreciated!


	4. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Jasper and Iris prepare to go on assignment together in Belize, they cannot help but reflect upon the past, and wonder what the future has in store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been awhile since the last update. But there's more to come for Jasper and Iris. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 4—Reflections

Jasper sauntered out of the office, whistling happily. Just when he had thought all was lost, Fate had truly smiled on him again. A whole week with Simpkey, all to himself! In a remote, romantic-sounding place in Belize. And completely paid for as a work expense!

True, things weren’t exactly all roses between them at the moment. And he was keenly aware now that she wanted nothing to do with him. But he couldn’t help himself feeling optimistic anyway. More optimistic than he’d felt since the welcome back fiasco. Now that they would be away together, he knew she'd come round. Had to, didn't she? Course she did. She'd come round, and all would be well again. 

Happily he went about his business of the afternoon, popping out to the shops for new, warmer weather clothing, and, in a fit of enthusiasm he could not curtail, bought a small present for his new partner. This time, he tried to buy something thoughtful and not inappropriately sexy. It had been hard to do, but he’d been pleased with his decision. Perhaps he’d have a chance to give it to her in Belize and maybe start things off on a better foot again.

Out of guilt, he bought something for Sarah, too.

_Sarah._

Trouble was, he didn’t know quite what to do about Sarah. About both of them, really. Since Iris had left for LA, his head had been in a whirl, the equilibrium of his entire existence completely uprooted. And since she'd booted him out of that LA mansion, his confusion had been deeper than ever. So much so that he’d finally had to go so far as to talk Sarah into postponing their wedding for a bit, buying himself a little more time to try and sort himself out before he’d have to commit entirely. 

But nothing seemed to help, and every day that went by saw him at least as confused as the day before, if not more so. Why was it so bloody difficult to decide between them? Other men made decisions between two women all the time. Why could he not?

They were both so radically different from each other. Maybe that was part of it. And he liked their differences. Each of them complimented and completed him in an entirely different way. 

Both were beautiful, desirable, and utterly hot. 

Sarah was sexy, refined and polished, but with a naughty streak a mile wide. He liked that about her, that mixture of refined socialite by day and naughty temptress by night. As the only daughter and heiress of her father's fortune, Sarah didn't really need her job at the Telegraph. She took a position in Circulations because she liked to organize things and she loved journalism, pure and simple. But it was more of a hobby with her. She had piles and piles of her own money. And for the life of him, he didn't know why, when she could have her pick of London's elite business society, she'd contented herself to slum it with him. But he liked living large with her. She was sexy and polished, smooth and sleek like a jungle cat. Urbane. He'd never been with a girl like her before. He couldn't help being fascinated by her. 

But Iris though...Iris was completely different.

Iris's sexiness was in her pure feminine softness. She was sweet. Lovely. More wholesome. Simpler. She was the kind of woman a man wanted to snuggle with, to curl up with on cold snowy nights, to wrap his arms and his body around and never let go. The kind of woman he wanted to be the mother of his children. That he could talk to and be easy with, to share his hopes and dreams and disappointments with. The kind he always felt safe giving his heart to, as well as his body, and with whom he could have a real meeting of the minds. The kind of woman he _wanted_ to come home to, and when he was with her, he felt he truly was _home_.

Two more different women it was hard to imagine. And God help him, he wanted them both.

And so, he’d found himself swinging on a wild pendulum between them and their different worlds. Sarah's world, though fascinating, could be rather cold. As could Sarah herself at times. And so he would inevitably find himself seeking out Simpkey. Skiving off to lunch with her, craving her smile, her voice, her beautiful face...her beautiful self. Needing her. Needing the comfort and warmth only she could give him. 

This job, then, was a dream assignment. A way that he could be with Iris and Sarah couldn’t complain. It was for work, after all. And for them to be sent away together for their work? On a perpetual holiday? One after another?

He couldn't think of anything better than that.

And this first excursion, to wildly exotic Belize, offered a chance maybe for them to finally patch things up. To fix things between them so that her eyes lit up again when he came in the room. A chance to finally clear out this...static between them. Get things back where they should be. Where they could talk for hours and just...hang out together. Order a pizza and curl up on the sofa watching movies together. To just be real for a while, the way he couldn't be with Sarah. Sarah, who had never ordered nor consumed a pizza in her life, and would never allow for food to be taken into the sitting room. 

Not so with Iris. 

God how he missed her. How he missed being with her. 

No, things as they were currently were unbearable. Something had to change--that was all there was to it. He simply couldn't go on like this. Couldn't bear this wall of hostility she'd erected between them. Surely with a week worth of playtime ahead of them both, he'd be able to bring her walls down? He needed her so desperately badly…he needed his Simpkey back in his life again. Back in his arms again.

And this was his chance to make it happen.

* * *

“Oh my God.” Graham said in shocked disbelief. “You _are_ joking. Tell me you are joking.”

“I wish I was!” Iris wailed as Graham filled her wine glass again. “God how do I always—always—get stuck with Jasper Bloom! I finally manage—at great personal sacrifice—to kick him out of my life, only to have the entire cosmos frown upon me and put him right back in it again, where I can’t remove him? Why is my life so inextricably tied up in his?”

“I don’t know, Sis,” Graham shook his head in sympathy. “Truly I don’t. You’re positive he didn’t engineer this somehow?”

“Pretty sure,” she said nodding. “He did look genuinely surprised. And he swore he had nothing to do with it. On his Jaguar.”

“Oh well, in that case, I suppose he didn’t. Still. Belize though! Hmm, perhaps Amanda and I should go as chaperones?”

“I would love it if you could!”

“Well. I daresay if we did, it would only postpone the inevitable.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“That I’m afraid as unpleasant as it sounds, this is something that the two of you are going to have to work out. Now that your fates are so entwined—”

“—Don’t. Use that word,” she said, closing her eyes.

“Sorry,” he said with a wry grin. “Didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know. Its just…”

“Well. All I meant was this is the first time that the two of you are going away together on assignment, but it won’t be the last. You are going to have to come to some kind of understanding. Put some boundaries between you. Work it out so that you can both work together comfortably and still not cross any lines.”

“Jasper doesn’t acknowledge any boundaries between us. He blasts through every damned one I ever try to erect.”

“Yeah well…there is that. He knows how to get to you. Just keep putting him in his place. That’s all you can do really.”

“That’s easier said than done.” Iris threw her head back against the sofa. “God, and what am I going to tell Miles?”

“The truth. You tell him the truth. Keep it all above board.”

“I suppose so.”

“Come on, Sis. You can do this.”

She sighed. “That’s just it. I don’t know if I can. Its one thing to ignore him in the office. But going away with him where there’s no one else to talk to and we actually have to…_work_ together! I just feel so doomed.”

“Well. Perhaps he’s got the message already. You said he’s left you alone mostly. Maybe he’ll leave off and surprise you.”

“He’s already started again.” She said with a shake of her head. “God, Graham. I hate my life! I feel so trapped!”

“Well. Perhaps you are. To a point. But maybe this whole working together arrangement just doesn't pan out, for one reason or another. And then when you get back, you can…extricate yourself. Go back to working solo.”

She shook her head morosely. “Not a chance. The problem is, we do actually work well together. The column is bound to be a success. If I back out of this, it destroys my chance—and his—of getting a syndicate. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Uh…yes, it would be! If he’s an arse to you while you’re there, then he’s sabotaged his own chances. Totally fair. You don’t have to stay shackled to him out of some misbegotten sense of duty.”

“I suppose you're right.” She buried her face in her wine glass, taking another full swig.

“The only part that isn’t fair is that you have to put up with him to get your shot.”

“Also true. Oh God, Graham! What am I going to do?”

“You make it work. The way you always do.” He chucked her on the arm, making her smile. “And if he doesn’t behave, you can always call on your big brother for protection. You know…if you want me to rough him up for you.”

“No I most certainly do not!”

Graham regarded her a moment, crossed his arms over his chest and sighed.

“What? I know that look.” Iris said.

“What look?”

“That I’ve-got-something-to-say-but-you-aren’t-going-to-want-to-hear-it look.”

“I suppose I do. Can I give you a bit of advice? You _aren’t_ going to want to hear it and I feel almost like a traitor even saying it. But I still think it’s valid and needs saying.”

“Right. Go on then.” She closed her eyes as she gripped the stem of her wine glass in both hands. "Out with it. I'm braced and ready."

“Listen to your heart.”

She opened her eyes and cocked an eyebrow at him.

“What was that?”

“I know it sounds crazy,” he shrugged. “I’m not trying to advocate for him at all. But I can’t help wondering…what if there is a reason why you both cannot get the other one out of your systems?”

She groaned. "God Graham! Don't even say it!"

“I know I know. But let me play devil’s advocate for a moment. What would it take for you to get back with Jasper?”

“Him breaking off his engagement to Sarah for a start!”

“Okay given. So, let's just say he does break up with Sarah. Clean break. No more engagement, no more anything. If they're living together than he moves out. Absolutely over. Would that be enough?”

She thought for a moment. “No.”

“Why not?”

She twirled her glass around in her hand thoughtfully. “Because. I could never trust him again after what he did to me. I would forever be wondering if I was going to turn the corner and find him…shagging someone else…or even Sarah again! God even after all this time, I’m still crying over that day! I’d never recover if he did it to me again! I’d be the world’s biggest idiot anyway.” She dabbed at her eyes. “I cannot tell you how sick I am of crying. What the hell is wrong with me? Who the hell cries over a man she lost three _years_ ago that she knows isn’t worth it anyway?”

“I’d tell you, but then you’d hate me for it.”

“I’d never hate you.”

“You’re still in love with him,” Graham said simply.

“I’m not! I know I’m not! I have moved on!”

“You did move on—temporarily--when you were in LA. But its one thing to say it when you’re on the holiday high, its another to come back to earth again and have to live with it.”

“Yes. So I’m discovering.”

“You can’t purge him from your system on the strength of how you felt when you were in LA. That feeling won’t last, and neither will the purge. Truly getting over someone you’ve loved for a long time takes time. It’s not something you can rush, or even just declare. But what your holiday did do is start you on the road to recovery. And in time…you’ll get there. I’m sure of it. Even if you have to go through with this trial by fire.”

“Its so unfair. All of it. Why wasn’t I enough for him, Graham?”

“Because he’s a colossal bell end, that's why, and he’s not worthy of you,” he said, standing up and planting a brotherly kiss on her forehead. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t still love him.”

“I can’t do this! I just can’t! I can’t go to Belize with Jasper Bloom! I can’t!”

“You will though. Because you have to. Just…remember what you learned in LA. You can do this, Sis. You can be stronger than you think.”

“He wants us both, Graham. He wants to marry her and keep me on the side.”

“He doesn’t want much, does he?”

“He’s the most selfish man on planet earth.”

“Or…” her brother said, filling her glass again. “Underneath it all, he’s still very much in love with _you._ And hasn’t had the courage to face the fact.”

“But…if that were true, why the hell is he with Sarah? _Marrying_ Sarah? It doesn't make sense!”

“Because if he wasn’t with her, then he’d have to deal with how he hurt you. And what a bastard he truly is.”

“I don’t follow.”

“I think that underneath it all, he’s very aware of how comprehensively he screwed up and hurt you. And that he deserves to lose you forever. And I think he can’t quite face that. So instead of attempting to deal with it, he hides from it. And by staying with Sarah and marrying her, somehow that justifies his decisions to himself. And means that he doesn’t have to stop and face the truth of what he’s done to you. But at the same time, his heart can’t let go of you, because deep down he knows you’re too wonderful to be real. And you, being your beautiful, sweet and wonderful self, he can’t stay away from you either. You, my dear sister, are not the kind of woman a man gets over easily. You tend to fall into that 'once in a lifetime' category.”

“Spoken like a true brother. I almost wish I could believe that. Unfortunately…” she smiled ruefully and downed the contents of her wine glass. "I think I fall more into that 'doormat' category."

“It is a possibility, I agree. And one you are very wise to be mindful of. But all I am saying is this--if you and Jasper are meant to be, then no force on earth can stop it happening. Not a thousand Sarahs, not Miles, and not all the ‘gumption’ in the world. And if you aren’t meant to be together, then somehow, you will both find your way to dealing with your past history together, and be able to put it behind you for good and all. But one thing is clear, Sis. This drama between you both isn’t going to be over until one of those two outcomes comes to pass, and I don’t care who you both marry. You can each marry the most perfect person in the world, but if you both have unresolved issues with each other, those issues aren’t going to be put to rest simply by saying ‘I do’ to someone else. Perhaps this little jaunt will be the catharsis you both need to find out which it’s going to be—one way, or the other.”

“You’re probably right.” Iris smiled wanly. “Whatever would I do without you?”

He smiled. “Well that’s just it. You don’t have to. I’m the one man in your life that isn’t going anywhere. Ever.”

She laughed. “Well. I’m glad of that at least. Oh God. I just don’t know what to think right now. What to feel. I’m scared, Graham. Truly I think that’s what I am. Scared to bloody death of this.”

“Understandably.”

“What if we don’t resolve anything but I end up shagging him again anyway? What if I cave? I think that’s my biggest fear.”

“Somehow I don’t think you will.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” she downed another glass of wine.

“If you end up shagging him, mark my words, it will be the end of Jasper and Sarah.”

“Why? It wasn’t before.”

“Because now he knows what it is like to lose you for real. And I predict, it's eating him alive. And if that is true, and he ever gets with you again, he’ll never want to let go. You are special. And I rather suspect Jasper Bloom knows that, on some level that perhaps even he cannot entirely pinpoint. It's why I think he can't let go of you, even when he's lost you. Even when he's set to marry someone else. He knows deep down inside on some subconscious level that you are the best thing that ever happened to him. And if he ever lets go, then the man he could have been--the life he could have had with you--will be gone forever. And he can't face that."

“I wish I could believe that. I might just jump in his lap the next time I see him.” She threw a hand over her mouth. "God, what am I saying?"

“Well, I wouldn’t recommend that for sure.”

"I can't do this! I so can't do this! Look what just flew out of my mouth!"

Her brother nodded. "As I said. Unresolved issues. Think of it this way--it wouldn't be fair to Miles, would it, to be with him until you get all this sorted one way or another. Unpleasant as I know it feels--you have to go. You have to find out."

“Why are men such bastards, Graham? You’re not a bastard. You’d never do to anyone what he did to me.”

He shrugged. “It’s not only men who are bastards. Take Miles's Maggie for a start. I think anyone has the propensity to be utterly selfish and conveniently obtuse about it if they want to be.”

“True.”

“I could be completely wrong about him too, you know. Maybe he _is_ just a two-timing man-whore who just can’t keep it zipped. There is that possibility.”

She chuckled a little at this.

“Sometimes I think he is. Then I accidentally find myself looking into his eyes, and then I…I know he isn’t that at all. But no matter. He doesn’t want me. Not enough. Not like he wants her. You’d think three years later I’d be able to stop moaning about it.”

“Which rather leads us back to where we started, don't you think?”

“Which was?”

“That this trip might just be a blessing in disguise for you both. One way, or another.”

“I suppose you’re right. A chance to finally put this whole thing to rest. But what if it doesn’t work? What if nothing works except that I go on feeling this way forever? Watching him and Sarah get married…have children! What happens when he’s someone’s Daddy?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have any simple answers. I wish I did. But all I can tell you is—you have to go and find out.”

“It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?” She sighed. 

"There's nothing simple about it. But you need answers. And for that, you need a chance to be with Jasper, alone. For you both to discover and explore what those answers truly are. To be truly and brutally honest with each other. Then when you get back, you’ll know more about how you both need to proceed.”

She gave him a watery smile. “I know you’re right. As always. Thank you, Graham.”

“Anytime Sis. Anytime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your comments are appreciated!


	5. Santa Ana Winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Havoc is officially wreaked in both of their lives as Jasper tries to explain to Sarah about his new assignment and Iris gives Miles a call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Profanity warning*
> 
> This chapter contains offensive language. I'm sorry in advance, but it was left in on purpose to establish the character of the speaker. I hope I can be forgiven..

Chapter 5—Santa Ana Winds

“Hallo Darling,” Jasper hung his coat on the rack and kissed Sarah’s cheek.

“You’re late, Jasper,” she said with a sigh, crossing her arms. “Dinner’s in half an hour, you’ve barely enough time to get changed and wash!”

“Yeah sorry about that. I’ll just go and start…doing that, shall I?”

“Not so fast,” she said, arching a perfect eyebrow. “Just where have you been all this time?”

“Out. At the…shops. I’ll tell you about it later. I don’t want to be late…keep…dinner…waiting.”

He heard her tsk of displeasure as he launched himself up the stairs two at a time.

“Decorum, Jasper! One stair at a time, please? We do not live in a barn!”

“Right. Sorry.” He slowed his steps down and marched like a dutiful little tin soldier up the stairs and towards their room and tried not to roll his eyes, at least until he was out of her line of vision anyway.

“And you’ve left your keys on the table _again_!” She called to him from down below. “How many times must I tell you they go on the_ peg_!”

“And how many times do I have to tell you ‘I’m sorry’ in one evening?” he muttered under his breath. God, without Iris to help him find his balance, life with Sarah was becoming downright arduous. He’d been home a grand total of five minutes and she’d scolded the whole time. Thank God in a week he’d be off with Simpkey. But of course, he had to find a delicate way of breaking it to Sarah first. Tonight actually.

Despite what he’d told Steve and Iris, he had his doubts about how reasonable Sarah would be on the matter. Oh, she was professional enough that at work she’d be the epitome of grace and patience--at least he hoped she would be. But at home? At home was a different matter altogether.

He hurried to wash up and dress, not wanting to displease her further, especially considering the news he had to give her. Putting the small guilt present in his pocket, he descended the stairs again with as much ‘decorum’ as he could manage.

“That’s much better,” she’d said, eying his dinner jacket appreciatively and looping her arm through his. “And on time, too. For once.”

He arched an eyebrow at her but saw she was teasing.

“Who all is coming to dinner this evening then, Darling?”

“Just us of course,” she said, her brow furrowed. “Whom were you expecting?”

“I dunno. Just wondered.” He sighed inwardly. Why all this bloody fuss was needed just for the two of them, he would never understand. Why the bloody hell couldn’t she just slum it for an evening? Order a nice take-away dinner and eat in their sweats in front of the telly? Why the devil could he not just drop his keys on the side table like an ordinary human being? It was like living in a museum, this. Or a doll’s house. Everything in perfect order. Always. Or else.

Dinner, of course, was a feast. She’d made his favorite. Or rather, ordered his favorite from Giovanni, their chef.

“Fillet Mignon, and shrimp! Oh, Darling, you do love me, don’t you?” He kissed her cheek appreciatively before handing her into her chair and settling her in before heading for his side of the table.

“_Prawns_, Darling,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you they’re called _‘prrraaawnnnnssss’_.” She dragged out the pronunciation, as if he was too slow to get it otherwise, and smoothed her cloth napkin into her lap with the sigh of a martyr, and tucked delicately into her plate.

“Prawns then,” he conceded, laying his own napkin in his lap before tucking in himself, stubbornly refusing to add ‘sorry’ again for the rest of the evening. He was feeling suddenly petulant, the joy of the meal spoiled slightly by his growing irritation with her exacting demands upon his behavior. Part of him wanted to prop his elbows on the table, reach into his plate with his bare hands, pick up his SHRIMP by the tail, eat it, than lick his fingers clean, just to irritate her. But remembering this night would likely be difficult enough, he used his fork and knife to remove the tail instead.

“So,” she said, arching an eyebrow several silent bites later, “You were going to tell me something?”

“I was?” he said in surprise through his bite.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full! Honestly! It’s like eating with the peasantry, the way you go on!” She dropped her fork with an irritated clatter on the plate.

Jasper took a sip of his wine, trying to remember which thing she was talking about.

“Well? I’m waiting.” She said, looking at him as if he might just be too stupid to live.

“I went out to the shops after work,” he said, putting down his own fork. “I’m sorry I was late.” He wanted to give her his gift even less now. But he supposed it might be his last chance to get in her good graces this evening, so he reached into his pocket and drew out the box. He was sitting at the opposite head of the long table, so far away from her that he couldn’t just hand it over, so he got up and took it to her. “I bought you a little something.”

“Oh Jasper!” she said, eyes brightening as she took in the box that was obviously jewelry. “Thank you, Darling! Whatever could it be?”

“Open it,” he said, feeling a surge of guilt and relief all at the same time.

She did, and revealed the delicate diamond bracelet he’d seen glittering in the shop window.

“Jasper!” She smiled. “It’s beautiful! Is it real?”

“Of course, Darling! What do you take me for?”

“Put it on me,” she said, mood entirely changed now.

He did so, and got a peck on the lips for his troubles.

“D’you like it?”

“I do! Thank you! How sweet of you! Whatever is the occasion?”

He shrugged as he returned to his seat, replacing the napkin in his lap and resuming eating. “Well, if you must know I’ve got a bit of bad news for us. I hoped the bracelet might make up for it a bit.” _Might as well get it over with,_ he thought.

“What kind of bad news?” She said, fingering the bracelet and frowning.

“Well. It’s not _all_ bad, you know. I’ve got a…well, a sort of a promotion.”

“How is that bad news?”

“Well because…I’ve been…reassigned. To do a travel blog. With Iris…Simpkins. Norm has decided that if we pool our readership than we could both be looking at syndication.”

“A travel blog,” she said flatly. “With Simpkins?”

“Yes. We’re away next week.”

“I see,” she said primly, in a tone he knew all too well. He groaned inside. The bracelet would not hold back this storm. She folded her hands in her lap and nodded at her plate, no longer eating. “And this was..._Norm’s..._idea?”

“Completely!” He affirmed. “And Steve I suppose. It was Steve who told us this afternoon.”

“Well. So where are you off to then? You and Simpkins, your ex-girlfriend who still follows you about with puppy dog eyes, hm?”

“She doesn’t follow me about,” he said, dropping his own silverware on his plate, his irritation with her spiking. “Come on now. You know that’s not fair.”

“Everyone knows she follows you about, Jasper! It’s plain to everyone except you!”

“Well I don’t know who 'everyone' is or what they're smoking, but I do know they’re hallucinating if they think Simp...kins still fancies me,” he caught himself just in time before he slipped up and called her by his pet name for her. “She hates me as far as I can tell. Won't even speak to me. Argued like anything to get reassigned.”

“And you believed it? You are the world’s most gullible man!”

“I am _not_ the world’s most gullible man.” _I am the world’s stupidest,_ he thought. “She’s moved on, for God’s sake. Its only been three years. She’s got a boyfriend in Los Angeles. In the film industry, for crying out loud. What the devil would she still want with me?”

“Are you sure she’s got a boyfriend?”

“What she said. His name’s Miles something. And he’s a musician. Writes film scores, that sort of thing. They met when she was on holiday at Christmas.”

“Have you seen his picture? Have you spoken to him? Do you have any evidence whatsoever he even _exists_?”

“Why does his existence require proving? Its not like he’s on trial here. Or is he?”

“Oh my God, can’t you see what this is? She is _after_ you, Jasper! She’s been after you since you broke up! She wants you back! I wouldn’t put it past her to have concocted this whole scheme just to get her way with you!” She threw her napkin down on the table.

"Iris had nothing to do with this! I told you, this was Norm and Steve’s doing. Not hers.”

“Oh of course not! Iris is so innocent, isn’t she? The most innocent little bint in the world!”

“That was uncalled for!” He threw his own napkin down. His dinner was officially spoiled.

“Was it? I wonder,” she said, crossing her legs and her arms and narrowing her eyes at him. “So. Where are you off to then, just the two of you?”

He took a deep breath.

“Belize. For a week.”

“_Belize?" _She scoffed. "Oh! How _charming_! How..._romantic!_ A whole _week_ together in a tropical paradise! I bet she’s looking _so_ forward to having you all to herself!”

“Sarah…”

She held up her hand, and his diamond bracelet winked in the light from the cut glass chandelier above them, mocking him for his own damned stupidity. He knew he shouldn't have bought it. “No. Don’t even. I can’t.”

“Fine. Don’t then.” He rose to his feet. “Never mind she argued it should be _you_ who came along with me and not her. Never mind it was _your_ feelings she was thinking of when she told Steve it was inappropriate for them to send us off together! Never mind _all_ of that! She’s just after getting me off alone so she can shag me to death, is she?”

“Yes! She is! She doesn't give a damn about my feelings, I can assure you of that! She's a liar, Jasper! And you fell for it!”

He choked out a bitter laugh. “Look. You don’t believe me? Fine. Take it up with Steve yourself! He’s the one who said—and I quote—’that Sarah is a professional and so is Simpkins, and they both better get used to it because the decision’s been made.’ end quote. So I suggest any further inquiry or protest be launched in his direction. Let him bloody tell you who’s idea’r it was! It wasn’t mine! And it _wasn’t_ Simpkins! But for _God’s sake_ try and act as professional as I assured them you would be about this!”

“My oh my, but how vehemently you defend your little lap dog!”

“Stop it. Okay, just stop it right there! There’s no need to insult her that way. She is_ not_ my lap dog! She is not my fiance! She is no longer my girlfriend! She doesn’t even_ like_ me! So lay off it! I’m marrying_ you_, for God’s sake! Not her! But I won’t stand by and let you insult her that way. She’s done nothing to deserve that, and its beneath you.”

“And so you attack me for it? I’m sorry, but I’m the offended party here, not your little cunt!”

Jasper hissed in a breath. “Right. That’s it. I’m gone.”

“Gone where? To her little cottage? Go to her then! You prefer her to me, don’t you? You are still in love with her!”

He refused to rise to the bait, but stormed out of the house, taking his Jag key off the peg and letting the door slam behind him.

* * *

“Hey Beautiful.”

Iris smiled into the phone. “Hallo Miles. How are you?”

“Much better now, thanks. _You_ called.”

His accent was so charming. She loved his voice.

“I never noticed before what a shameless flirt you are,” she said, settling back into her sofa and ruffling her dog’s ears.

“Well. I’m usually more subtle. But I was hoping for a little phone sex later, so I thought I’d spice it up a bit, you know.”

She laughed. “Phone sex! Oh my God! Miles!”

“What, don’t tell me you are a phone sex virgin,” he cooed on the other end. “Am I going to get the honor of deflowering you?”

“No! I can’t…that’s…I suppose you_ are_ joking aren’t you?”

“Yes I suppose I am,” he said, mimicking her accent. “God I love listening you talk though. Your accent is so sexy, Babe.”

At that, she sobered. The last man to call her ‘babe’ had been Jasper.

“Uh oh. What’d’I say? I’m getting the grim reaper sigh over here. Did I just put my foot in my mouth?”

“No. It’s fine its just…I’ve got a bit of bad news, I’m afraid.”

“Oh? What, you ready to break up with me already?”

“No. Of course not its just…well. It’s about Jasper.”

“Jasper? The guy who broke you’re heart and sent you straight into my arms--that Jasper?”

“Yes actually.”

“Oh God, it is bad news. Okay…tell me.”

“Well. You see we both work for The Daily Telegraph and…”

“Oh my God. Jasper _Bloom_? _That’s_ Jasper? _Your_ Jasper?”

“Wh—yes! Why? D'you _know_ him?”

“I’ve been reading his column for years! I never realized that was the same guy! He’s brilliant!”

She smiled faintly. “Yes. I know.”

“And so are you.”

She laughed. “I doubt you read wedding columns, do you?”

“I read yours. Because they’re yours.”

“Thank you. Look, Miles…about Jasper…he and I well, we’ve been reassigned. To work together. On a travel blog. My editor says that it could be really huge for us. Possibly meaning syndication.”

“Wow. That’s exciting.”

“So…we’re off on our first assignment next week. We’re going to Belize.”

“Oh. I see,” he said softly.

“It wasn’t my idea. Or Jasper’s.”

“No. I know. It’s just one of those weird quirks in life, I guess.” She heard him sigh. “The Santa Ana’s are blowing again. I guess I should have expected something to change, huh?”

“Miles, its not like that. Truly. He’s still engaged to Sarah. We’re barely even on speaking terms.”

“Look…Simpkins. I know--you…you don’t have to do this. I guess…we kind of set ourselves up for failure huh? I mean…we barely know each other and we live thousands of miles apart. Probably would have been better off staying friends.”

“So…you want to break up with me then? Not that we were…I mean…”

“No. I don’t want to break up with you. But I don’t want to hold you back either. I know you and Jasper have some water under the bridge. Maybe its time for you guys to sort that out, is all.”

“Miles…”

“Don’t. Please. I…look Iris. I like you a lot. I mean…_really_…a _lot_. I wish I hadn’t spent so much of the time you were here moaning about Maggie. But…I suppose we have to face facts. Holiday romances are a thing, you know. And…maybe that’s all this ever really was.”

“I don’t think so, Miles. Truly I don’t.” She dabbed her eyes. Oh God, she knew this would happen! She and Miles were barely even established yet. It was hard enough being a long distance couple. But now--she didn't blame him. But she did very much blame Jasper Bloom!

Why must he _always_ ruin everything lovely in her life? 

“Hey. You’re not crying on me are you, Simpkins? You know I hate it when you cry. Don’t make me come down to Belize and cheer your ass up, now!”

“No Miles,” she said, wiping her tears away, “I’m not crying.”

“Yes you are,” he said softly. “Look. I'm not bowing out because I'm angry or feeling threatened, okay? I just want you not to worry about me, is all. Go to Belize. Find out what’s between you and Jasper. If it’s really a done deal, then no problem. We’ll resume normal services. In fact tell me where you’re laying over on the way home and maybe I’ll fly out and meet you for a celebratory dinner. But if there’s still something there between you, it’s best you and I know that now, don’t you think? I don’t want to make you feel like I’m holding you back at all. So, I’m going to exit stage right for a bit. Just to give you some space. I guess both of us need to know what’s what here. And you need some freedom to discover that.”

“Okay,” she heard herself say woodenly. “If that’s what you want.”

“What I want? Hell no, it’s not what I want! What I want is you. Here. Now. So I can kiss you the way I should have before I let you get away. But…this isn’t about what I want, its about what you want. What your heart is telling you to do. As much as it hurts me to do this, and I know it’s no picnic for you either, it’s better to do it now and nip things in the bud before we get too far down the path, you know? Otherwise it’s a lot more painful for all concerned.”

“Oh Miles…I wish…”

“I know, Babe. I wish too. Believe me. I don’t blame you at all for this, okay? This isn’t your fault, and I’d never hold it against you. No matter what you decide. No hard feelings between you and me.”

She wanted to tell him that it was him. She wanted to reassure him. She wanted it to _be_ him. But she couldn’t say any of those things.

“Okay,” she said lamely instead.

"Just...thanks for being honest with me. I appreciate that."

"Of course. No secrets between us."

"None. We've both had our fill of that, huh?"

"Yes. We both have."

"Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Promise me we'll always be friends? I mean, obviously I'm kinda hoping for more than that, but...really. I don't want to lose you out of my life, Iris. Now that I found you."

"You won't, Miles," she said, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. "I promise. We'll always be friends."

"We'll always have LA?"

"Something like that," she said, smiling. 

"Good. Well...go do something happy, okay? Don’t waste any more of your pretty tears on me. I know you're crying and I can't stand it, especially if I'm not there to stop it. I’m not worth it, okay?”

“You’re wrong about that,” she said quietly. “You’re so very worth it.”

“Damn,” he said softly. "How much is a ticket to Belize? I might just have to take back everything I just said."

She chuckled. "No. Don't waste your money. I'm the one who's not worth it, Miles."

"Hey. Don't say things like that about my girl. You are worth it, Simpkins. That and so much more."

"Oh my God. I so do not want to do this! I don't want to be having this conversation with you! And I absolutely, categorically _do not _want to go to Belize with Jasper Bloom!"

"I know. But I think you have to. For more than just work. Iris, listen to me--you can do this, okay? You got this. Remember Barbara Stanwyck. Pack some of Arthur's movies in your suitcase to play when you have a weak moment."

"That's not a bad idea, really."

“That’s my girl. You will…call me, won’t you, when it’s over? Let me know one way or another? Just…if you pick him just…let me down easy, okay?”

“I can’t pick him, Miles. He’s engaged to someone else, remember?”

“Engaged does not mean married. It hasn’t happened yet. And I can’t imagine any man alive who could go away with you to a paradise like Belize and not fall head over heels for you. Especially not if you two had a thing once already. What I can't figure out is why he let you get away to start with.”

“He liked her better. Pure and simple. I wasn't enough for him then. I doubt very seriously that will change.”

“Honey, the Santa Anas are blowing. Change is in the air. Anything’s possible, remember? Take care, okay? And be safe.”

They said their goodbyes and she hung up.

That night, she cried herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang on! There's more to come shortly!


	6. Come Fly with Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Iris take off for Belize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away  
If you can use some exotic booze  
There's a bar in far Bombay  
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away  
  
Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru  
In llama land there's a one-man band  
And he'll toot his flute for you  
Come fly with me, let's take off in the blue  
  
Once I get you up there where the air is rarefied  
We'll just glide, starry-eyed  
Once I get you up there I'll be holding you so near  
You may hear angels cheer 'cause we're together  
  
Weather-wise it's such a lovely day  
Just say the words and we'll beat the birds  
Down to Acapulco Bay  
It's perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say  
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away…  
  
Pack up, let's fly away!!” (Frank Sinatra, 1958.)

Chapter 6—Come Fly With Me

“Don’t--speak to me.”

Jasper bit back his greeting, his spirits sinking a little. It was difficult to judge Iris’s feelings behind the large dark sunglasses she wore, even though it was already dark outside. But it was safe to say he’d never seen her more closed off. She barely acknowledged him all through the terminal, rebuffing any and all attempts he made to greet her, or even get her attention. And as she settled herself into the seat next to him with her earbuds plugged in and her laptop on, he slowly accepted that this trip was going to be a bit harder than he had realized.

He looked out the window with a sigh.

When she was really cross with him, she wouldn’t look at him. But this was not looking at him taken to a whole other level. She was more than determined to ignore him. And since he could hear her music playing from where he sat next to her, blaring through her earbuds, he knew it would be pointless to try and speak with her.

But surely she couldn’t keep it up forever, could she? Sooner or later, she’d have to at least lower the volume. The flight itself was going to be twenty-three hours in the air, for God’s sake. She couldn’t spend the entire time face down in her laptop.

Could she?

No. At some point she would have to come up for air and acknowledge him.

Surely.

The first leg of their flight to Belize was from London to Boston, with a layover until the morning. Then bright and early they’d leave for Atlanta, another hour. Atlanta to Belize was another four hours. But with time changes and so forth, they were leaving tonight, and would arrive in Belize tomorrow around noon.

It was an eternity in the best of terms. But when one’s traveling partner was hostile, it was even longer. Jasper sighed and took out his novel instead. For the first leg of the journey he pretended to read—struggled to read. But his mind—his every nerve ending--was focused only on Iris. Waiting for her slightest move. For some opening in which he could initiate some peace talks, for crying out loud. Something. He couldn’t very well bloody go on this holiday for an entire blasted week getting the silent treatment and being treated like a ghost.

If he were being entirely honest with himself, he was battling a severe case of disappointment. He’d come on this trip full of anticipation…sure that he’d be able to get back into her good graces again. Just as soon as he could make eye contact. Iris could never stay cross with him if he could get her to look at him. That was always the moment where she melted—right into his arms, if he had anything to say about it.

God how he had missed her.

Everything about her. She had a radiant, effortless beauty about her that always sucked him in. She could roll out of bed and be gorgeous, where other women worked for nigh on an hour to achieve the same goal. A natural beauty, that’s what she was. With a glowing sweetness about her that made her irresistible. How every man she ever encountered ever managed to keep himself from making a pass at her, he would never know.

How he missed holding her. Just…holding her. As well as the rest of it, obviously. But just the feeling of Iris in his arms made the world feel—right somehow.

Oh, and having her turn her radiant smile on him…

It did things to him—her smile. Made him feel…protective. No not really protective. That wasn't the word, exactly. Territorial perhaps was a better one. But also it somehow made him uneasy. Perhaps it was that he didn’t feel entirely worthy. Perhaps it was something else. But it made him want to crush his lips against hers and kiss her senseless, while simultaneously running for the door.

But just the thought of another man touching her made him feel sick to his stomach.

He glanced askance at her.

How far had it gone with this Miles bloke, anyway?

A sudden image of Iris in the arms of another man blasted him, followed by a wave of nausea so strong he almost had to reach for the bag.

Had Iris even been with another man since him? Was Miles the first?

Jasper hated him already.

He turned and stared out of the window. It was all black beyond. Nothing but sky and sea in a vast, uninterrupted darkness.

He had never really stopped to think about Iris with another man. Not really _with_ him. Not as in sex. But now he had thought it, and he couldn’t unthink it. And the more he thought about it, the sicker and more angry he felt himself becoming.

Worst of all, a small voice in the back of his mind kept pinging him that he had no right to feel that way. And that this whole situation was his own fault.

Had he not succumbed to Sarah...

So agitated had he become that he barely registered when she took out her earbuds and folded her laptop screen and reclined her seat, but not before hitting the button and summoning an air hostess.

“May I have a pillow please?” She said.

“Me too,” he chimed in.

He saw her stiffen at the sound of his voice.

“Tired then?” he heard himself say as the hostess left to fetch them pillows, stilling his hands from wanting to caress her shoulders.

“Yes,” she said in an icy tone, barely turning to him. “And I positively do not want to talk to you.”

“You know…at some point you are going to have to acknowledge me. You _do_ know that, don’t you?”

“Regrettably, yes.”

The air hostess returned and Iris plopped her pillow behind her head and leaned back farther.

Jasper turned in his seat to admire her, caressing her with his eyes when his hands could not.

“Simpkey,” he whispered.

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Speak to me. Try and wheedle your way back into my good graces. It isn’t going to work this time.”

“Can’t you just…look at me. Once.”

“No.”

He sighed. “Right. Well. Sleep well then.” He lay down himself. He could have been imagining it, but as he drifted off himself, he could have sworn he heard her soft reply.

“You too, Jasper.”

Much later, or so it seemed, he felt a hand on his shoulder, rocking him.

“Wake up. We’ve landed.”

He sat up. Iris’s face filled his vision and he smiled.

“Hallo Angel.”

She rolled her eyes. “Should have just let you stay there.”

It was progress. It was definite progress. He sat up and rubbed a hand down his face, through his hair and tried to collect his bearings. His tickets were in his jacket pocket, which was on himself. Good. Check. His bags…

He managed to initiate conversation with her as they stood to take their place in the departing queue, and better yet, he’d managed to secure a meet up in the morning. Yes, they could meet in the lobby of their hotel at half past four in the morning. Yes, they could ride the shuttle together.

That was it, really.

But it was still better than nothing.

Jasper fell into his bed that night in Boston, Massachusetts, USA, feeling jet-lagged in more ways than one. He texted Sarah to let her know he’d made it this far okay, but didn’t have the heart to talk to her for real so begged off anything else.

He didn’t have the heart for much, he reflected. His heart felt for all intents and purposes fairly well broken. His optimism of the previous day was well and truly shattered. It looked like his golden opportunity to make things better with Iris wasn’t going to be that at all. If she carried on this way, this ‘holiday’ together with her was more punishment than gift. And worst of all, it was a punishment he had to admit he deserved.

He closed his eyes, and tried to think of Sarah. But the only vision that swum to the surface was Iris. Beautiful, sweet, lovely Iris. Even when she was angry, she was lovely. And God, did he want to scoop her into his arms and snog her senseless! Every time they ever touched it was electric. Every time she smiled at him, it warmed him to his soul.

He missed those smiles. He needed them. Just as he needed her…

In the sleep-deprived, dream-laced privacy of his thoughts, Jasper found himself kissing her. Just…kissing and kissing and kissing her, deeply, with utter abandon, until finally she melted into his touch, and their passionate kisses gave way to so much more. And God did he want that with her. Did he hunger for it. God, did he ever miss her.

Just to see her smile at him again. He would give just about anything for that alone. But never in all the time he had known her, did Iris’s smiles and beautiful kisses feel as far away from him as they did now.

Tired as he was, sleep came slowly and stubbornly that night to Jasper Bloom.

* * *

Iris collapsed into her hotel room, relief flooding her as her adrenaline receded. So far, so good. She’d resisted him at every turn today. But God had it taken a toll on her.

She could feel his presence so palpably…that heady excitement she always felt in his company had not ever changed. Not even today. Holding him off had been exhausting. She’d felt him there beside her every moment. Almost felt his heart beating. And inside herself she wanted nothing more than to curl up and lay her head against his shoulder the way they used to do when watching movies together. To just be together, just the two of them. Free to live and love…or not. She wished she could go back in time to the time they had before Sarah had interfered. When things were good between them.

But that time was gone, and she must not slip up and forget that. She must use every ounce of her gumption to keep him at bay, and herself safe. Or God Himself only knew the extent of the foolishness she was apt to reign down on herself.

She texted Graham to let him know she’d landed, and what her schedule was for tomorrow. She thought about texting Miles too, but she decided against it. He wanted her to have some space. It would probably be only fair to give him some as well.

Miles. He was so sweet. So good for her. So much of everything right. Everything a girl could want. Should want.

But the truth was…

She still wasn’t over Jasper. And every moment of every day she would have to remind herself that he wasn’t hers any longer. That Sarah was there. That he belonged to her, willingly. That he had left her for Sarah…willingly. She couldn’t let down her guard for a moment. Couldn’t allow him even a toehold in her carefully constructed fortress. Or she was doomed forever. So she stuffed her feelings deep down in a strong box inside herself, padlocking it with as many padlocks as she could find and throwing the keys into a large, deep lake, never to be found again.

If she let Jasper have even a tiny piece of her heart this week, there would be nothing left of her resolve, her independence, her gumption when they returned. She’d be defeated. A soulless, empty shell of a woman doomed to roam the earth, lonely and broken, for the rest of her days, mourning a man who—long since married and with ten children—could not even remember her name and never really cared for her in the first place…

Tears slid down her cheeks. Again.

Damn it, she’d spent all day making a point of not looking at him! When then did he fill her mind with himself when she was trying to sleep?

* * *

She was, of course, the first one down. It was a nervous ten minutes of constantly checking the lifts, constantly checking for the shuttle, wondering what she would do if Jasper did not emerge.

But he did emerge just before the shuttle did.

“How do you manage to look so fresh in the morning,” he’d said to her, his voice more raspy than usual with sleep, “without even so much as coffee?”

“Thanks, I think.”

His eyes registered something like delighted surprise, and she mentally kicked herself for being nice. He offered her an adorably sleepy, lopsided grin that damned near melted her carefully iced heart.

“Can I presume we are back on speaking terms? Or…is that too…presumptuous of me?” He blinked his adorable green eyes at her, giving her his best innocent puppy-dog expression, which somehow always managed to highlight his incredibly long and gorgeous lashes in the process.

She’d been saved from replying by the arrival of the shuttle. Jasper had gallantly taken her luggage and lifted it into the boot, while she climbed in to the rather comfortable people carrier, which was thankfully free of people other than herself, Jasper, and the driver.

Still, he scooted in far too close to her, touching his body to hers all the way down and looping his arm around the back of the seat, sending shock waves up and down her body that she desperately tried to ignore.

“Can you give me some room to breathe, please?” She’d whispered to him.

“Well. We’re bound to pick up more passengers, aren’t we? I was just…making room.” He grinned at her.

“We don’t, as yet, have to.”

“Fine. Okay…” he held up his hands in surrender and scooted away from her. “I didn’t know my being close to you still upset you.” He cast her a devilish glance and grinned, twiddling his eyebrows at her flirtatiously on the way by.

She sighed with martyrdom. “Don’t,” she said simply. “Stop it right now.”

“Okay. Sorry.” He settled back with a sigh, giving her one last glance before turning away.

The shuttle drive mercifully was short and then they were back in the terminal, weaving their way towards security checkpoints, baggage check, and finally to the gate, where they both practically threw themselves at the first Starbucks they came to. From there, they made their way onto their flight with no problems. A short while later, they'd landed in Atlanta, boarded their final flight, and settled in to their final flight to Belize.

“Almost there now,” Jasper sighed as they took the the skies yet again. “Bloody hell, what a journey!”

“Well. Perhaps you’ll like it when we get there so well that you and Sarah can book your honeymoon in Belize,” she heard herself say. “And then you’ll like the flights much better, I’m sure.”

She saw hurt register in his eyes, along with a tenderness she couldn’t bear.

“Simpkey…”

She turned away in utter pain, thankful she’d insisted on the window seat, and turned up her tunes loud enough he could hear them and know she was not open to further conversation. This whole disaster of an assignment would cost her her hearing, she was sure. But it was worth it if it kept her safe.

Still, they weren’t loud enough that she couldn’t hear him sigh.

Or feel it, rather.

Worse. This was bloody _worse_ than his endless flirtation! His sympathy? God, how could she bear this? She’d thought—of course, erroneously—that if she’d just made him understand what he’d done to her that somehow it would all be better. To have him actually acknowledge wrongdoing. Something! But she’d been wrong. Utterly and completely wrong. Now he was feeling _sorry_ for her! After everything he'd done to her? When this was all his own damned fault, all of it! 

It was unbearable. She closed her eyes behind her glasses and prayed he would fall asleep, or vomit—anything to keep her safe from having this conversation here! The atmosphere in the fuselage was suddenly stifling. She pursed her lips together and tried to steady her breathing. 

_Hold it together, Simpkins. You can do this. You have gumption._

She brought to mind Arthur. Sweet Arthur, telling her in the restaurant that Jasper was a schmuck. That she was a leading lady, and she should stop acting like a best friend. In her own bloody life. And that was exactly what she intended to do.

* * *

Jasper could feel Iris’s hostility like a palpable thing, rolling off the set of her shoulders, plowing into him with the force of a very quiet, private little hurricane. Her earbuds were turned up again too. Loud enough for him to hear. He sat back and ran a hand through his hair, then folded his hands in his lap and contemplated them.

No idea. He’d had no idea this would be so ruddy impossible. Perhaps things really were done between them. Irreconcilable. Finished. With no road back even possible. The thought filled his heart and his head with concrete.

Perhaps it was Miles. Perhaps it was his engagement to Sarah. Perhaps it was just everything, all finally bubbling to the surface. Perhaps he was only just realizing it had been here all along.

Whatever the cause, however long it had been there, he had never felt more wretched. He ran a distracted hand through his hair again in his frustration. His heart was in turmoil. He needed—needed—_Iris_\--in his life. Needed her to smile on him. To be there…quietly loving him. His tether…holding onto him, keeping him planted, grounded. What on earth was he to do if he could not convince her to forgive him? To be at least—friends? 

No. Not just friends. More than friends. He needed her. All of her. Everything that went with it. Sex included. Most especially the sex. God how he missed it with her.

He missed everything with her. Everything about her. 

He studied his hands as he continued contemplating the jagged, painful and bleeding gash inside of him that her departure from his life had left. This was his new normal. Painful as it was. Broken as it was. This trip would change nothing. And he felt utterly and completely shattered by the realization.

Returning home in the same way they’d come…

It was unbearable even to think about. But he supposed he must think about it, because he doubted very much of anything would change.

* * *

Iris managed to get all the way through the flight and the airport in Belize City without crying. But when she saw the small puddle jumper plane that was to take them to their ultimate destination she almost did, for an entirely different reason.

But a quick verification with the pilot confirmed her worse fears.

She had a terror of small airplanes.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” Jasper said, taking her bags from her unresistant hands and loading them into the fuselage. “The pilot is very experienced. It’s like a shuttle really. We’ll be there in no time.”

“Why do I not find that particularly reassuring?” She had frowned at him. “And take your hands off me! I am bloody well capable of climbing into an airplane without your hands on my arse, Jasper Bloom!”

“I was only trying to help!” He protested, climbing in after her.

She put on her flight headphones with trembling hands.

“Don’t worry, Simpkey,” Jasper’s voice crackled in her ear phones. “It’ll be fine. You’ll see. This place is going to be beautiful. All worth it.”

“Ohhh my God!” she said as she felt the engines start up, in her terror forgetting to be hostile to Jasper. Unlike large commercial jet liners, small planes—like small cars—meant you felt the ride more. A _lot_ more.

“You don’t get motion sickness, do you?” He asked as they took flight again.

“No,” she said through clenched teeth. “Its not my stomach that can’t take this, its my mind!”

“Right….come here!”

Desperate for comfort, she let him put his arm around her and pull her close to him, let his other hand clasp hers, let herself look him in the face and register how close it was to hers, and that she had not been this close to him since he’d shown up unannounced and unsuspecting at Amanda’s home.

He gave her a lopsided smile. “Just think—you already have material for our column. Iris’s first airplane ride in something that isn’t a commercial jet.”

“I—can’t—write about this. Not when I spent the whole damned ride in your arms!”

He smiled, his eyes lighting in a disturbingly tender way. “Don’t worry. This part will be our little secret.”

The reason for their unconventional flight became clear as they made their way slowly and noisily into the skies.

“Its all jungle down there, look at it!” Jasper said, indicating the view from the window.

“I’d rather not just now.” She was too overcome by other things. The feeling of the distressingly labored sounding engine, the buffeting winds and the bumpiness of the flight as they rose and fell on the air currents, and worst of all, the fact that she was snuggled close to Jasper. His arm around her was strong, and far too familiar, and the scent of fresh laundry powder and his outrageously expensive designer cologne filled her senses.

God, she’d forgotten how good he smelled. It filled her full of unwelcome memories, and the sense of home and security—false though it was—deepened alarmingly, making her want to run away from him as badly as she wanted to snog him senseless.

“Dense as well,” he was saying, still gazing out the window at the jungle beneath them. “Looks like this is the only way in and out.”

“Great. That means I get to do this again!”

“Don’t worry,” he said, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “I’ve got you.”

That’s precisely what she was most afraid of. She looked a little too long into his eyes and swallowed hard.

_Yes_, she thought dismally,_ you do have me, Jasper Bloom. That’s the whole bloody problem._

He smiled into her eyes with such happiness that she felt her heart twist painfully in her chest.

_Damn you._

She turned away and slowly began to disentangle herself from him. Hating that she missed his arms the moment she was out of them. That she felt so cold without his body pressed against hers. That she wanted nothing more then to return to them.

Hating her life. Her choices. The only choices he’d left her with.

Strong. She must be strong. Her whole life depended on her ability to hold herself away from him. But all she wanted in the world…

…was what she absolutely could not have.

They came to land surprisingly softly on a grassy strip perched on the side of a small mountain, utterly in the middle of nowhere. But when they at last alighted from the plane, it was to find a truck waiting for them.

Iris followed Jasper, who insisted on carrying her things and his, to the truck. She was trembling all over—whether from the stress of the flight, or from being so close to Jasper she could not tell.

Why did he have to feel so comfortable? So right? It was the most peaceful she’d felt since leaving London, and his proximity had comforted her in more ways than one.

_Damn it all_, she told herself sternly, _he’s engaged to another woman!_

The thought of Sarah enjoying the warmth of his strong arms around her for the rest of her life was one she resolutely steered away from, lest she do something utterly desperate, like push him off the side of the mountain. And then throw herself off after him. Or drag him into the undergrowth and shag him against a tree. 

Fortunately she managed to climb into the truck on her own, and without doing any of those things. The ride in the truck was bumpy over unpaved terrain, but mercifully short. When it was over, she and Jasper stood gaping at the most idyllic, beautiful little resort carved out of the virgin jungle she could ever have imagined.

“Well,” Jasper said with a smile. “We’ve finally arrived. Welcome home, Simpkey."


	7. Careless Whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Iris have finally made it to their resort. But there is one small tiny problem...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Time can never mend  
The careless whisper of a good friend  
To the heart and mind  
Ignorance is kind  
There's no comfort in the truth  
Pain is all you'll find
> 
> I'm never gonna dance again  
Guilty feet have got no rhythm  
Though it's easy to pretend  
I know you're not a fool
> 
> I should've known better than to cheat a friend  
And waste the chance that I'd been given  
So I'm never gonna dance again  
The way I danced with you..."  
(Wham, 1984)

Chapter 7—Careless Whisper

Jasper set Iris’s things down near the front desk and looked around. Tired and jet-lagged as they were, this place was still amazing. Designed to look native and authentic, the Blancaneaux Lodge was beautiful. At least the lobby was.

The interior was darkened and cooler than outside, mercifully, the whole of it bathed in a soft lamplight that reminded one of torches and firesides. The dark polished wood finishes were reminiscent of bamboo or sugar cane. The furnishings and the walls were decorated with what he could only assume were local, indigenous artworks. Sculpture, paintings, and textiles as well as potted succulents enlivened corners and draped seating areas in a riot of bold, sun-drenched shades—deep scarlet, vivid tangerine, lime and brilliant marigold. The whole place was richly textured too, with wicker furniture, tufted scatter cushions covered in knobby raw silk, sleek and shiny ebony statues, woven rugs and draperies. Everywhere he looked, it was exotic and entirely foreign, but so warm and welcoming. Sumptuous and strange, and yet also rather homey—it was exactly what a weary traveler from England could fall hopelessly and completely in love with. In fact the whole place could have grown here, as part of the lush foliage--a sort of lobby plant, that, when fully flowered, became this beautiful, atmospheric room. 

God he must be jet-lagged, he thought, to have come up with that one. But it was oddly appropriate. There was an entirely organic feel about the place, as if it had been born here as part of the jungle itself. He could only hope their own accommodations would be this sensational. 

A tiny, adorably cute little old lady tottered up to greet them from behind the desk. Iron gray hair framed a wizened, yet merry face like a walnut. She had to be at least a hundred if she was a day, but a more perfect candidate for someone’s grandmother he could not imagine. Jasper himself immediately warmed to her.

He gave their names to her, and she gave him a decidedly un-grandmotherly smile as she looked him up and down rather alarmingly, and smacked her toothless lips. He blinked in alarm.

“Ah yes. Number Twelve.” She reached up behind her and pulled a key down from a peg board and handed it to Jasper, along with a map of the resort with all accommodations listed by number.

“Excuse me but…where am I to stay?” Iris asked when she too did not get a key.

The old lady looked at her in surprise.

“In Number Twelve,” she said with something like shock on her face.

“Oh no no no no no. We’re not together. I mean…yes, I realize we are_ booked_ together but we’re not…_together_ together.” On seeing the woman’s confusion deepen, Iris shook her head and said again, “I need a separate cabin please.”

“Number Twelve,” the woman repeated. “Cabana.”

“Cabana number…yes. Yes but I need a different room. For me.”

“Allow me…” Jasper said. Smiling at the un-grandmotherly grandmother, he repeated Iris’s request in Spanish.

This, however, made no difference.

“No more room. We full.” She said emphatically in English.

“Full? Like as in…every room taken?”

“Yes, yes. Every room. You go. Number Twelve.”

Jasper didn’t dare allow himself a smile as Iris gave in and they made their way to number twelve, following the map out of the door to the footpath beyond.

Sharing the same cabana, were they?

This trip just kept getting better and better.

* * *

Iris tromped along the path behind Jasper, feeling like a condemned prisoner marching herself dutifully towards the gallows. Why did the universe hate her so much? What had she ever done to upset it so? Why must she always be a victim of Jasper Bloom in order for the Earth to revolve normally around the sun?

As dark as her thoughts were, she was still somewhat buoyed by the gorgeous day, and the fact that they had somehow landed in an absolute tropical paradise.

The resort turned out to be a cluster of charming little thatched cabanas, connected by footpaths and sprinkled along what appeared to be a beautiful little tributary of some sort, which cascaded over a rather dramatic waterfall, gurgling and frothing its way among a series of almost artistically placed boulders as it continued its path down past the line of trees, disappearing into the distance. Over their heads, impossibly tall tropical palms swayed gently in the warm breeze. Closer to eye level bloomed an array of tropical flowers in every brilliant hue of the rainbow. As they walked, a macaw burst from a nearby perch in the lush vegetation and took to the skies, stretching its vibrant, rainbow-colored wings to the sun.

It was quite a long walk before they found Number Twelve, nestled cozily among some tall trees. It was set high above them, half of it against a rocky outcrop, the rest on stilts, presumably as defense against flooding. They climbed what must have been a full flight of steps to get to the front door, recessed into a beautiful wooden deck, furnished with comfortable looking wicker furniture and slung with hammocks.

It was only when Jasper set their luggage down with a thump and fished for the key to the door that Iris realized she had been so charmed by the scenery that she had momentarily forgotten her predicament.

“I’ll…take the sofa, of course. You can have the bed,” he said, opening the door.

“No need,” she said briskly. “I’m ringing the manager. This is unacceptable. Norm may have thrown us together for work-related reasons, but to expect us to share a cabin is above and beyond. He’s sorting this—and paying for it—or I’m out of here.”

She picked up her things and hefted them past him, to the bedroom. The whole little place was beautiful--romantic in the extreme, which only served to increase her anxiety. There was a full sitting room, kitchenette, and what appeared to be a simply enormous bathroom, in addition to the equally enormous master bedroom and bed. And as she stomped past Jasper, she thought she might have seen the turquoise colored water of a swimming pool off the back deck winking at her through a large picture window. But she categorically did not have time to think about that now. She simply must focus. She couldn't stay here in this gorgeous little place one moment with Jasper Bloom--she didn't dare. She simply had to put some distance between them, and now. Or else she might as well just throw herself at him now and get it over with. In this close proximity for a week, surrounded by paradise--she would not last long against his deadly charm. And she knew he would show her no mercy there. No, it was imperative she make her escape. Immediately. 

“Ah! Mystery solved!” Jasper called from another room. “Good news, Darling! There’s two bedrooms.”

“I am NOT your darling! And it's not bloody good enough. They’re putting me on the opposite side of this complex or I’m going home.” She finally found the phone in what appeared to be the master bedroom and called the front desk. Jasper, his inspection complete, returned, hovering around the door frame. She could feel him standing there. Could feel his eyes on her. Blatantly ignoring the sadness rolling off him in waves, she carried on, almost in a blind panic now. “Hi, yes, this is Iris Simpkins in Number Twelve. I need to speak with the manager. There seems to be a mix up about my accommodations.”

* * *

"Hi. Yes. Iris Simpkins in Number Twelve. Yes...look, I _really_ need another room. My colleague and I were booked in the same cabana by mistake, but we absolutely, categorically can NOT stay together! He's engaged and...well, it's really complicated, and without boring you with any of the details, suffice to say that I'm afraid we just do NOT get on...."

Jasper stood leaning against the door, his hands in his pockets, listening to Iris talk to the manager. Her voice sounded remarkably like the sound of his heart breaking and falling around himself in tiny little fragments. It was there in her voice. In the set of her shoulders as she paced the floor.

"No. It's out of the question, I'm sorry. I _cannot_ share a cabana--not even a two bedroom cabana...with Jasper Bloom. It's not happening....I'm having an anxiety attack just thinking about this...Listen are you hearing me? I _cannot_ stay with him! Not under any circumstances you care to name! Now you have got to have something...I don't care! Just...please get me the hell out of here!...No you don't understand! I cannot be here with him! I can't!"

She hated him. She bloody _hated_ him.

He could feel it in every syllable she uttered. And the realization of it sliced through him like a jagged blade.

There was no recovery from this. No way he would be able to bridge this rift. It was over between them. It was just…over. There was no doubt about it.

And he had never felt so utterly lost and hopeless in his life as he did right now.

And somehow, while his heart broke, all the confusion he’d felt over the the last few years about these two women in his life suddenly crystallized into one point of blinding clarity. All the clouds burned away, and he knew. He knew what he truly needed more than anything else in all the world.

_Simpkey._

He leaned his head against the door frame, gazing at her. He’d been so blind. So incredibly blind. All this time…she’d been right here. Everything he needed and wanted. Right here, before him. So sure and solid--so foundational to his life and well-being that he never really knew how much he needed her.

Never realized that it was she that made him whole.

And without her, he would never be whole again.

“…What do you mean ‘nothing is available’? Are you completely booked? For the entirety of the week?…. Bloody hell! Right. Well. Looks like I’ll be ringing my editor then. Thank you.” She hung up the phone emphatically.

Jasper said nothing. Just watched her fume as she fished for her mobile, feeling hollow. Deflated. Utterly defeated. There was nothing he could do. Nothing he could say. His life was unraveling before his very eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Before him was the perfect woman of his dreams—and he’d treated her abominably. He’d blown it. His only shot. The only woman who could ever really love and fulfill him was about to stomp out of his life forever. And there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop her.

This scheme of Norm’s would never work. They’d not be able to partner together for anything now. Not when she bloody hated him this much. Syndication or no syndication. But he didn’t give a toss about the column right now. She was frantic to get away from him. And God it hurt like hell.

“Norm. Hi. It’s Iris….yes we’re here. But there’s been some kind of mistake about the accommodation…. Yes, you see, for some reason they’ve booked Jasper and I in the same cabana, and the resort is all booked up…. Yes I know there are two bedr—wait, are you telling me you did this on _purpose_?…._Norm!_ Yes, there are two bedrooms, but its the same bloody cabana! But I _can’t_!…I don’t TRUST Jasper Bloom as far as I can bloody throw him!”

Jasper squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

“…Norm, I’m sorry, but this is unacceptable. WORKING together is one thing. LIVING together is entirely another! You can’t expect us to do that! Don’t you realize what you’ve done? He’s engaged to be married to Sarah for God’s sake! …I am NOT overreacting! Listen Norm, if you don’t sort this, I’m coming straight away back home. Do you hear me? I’m leaving! I’m not going through with this! …_Yes_, it’s personal! And you damn well know it is! For very good reasons!…Whether or not I settle my issues with Jasper Bloom is none of yours or anyone else’s bloody business! And you are certainly out of line to…to…FORCE us together this way!…I’m sure he does! He can’t_ possibly_ be any happier about this than I am. He left me for Sarah after all…”

Jasper turned on his heel. He couldn’t stand to hear any more. Not a single blasted word more could he take. He marched to the doorway and scooped up his bag. He left the cabana as quickly as he could. Damnation he did not want to cry! Men didn’t cry. Especially not when they themselves were the principal cause of all their own unhappiness.

He marched blindly back the way they came, having no idea where he was going or what he was doing. But he’d be damned if he forced himself on any woman. Damned if he’d stay where he was so categorically not wanted.

* * *

“Simpkins, listen to me. You don’t want to do this. You are passing up a golden opportunity for you both. Besides, your readers know about your collaboration. There will be no recovery from this except to tell them the truth about the two of you. And since I am reasonably certain that you don’t want to do that, I think you’d better suck it up, and carry on.” Norm was saying on the other side, but Iris could barely hear him over the panic in her own head. "You don't have to sleep with him, for God's sake. There are two bedrooms, after all. So my advice to you is put your personal feelings aside. You and Jasper are both professionals. You can handle this."

"You do not know what you are asking me to do!"

"I do know what I am asking you to do. It's time you both buried this hatchet for good and all. For the sake of both your careers."

"But I c--"

And then she heard the door to the cabana slam, and the foundations of the whole little building shook with the force of it.

“Oh God. Norm. I gotta run. Jasper’s left. He heard me talking and…”

“Go after him, Simpkins. I’ll see what I can do on this end, but I’m not promising anything.”

“Alright. I’ll phone you later.” Iris hung up, and without another thought launched herself out of the cabana. From the porch, she could see Jasper, bag in hand, storming down the path in the wrong direction. She knew that walk. He was angry. Very angry.

Hardly knowing what she was doing, she ran down the stairs after him. Had she gone too far? Apparently she had. All she really wanted was to keep herself safe from him. She did not want to hurt him. She was a fool, she knew, to even care--but…still. Here she was, running after the man who she had spent the last twenty-four hours running away from. The irony was not lost on her. 

She made no sense at all, even to herself.

_Damn the man_!

* * *

“Jasper?”

He didn’t turn around.

“Jasper! Where are you going?”

“Away from here.”

“Jasper…wait!”

He stopped. Waited. His eyes closed in pain. He could hear her crunching up the gravel behind him. Feel her getting closer. Wanted her so bad that he ached in every bone.

“Are you leaving?”

He dropped his head. “I think its for the best, don’t you?”

“But where are you going?”

“I don’t know. Maybe back to San Ignacio. Maybe we can still…work or something…through email. Or if that’s too close for you I’ll fly home tomorrow.”

“Look. We…are probably both tired and jet-lagged and....I’m really sorry. Perhaps I did overreact just a bit. Would you like to come back and maybe we could talk about it? I hate to think of you out here alone and with nowhere to go. It looks like rain as well.”

"What's there to talk about? You hate me. Seems like there's nothing more to say, really."

Thunder rumbled ominously, and sure enough, the sky was darkening. The smell of rain was heavy in the air, and a rush of cold wind blasted them, heralding the arrival of a full-blown storm. 

“Jasper, I don't hate you, okay? I can safely promise you that. Look, that little plane won’t be able to fly in this weather. Please. Would you just come back, at least until the rain passes? I promise we can talk about this a bit more...rationally. I just...please will you come back? I don't want anything to happen to you.”

He turned and looked at her. Gone was the stone mask she’d worn for most of the journey. It was Simpkey he saw now. Her sweet face soft with concern, and in her eyes he saw…

Something he had not seen since Los Angeles.

Was there still hope after all?

His breathing cleared. The vice around his heart relaxed ever so slightly.

“If you’re sure,” he said.

“I am.” She gave him a tremulous smile.

He nodded. It was an olive branch--a most welcomed one. She smiled at him in relief, and they both walked back together in a semi-awkward silence that was almost companionable. 

They just made it in before the rain hit.


	8. Pinkie Swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Iris have an actual talk, and come to an understanding.
> 
> *Profanity warning*  
This chapter contains mature language.   
(Sorry it's Jasper...)

Chapter 8—Pinkie Swear

“Here,” she said, stopping in the sitting area and indicating an overstuffed chair. “Have a seat and I’ll make us some drinks.”

He nodded and sat, not trusting himself to speak. Iris returned later with a local favorite brand of rum, apparently the drinks cabinet was already stocked. They sampled it together.

“Oof! That packs a punch, doesn’t it?” She said, waving her hand before her face and blinking hard, coughing a little.

“It hits the spot well enough,” he said, letting it soothe and warm him from the inside. The rain was coming down hard out there already. From zero to torrential downpour in faster than he could think, almost. He was grateful for more reasons than one that she'd fetched him back.

“Jasper…I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

He shook his head. "You don't have to--"

“--Truly. I don't hate you at all. Its just…to be honest, this whole thing scares me a little. I guess I just freaked out.”

“I’m not going to jump on you, you know?” He said, setting his drink down. “I’m not a wild animal, after all.”

“I know. What I said it…was wrong of me. I’m sorry. Norm is insisting this arrangement is for the best and…well, perhaps he’s right. If we’re going to work together I suppose it would be helpful if we can learn to be in the same room together without…” she looked at her hands, took a deep breath. “Remembering the past. It is time we put it all to rest. Put it all behind us and carried on like professional people. You've moved on and...I...have too.” Her eyes were glassy. "Its just...I guess I've had a harder time of that than you have these last few years. It's still rather fresh for me. I'm not so far down the road yet as you are."

He swallowed hard, taking this in, feeling like an absolute twat. What had he put her through all this time? Why had he not--noticed, for God's sake? Perhaps he'd never let himself, for fear of what it would do to him. Even now he shied away from the thought. Perhaps there were just things he couldn't deal with properly. 

"Iris..."

She shook her head, covered her mouth with her hand, then stood abruptly and went to the windows, turning her back on him as she gazed out at the rain. He'd watched her cry about him before. But God, how at tore at him today to see it. Today when he'd realized so much. 

So much pain he'd caused her. What he was feeling inside right now--it was probably the tip of the iceberg of the hell he'd put her through. 

“What you said—it’s nothing I don’t deserve.”

Her head dropped, and he watched her struggle with her emotions, shaking her head. “No. Please don’t,” she shook her head and lifted it again in resolve. “I’m not a sympathy case, Jasper. I don’t want your sympathy.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

She shook her head again and clasped her arms around herself. “I really don’t think we need to go down this path. We’re both grown adults after all. You and Sarah just…were meant to be, I guess. I just wish you’d been honest with me about it, that’s all.”

“That’s not all, and we both know it.”

“Please, stop. Please? I can't--I can't do this." She clasped her hand over her mouth.

“Iris…I was a dickhead.” He stood, crossed the room to her, but did not get too close. He wanted to put his arms around her. His hands itched with the urge to land on her shoulders, to turn her to face him, to wrap his arms securely around her and offer his shoulder for her to cry on. But as he remained the primary source of her hurt, he could hardly comfort her. He shoved his hands in his pockets instead. 

“What was that?” She turned around and faced him, blue eyes swimming still, but surprised as well. 

“I was a dickhead. We both know it. You’re just too sweet to say it, so I will.” He leaned against a nearby wall. God, she was lovely. So very, very lovely. 

“I am not ‘sweet’.”

“You are. You're the sweetest woman I have ever known.” It was straight from his heart. _ And the most lovely,_ he wanted to add. But he had no right to say those things to her. _The sweetest, most lovely, most beautiful woman I have ever, ever known...and I could never have deserved you in a thousand years...._

Had he pushed her away? The thought came unbidden to his mind. Had he somehow self-sabotaged his relationship with Iris, feeling in some way inadequate to hold her? To be the kind of man he knew she needed? He didn't know. And it wasn't like it mattered anymore anyway. He'd lost her. The hows and the whys of it were irrelevant now. 

“I am not! What I did to you just now was not sweet!”

“No. But it was richly deserved. And about three years late. Which is a further testimony to your sweetness, if such a thing was even necessary. I can't think of any other woman who would have ever taken so long to say those things."

She half-chuckled, half-sobbed, and fished in her shirtsleeve for a tissue. Iris seemed to be made of tissues. It was sweet again, but he didn't dare voice it. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay where he was. Everything in him wanted to go to her, to fold her into his arms. To kiss her tears away. Why was he so stupid? Why had it taken him until now--when it was too late--to realize what he'd had with her? 

_Too late. It was all too late..._

“It’s all in the past,” she said flatly. “And I really wish you’d stop saying I was sweet.”

“Why?”

“Because ‘sweet’ is a synonym of ‘doormat,’ that's why! And I don’t wish to be reminded that you’ve been using me as your doormat for the last three—or even longer—years!” She turned on him vehemently. 

“That is a further testimony to my dickheadedness, Darling. Not a character flaw in yourself.”

“I am not your ‘Darling.’ Sarah is your ‘Darling’. Please don’t refer to me that way.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, biting his lip. "I just...I can't help but think of you that way."

“Have you even texted her to let her know you’ve landed?" She asked, dabbing at her eyes with the tissue. "Better do that before she gets worried. In fact maybe you wish to call her. I’ll…leave the room to give you some privacy.”

“I’ll text her later. Simpkey…please. Don’t leave." He sighed. "Words are not enough I know but…for what its worth, I want you to know how desperately sorry I am. For all of it. I _was_ a dickhead. And blind as a bat on top of it.”

“Blind?” she asked. "Sorry...but...are you actually taking responsibility for all this? When did this happen?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Was it when you slammed the door in my face in LA? Or threw me out of your office covered in the streamers I'd hung up to welcome you back? Or was it when you gave me the silent treatment for twenty three hours straight, or perhaps when you yelled at Norm that you couldn't trust me as far as you could throw me? Or was it when Norm announced our engagement and I saw your face after I was too cowardly to tell you myself...I'm not sure. All I know is--I've had rather a lot of time to think lately. And I suppose I've had to face it at last...what I did to you. How I hurt you. And how I've lost you now as a result."

"You lost me long ago, Jasper. You're just now realizing it."

He nodded, contemplating his shoes. He was hurting so badly he could hardly breathe. "Yes. I suppose I did."

"Well. You at least are recognizing it for what it is now. That's a start."

"This...Miles...he's a...good man, I guess."

"Yes. Yes he's a very good man."

He squeezed his eyes shut in pain. Just that one sentence was dripping with admiration. _A better man than you, Jasper,_ is what she was not saying. But it was nonetheless true. 

"Then...I do...wish you both...the best," he managed. "He's a lucky man." He raised his eyes to hers._ Would to God that I was him,_ he thought at her. 

She drew in a sharp breath. "Thank you." She said finally.

He lost himself in her eyes, drowned himself in them. She was so beautiful. So lovely and so much of everything any man of sense could ever desire in a woman. Why is it only when he truly lost her that he understood? But he did understand. Finally at long last, he understood. And the price of his understanding had been a little piece of his soul.

“If I promise…faithfully…to stop being a dickhead to you do you think we could…work together?”

The spell was broken. She sighed heavily. “Jasper…I just don’t know what to do with your promises. You have lied to me so often.” She flopped down on the sofa again, dabbing at her eyes.

"I'd like to be friends, Simpkey. Can we be friends at least?"

"I--I don't know! God!" She dropped her head into her hands. "I don't know if we're capable of that!"

"I'll do anything," he found himself saying, kneeling before her. "Anything to be friends. Anything you ask of me."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

She raised her eyes to him. "I want total honesty from you, Jasper. From now on. Honesty in everything. Can you give me that?"

"Yes." He said without hesitation. 

“And I want you to be entirely honest with Sarah. About LA. I know you lied to her about coming to see me. I know you have been lying to her about me all along. It has to stop, Jasper. I can’t be your secret friend. If you can’t walk with me and talk with me openly—at the office, here, anywhere where Sarah might come to know about it—than I will always feel like our…friendship…is something shameful. That you are ashamed of me. Or that I am in some way undermining your relationship. Further, by acknowledging me openly, you are showing me that I am very important to you—far too important to sweep aside when I become inconvenient. Further to_ that_—I need to trust you again. Right now I can’t believe a word you say, because you say whatever it takes to get what you want from whomever you are talking to. Me…Sarah…you’ve lied to us both. You do realize that, don’t you? But unlike Sarah I at least_ know_ I’ve been lied to. She has no idea. Does she?”

He was silent for a moment. No, Sarah didn't have any idea. If she had, she'd have left him like a shot.

“That’s what I thought. Do you see why I can’t believe you, Jasper? You can’t just pretend you’re free when you aren’t. You can’t just ‘love the one your with’--that went out with the sixties. I never know when you're being truthful with me. I never know where I stand with you. And Sarah has no clue! Sarah most of all deserves commitment and honesty from you.”

He shook his head. “How can you say that? You know how she feels about you. And it was she who cheated with me.”

Iris turned away in pain. “But she is with you now,” she said finally. “And its not right that you lie to her any more than its right for you to lie to me.”

“You know what she will do, don’t you? You know what she will say?”

“That you are forbidden to speak with me? But she can’t, now, can she? Norm has seen to that.”

“I’ll lose her.”

“Right,” she said nodding. “So that’s a no then.” She turned a frostier gaze to him. "And that is why we cannot be friends."

"Alright!" he said with a gusty sigh. “I'll do it, okay? I will. I just…need some time to think about how to go about it, is all." 

"How about, 'Sarah, there are some things I need to tell you.'"

"It's not that simple!"

"Oh but it is. It _is_ that simple, Jasper. What is complicated are your lies."

"No. Sarah is complicated," he said, running a hand through his hair. 

“You can’t have us both, Jasper. That’s what you’ve been trying to do. But its not possible. You’ve been leading a double-life, haven’t you? Trying to have your cake and eat it too. But the world doesn’t work that way—not for any of us. Even you.”

“But I can’t…I can’t do without you, Simpkey.”

“You made that decision years ago, Jasper,” she said very quietly. “You decided that you could. You decided she was better.”

“I never said—”

“You didn’t have to. Your actions said it for you.” She turned to face him. “If you truly loved me, you never would have cheated on me with her." The tears were falling. She dabbed at her eyes. His eyes followed the movement. “You made your choice already.”

His eyes closed as if in pain, and he covered his face with his hands.

“So now we all have to live with it, don’t we? You, Sarah, and I. And the fact of the matter is, that for whatever reason--which I don’t comprehend in the slightest--we are not allowed to go our own separate ways. I seem to be joined at the hip with you, with a front row ticket to all the drama that comes with you—for the foreseeable future. So this…wound…between us…it isn’t allowed to get any better. I need to get away from you—no offense intended—in order to get well. And it would seem I can’t.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, gazing at his hands. “Truly. Sorry for it all.”

“Well, for once, this part at least is not your fault,” she said, sitting next to him on the settee. “It would seem we’re in this together.”

“I can go you know. If…you truly wish it.”

“No. You don’t have to now. I think…now that we've had this talk, I think perhaps we’ll be fine. We each have a room, after all. And you won’t find another place around here for miles. Best if we just…make it work I expect.”

“Right. And…about your requirements…can I…give it some thought? I know you’re right. About the honesty. I just…” he sighed. “Sarah can be difficult sometimes. She…wasn’t best pleased about this. It was a difficult night when I had to tell her. She’s…well…difficult. Especially with regards to you. She's jealous I think and...well...I suppose it was always just easier to come up with something she wouldn’t object to than to ever mention your name. But truly…I couldn’t stay away from you. Not entirely. Not then. And not now.”

“But you couldn’t stay with me either. I couldn’t hold your interest by myself.”

“That was my fault. Not yours.”

“Somewhere you must have found me lacking…”

“Hey. Don’t. Please don’t. Okay? Please allow me to tell you once and for all. There is nothing—_nothing_—about you that is lacking, Simpkey. I was a colossal bell end, and I screwed up. That was all there was to it. You were great. You were so, so great. And I—was an arse.”

She laughed. “Yes. Yes you were an arse, Jasper. Still are sometimes.”

He laughed a little. “At least I can admit it now, huh? That’s some growth, surely? Perhaps there’s hope for me yet.”

“Perhaps so.”

They shared a smile.

“Can I start by saying I promise I’ll be honest with you? And let me think about what you’ve said for awhile about the rest of it? You can still throw me out at any time.”

She took a deep breath. She knew she could not say no.

“Alright then. You’re on. Shake on it?”

He flashed her his most charming sideways grin. “No. Pinkie swear,” he said, and offered up his smallest finger.

She felt herself smiling. It almost hurt her face after so many difficult days. It had been a thing between them from the very beginning, the pinkie swear, and between them, it had far more sway than a handshake, any day.

“Pinkie swear then,” she said, and wrapped her smallest finger around his and squeezed.


	9. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fortified by their pinkie swear, Jasper and Iris agree to make the best of their situation. But will Iris's carefully constructed boundaries between them hold?

Chapter 9—Settling In

Since they had resolved between them to make the best of things, they set about settling in. Iris took what appeared to be the master bedroom, and Jasper the smaller. Though alarmingly, the cabana had an open floor plan and her bedroom had no door. Fortunately though, his room was equipped with a pair of sliding doors, so providing them at least one closed door between them. Iris wished he had not been in direct control of them, but then again, she’d promised him trust. And considering their circumstances, it was the best that could be managed without one of them leaving the resort altogether, or tenting on the grass.

The full kitchenette was well equipped, including a refrigerator, sink and microwave, as well as a coffee maker, a toaster and, crucially, a fully-stocked mini-bar. There were dishes in the cupboard too. A thoughtful amenity all-round. If they had been closer to civilization, she could have popped out for groceries. But she supposed that was out of the question. Still, the resort had stocked them with a few basics, such as coffee with cream and sugar, some milk and eggs, and bread. And a rather beautiful fruit basket. That was something, at least.

The bathroom was beautiful too, built in a long sweeping arc that carried through with the same basic decor. There was only one of course, so they’d have to share it. But as long as they had separate bedrooms that wasn’t such a bad prospect. The dominate feature in the room was a giant, green-tiled monstrosity of a shower, rather set off organically into the thatch and surrounded by wood on either side, as if it had grown there. There was no door though, or worryingly, even a curtain. She frowned at this, noting again that there was no lock to the bathroom door either. Even though she felt reasonably certain Jasper would not deliberately violate her privacy, she still didn’t fancy the idea of bathing so much out in the open.

Still. All in all, the decor was gorgeous. The sofa was overstuffed and in bright tropical orange and tossed with what appeared to be blankets in a tribal theme. While such a thing would look garish in a London flat, here, the bright tones were almost neutral, they blended so well with the dark wood, the thatch roof and the brilliant colors of the outdoors. Scatter cushions in sumptuous shades of red and green and vibrant blue complimented the room, as did a tufted bench and two chairs with overstuffed cushions. All along the walls and in the corners were artworks of what she assumed to be representative of the local people, and another room-sized rug in tones of red and orange finished off the sitting area. It was tropical perfection.

Near the kitchenette was a small table set with four chairs, with outlets close by, ideal for plugging in laptops and doing a bit of writing. And the resort was equipped with free Wifi, so their daily check-ins would not be a problem.

And best of all, Jasper had found the air-conditioning controls.

“Oh! Thank God! It is so hot and steamy out here! I wasn't sure the ceiling fans would be enough."

“Won’t be for long. What shall I set it for?”

“About twenty-three degrees centigrade, I think.”

"What's that in Fahrenheit?"

She did a few quick calculations. 

"About 74..no, 73 degrees."

“Right. Sounds good, will do.”

“Central air con!” She sat down on the sofa with a sigh. “And scenery like this. I may never go home again.”

He came and sat down next to her with a sigh of his own and smiled.

“Rain’s almost stopped,” he said. “Care for a bit of exploring?”

“No. I want a nap first. I’m knackered.”

“Me too. I think it’s all beginning to catch up with me.”

“That. Or the rum.”

“Or both.”

“Whatever time is it? It feels like it should be midnight.” She said, fishing for her watch.

“Half past four in the afternoon.”

“I think I’ll call it a day and have an early night of it.”

“Why don’t we both have a kip? Then we can maybe go out for dinner.”

“Out where?”

“The resort has a little restaurant, look," he grabbed the brochure from the coffee table and showed her the picture. Another little cabana, set off beautifully in a tiered garden, overlooking a lovely waterfall served as the resort's restaurant and bar. "Should be amazing, I should think, if the rest of this is anything to go on.”

“It looks lovely. But...oof. You go. I don’t feel particularly hungry.”

He turned and regarded her solemnly, blinking his beautiful moss-colored eyes at her slowly. “Its not…me, is it?”

“Is what you?” She turned away. She could not afford to drown in those eyes anymore. 

“Your…lack of appetite.”

“No, Jasper. It’s not you. It’s just…all this is…a lot to take in you know?”

He nodded.

“You still cross with me?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I am. Besides hurt and a little…frightened of this.”

“Of what?”

“Our living arrangements for the next week.”

“Thank you. For letting me stay. I know you don’t really want to.”

“As long as you respect our boundaries, then I suppose it will work.” She massaged her temples. “God my head is pounding.”

“What about Miles?”

“What about him?”

“Have you told him yet about…all this? Is he going to object to my staying here?”

The pounding in her head increased.

“Miles broke up with me.” She said flatly.

“What?” Jasper sat up and turned around bodily to face her. “Why?”

“To give me space.”

“Because of me?”

“Yes, damn you.” She said crossly, then bit her tongue. Turned away.

“Simpkey…”

She shook her head. “I really do not want to talk about this.”

“Right. I’m…I’m sorry.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

“He’s a fool, you know.”

“What part of ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ did you not get?”

He shrugged. “He’s a fool to let you go. Even just to give you space. I ought to know. I’m the world’s biggest fool, aren’t I?”

His eyes were sorrowful as she glanced up at him. She felt her heart melt a little.

_Damn him. And those beautiful, soulful eyes._

“Oh Jasper. Please don’t. This is what I meant…I can’t…I just can’t.”

“Right. Sorry. Okay, look. How about we both have a bit of a lie down. Then perhaps later we can check out the little restaurant here for dinner. Then call it an early night.”

It was agreed, and Jasper went into his room to lie down and closed the dividing door. Only afterward did Iris head back to her room, grab her things and make for the big green tiled shower. Perhaps being clean and rested would make a difference in her outlook. In some ways, she reflected as she turned on the super-heated jets, she was proud of herself. She’d stood her ground—made her position plain. And even though they were having to share, perhaps now that she’d erected some boundaries between them and Jasper seemed willing to abide by them, they could really begin the process of moving forward.

* * *

Jasper Bloom closed his door, sealing himself in. Well. He was still here. That was something, at least. They were sharing a cabana, and Iris didn’t seem to hate him so much after all. Was willing to give him a chance to be friends. All of that, he supposed, could be counted in the plus category.

But the fact that he could hear her in the shower, and he wasn’t in there with her was definitely in the minus column. 

_Damn_, he thought, running his hand through his hair. There had to be a solution to his problem—had to be. Why was he not seeing it?

Miles had taken himself out of the picture. He fought down a jolt of excitement at the prospect. He never would have done the same, had it been him.

He texted Sarah to let her know they had arrived, but couldn’t bring himself to give her any real details. To prevent her calling, he told her he was about to go to sleep. Well, it was nearly true.

Honesty. Iris had asked for his honesty, even to Sarah. But honesty to Iris was one thing, it was another thing again to Sarah. Sarah was not the woman that Iris was. And he supposed that was a good thing, after all. But all the same, he knew what the price would be of his honesty to Sarah. And he was not sure he was ready to pay that price.

He found himself before the window, gazing at paradise on the other side. The rain was tapering off now, dripping picturesquely off of the great, waxy leaves of some plant or other just outside his window in great big crystal drops.

Iris was in the shower.

The thought tormented him. In the privacy of his mind he indulged in a little fantasy. Himself, opening his doors. Walking to the bathroom. He’d already been in there. He’d seen the shower. Not even so much as a curtain. He would stand and watch her bathe, watch the water run down her bare curves, hugging and caressing them as he wished to. She would turn, startled, to see him. Suddenly he was naked—it was his dream, after all, so no worries about the logistics of removing his clothes—and he would walk towards her slowly, his body more than ready for her.

‘Jasper?! What are you doing here?’ she would ask.

‘Making love to you,’ would be his only reply before he landed his kiss upon her mouth.

Ohh it was too good. The water running over them both, her body slick and warm. He knew exactly how she’d melt beneath his touch. Protesting a little at first but giving in eventually. It had always been that way with Iris. Effortless. Necessary. Inevitable.

Natural.

And so very right.

He opened his eyes again, his whole body thrumming now with need. He stood watching the rain-soaked world sparkling in the sunlight, his every nerve ending tuned towards her shower. He knew what she looked like naked, of course. Knew her body. Knew exactly how she liked him to touch her and where. Knew what she sounded like when she came.

It was a particularly erotic torture, this. And such thoughts as he was having were not conducive to the fragility of his situation with her. He had to get a handle on himself. Mostly by forgetting how badly he wanted her to get a handle on himself.

He took a deep breath and let it out. Ran a hand through his hair. Perhaps when she finished he’d get in there himself.

And set the water to very cold.

* * *

Iris toweled her hair off with a sigh. Already she felt better. And so far so good—no Jasper.

One downside though—she hated putting clothes on in a steamed-up bathroom. They never went on properly. And as she struggled into her clothes again, her irritation with him spiked.

It was his bloody fault that she had to do this. His bloody fault, all of it. If it weren’t for him shagging Sarah to begin with, she wouldn’t have to be in here dressing alone, struggling with her bra. She could be out there doing it without shame or any need for modesty. And if it weren’t for him shagging Sarah and then now being here like this, she wouldn’t have to be here either.

Was there any more infuriating man on the whole ruddy planet than Jasper Bloom?

As if on cue, there was a light knock on the door.

“Iris?”

“Hang on,” she said, “out in a second.” She threw on her blouse, hating it sticking to her, and with a sigh gathered up her things. She opened the door to see him standing there, looking somewhat disheveled. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to monopolize the bathroom. It’s all yours if you want it.”

His eyes were on her a second too long, taking in her wet hair, her shower-fresh appearance. He nodded at last. “No problem. I won’t be a tick and if you want it again, you can have it back.”

She nodded and hastily made her way past him, puzzled. Hadn’t they just come to an understanding of sorts? Shouldn’t the air be somewhat cleared by now? Why then did it feel as if things just got awkward again? She made her way thoughtfully to her room and put away all of her things.

As she sat on her bed, brushing out her hair, she heard the shower start up behind her. And then, astonishingly, a loud exclamation, followed by something like, “Cold! Cold! Cold! Cold! COLD!”

That was funny. She hadn't used all the hot water, surely? It wasn’t even starting to go cold when she left. Shaking her head, she went back to brushing out her hair.


	10. Something Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at the resort restaurant sounded like a simple enough prospect, at least until a surprise encounter complicates matters even further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I stand in line  
Until you think you have the time  
To spend an evening with me
> 
> And if we go some place to dance  
I know that there's a chance  
You won't be leaving with me
> 
> And afterwards we drop  
Into a quiet little place  
And have a drink or two
> 
> And then I go and spoil it all  
By saying something stupid  
Like I love you
> 
> I can see it in your eyes  
You still despise the same old lines  
You heard the night before
> 
> And though it's just a line to you  
For me it's true  
And never seemed so right before....
> 
> The time is right, your perfume fills my head  
The stars get red  
And oh, the night's so blue
> 
> And then I go and spoil it all  
By saying something stupid  
Like I love you
> 
> I love you..."  
("Something Stupid", Frank and Nancy Sinatra, 1967)

Chapter 10—Something Stupid

When they both were ready, they made their way to the on-site cafe, situated in another part of the resort in its own cabana. They followed the site map, walking along a beautiful cobbled pathway that ran beside the tributary, uphill partway, and came to it at last, perched as it was alongside the bubbling river on a hillside, just like in the brochure photograph.

“Welcome!” said their maitre d’, “Señor y Señora! Come! I have a romantic table for two, just this way.”

“Uh…sorry that’s…señorita, actually. We’re not…that is…” Iris smiled, and tried again. “We’re not together. We’re just…friends.”

“Ah, I see,” the maitre d’ said, with a look at Jasper, who’s eyes were cast down. “So sorry. But it is still a very nice table with a very nice view, if you would like to follow me?”

Jasper knew exactly what the man was thinking. What kind of a monumental moron came out here with a woman as beautiful as Iris and was ‘just friends’? _The kind that had her and then screwed up, that’s what kind,_ he thought darkly. He glowered at the man, who was making surreptitious lascivious glances at Iris when she wasn’t looking. Not that he blamed him at all. She was gorgeous. Dressed for dinner in a sexy, strappy, short little black dress with a flouncy hem and tall, flirty sandals, her long, strawberry blond curls cascading loosely down her back. He beat the waiter to the punch and, with a warning look, he pulled out Iris’ chair for her and then sat opposite her at their small, intimate little table. 

They ordered wine, and mercifully the maitre d’ left quickly to put in the order.

“What’s wrong?”

“Huh? Oh…nothing. I just…hope it’s not corked, is all.” He turned to her with a smile. “You look hot tonight,” he said before he could stop himself.

“Jasper…”

“I’m sorry. It…flew out of me.”

Her shoulders sagged and some of the lights went out of her eyes, and Jasper kicked himself. She shook her head at him. “You know, if this is going to work…”

“I know. You…don’t have to say it. I’m sorry. I’ll--try not to notice, I promise.”

She smiled, her eyes softening. “Thank you though. It’s kind of you to say.”

“No it isn’t. Its the truth.” He bit his lip. Why could he not keep his big mouth shut? But that, he was finding, was jolly hard to do when his heart was so full. 

“It’s really a beautiful place, isn’t it?” She turned her eyes out of the window with a smile. The sunset was streaking the sky with the most amazing hues, and the sky was on fire with shades of deep magenta, burnt orange, and glowing amber, teased around the outer edges with the beginnings of a violet night. “Have you ever seen a sky like that one?”

But he had no eyes for the sky. The vision before him was far more breathtaking than any scenery.

“No,” he said. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in all my life.” He swallowed hard as his heart twisted painfully in his chest. 

She had not noticed he wasn’t looking where she was. She turned back to him, her smile blinding him. And in that moment, it was so much like the way things had been between them before, that he felt the wind had been knocked forcefully from his chest. Before Sarah. Before he’d let her down. Before he’d broken her heart and ruined everything, she had looked at him just like that. Her eyes shining with joy and love, the full force of her brilliant smile lighting up his world until it positively glowed.

It felt like a sucker punch.

“Me either,” she said, still not noticing he could not breathe for the feelings choking him. “We have to get some pictures of that sky. That must go on the column.”

Back to earth he plummeted. Tried to get his mind refocused on the present. 

“Sure. How about I take your picture…standing before the…river thing?”

“Okay. But we need some shots of just sky too. That alone is gorgeous.”

The waiter had just come back, and Iris turned her smile to him, who returned it brightly. “Do you mind holding our table, just for a moment? We want to take a picture just there. The sunset is so beautiful.”

“Of course, Señorita,” he said with a bow.

Jasper glowered. The waiter was far too young and handsome for his taste. Why could the men who worked at the places be old codgers or something? Why was there always the cabana boy instead?

“Thank you! We’ll be right back!”

* * *

Iris let Jasper take her arm and lead her from the restaurant, but broke free of him as they found their ideal picture vantage point.

“Whose camera should we use?”

“Mine,” he said instantly.

“Alright,” she said. “Where do you want me?”

There was a beat, and Iris kicked herself for her poor choice of words. She assiduously avoided his eyes, and particularly what flashed within them.

“How about that rock?” he said eventually. “Can you stand on that flat bit there?”

“What, here?”

He gazed at her critically. “A bit left I think.”

She moved. “How’s this?”

“A bit more.” He came to her and put his hands on her arms, scooting her.

His touch was electric. And this time, she couldn’t avoid his eyes.

She smiled a little hesitantly.

“There,” he said softly, stepping away. “Perfect. Smile then?”

It was hard to smile at Jasper. She took a deep breath and thought of Miles instead. Miles who was so comfortable. She smiled for him.

“One more!” He aimed the camera again. “Perfect.”

She stepped away. “Don’t forget we want the sky by itself this time.” He took pictures where she pointed.

“Now then,” she said, taking the camera from him. “Do you want me to take one of you? To send to Sarah? Or put in the column?”

“Alright,” he said and hopped on the rock he’d had her stand on.

She took the shot.

“Now. Give me something more introspective.”

“What? Why?” He chuckled, wrinkling his nose adorably. 

“I don’t know. Maybe for your new profile picture for syndication? A thoughtful pose before a crimson sky?”

He nodded. “If you say so.”

“This one aught to be a bit more close up.” What was she doing? She didn’t dare ask herself that question—let alone answer it—as she zoomed in on his face, catching the way the fading sunset gilded his long eyelashes, and turned his eyes to emeralds.

It was a picture she would have treasured, were she Sarah. She had captured him far too well. All his male beauty set off perfectly by the dramatic tropical surroundings, by the pensive expression on his face.

She hoped Sarah would treasure it. The way she treasured him.

“Here,” she said, showing it to him, swallowing the sudden desire to cry. “What do you think?”

He chuckled a little, his eyes flying to hers. “No! That will never do. You’ve made me look far too heroic.” He gave her a crooked smile, his eyes speculative.

_Damn it all! _ She felt her cheeks flush.

“Well…but for Sarah…”

He shook his head. “If I showed that to Sarah and said you’d taken it, shit would really hit the fan. No. You keep it, Simpkey. Or rather, it’s my camera, I’ll keep it for you, if you like, and send it to you later. Just don’t go idealizing that guy again, huh? You know he’s a schmuck who doesn’t deserve you.” He swallowed hard and turned away. “We better head back,” he said, taking the camera from her. “Or your lover boy waiter will have given our table away.”

They descended into a rather thoughtful silence as they walked back together. 

* * *

To Jasper's chagrin, their dinner entertainment for the evening was a DJ, who was setting up as they once again arrived back. And as the diners finished their meals, they took to the veranda, dancing to the driving Latin beat.

Jasper groaned inwardly. He hated this kind of dancing. Mostly because he couldn't do it without looking like an absolute spanner. But even that wasn’t the real problem. The real problem was that Simpkey loved it. Still, he followed her outdoors and stood along the sideline, watching the couples go by.

“Oh come on, Jasper! Just one?!” She turned to him during a tango.

“I don’t know how to dance these bloody dances, you know I don’t!”

“Right. Okay well. Never mind. Sorry…its the wine talking anyway I’m sure.”

“S’cuse me. I’m sorry if I’m being forward but…you look like a lady who’d like a turn on the dance floor.”

Jasper’s throat seized up. A tall man in a cowboy hat was standing before Iris, lips curled in a flirtatious smile. He was all…chiseled jaw and broad shoulders, his accent was a lazy sounding American.

_Bloody Yanks_. He was starting to really hate them.

“Actually, yes, I would!” Iris said, flashing him her brightest smile.

“You don’t mind, do ya, fella?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry. Are you addressing me?” Jasper said, affecting disinterestedness.

“That’s right. Is she with you?”

“No,” Iris said. “I am not. We’re here on holiday together, but we’re not…_together_, together. Not like that.”

“Oh. Well in that case. Promise I’ll have her back in one piece,” the cowboy winked and offered Iris his arm. Iris cast him a glance that was half apology, half enthusiasm and just like that, she was gone.

Jasper went to the bar. Ordered a double shot of rum. Downed it in one swallow, and ordered another.

* * *

“I might be a little rusty,” her new companion confessed. “I haven’t done this since college. But I was pretty good then. S’pose it’s like riding a bicycle. Once you learn, you’re good to go.” He grinned at her and winked. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” Iris could not stop smiling. Her dancing partner was charming. A country boy obviously. And American. But the hat…the boots he wore… “Pardon me asking, but your accent. You’re American, I take it?”

“Sorta kinda,” he said, “People from my neck of the woods call themselves Texans first, then Americans.”

“You’re from Texas? Really?”

“Really, really!”

“I’ve never met a Texan before.”

“And I’ve never met an English woman before. So seems like we’re even.”

“I’m Iris. Simpkins.”

“Nice to meet you, Iris Simpkins. I’m Matt Connelly.”

“Nice to meet you, Matt.”

He was a very good dancer, and handsome as well. His lead was strong--commanding even--and as he dipped her, he smiled straight into her eyes. He had the most sparkling blue eyes she’d ever seen. And when he smiled, he had a dimple in his cheek. Iris found she liked tango far more than she remembered doing before. Once they pranced past Jasper. She smiled at him, but he averted his eyes back into his glass. But she had no time to spare on his feelings before Matt was dipping her again, and she found herself once again smiling into those crystal blue eyes.

“Oof! I can’t believe you haven’t dropped me!” She said, when he scooped her back up out of a particularly low dip.

“Never dip a gal lower'n you can handle,” he drawled, winking. “I got’cha. No worries.”

The dance ended far too soon. 

“Are you staying here?”

“Naw. I got a place not far from here. A spread of my own.”

“But you said—”

“I’m from Texas. But I live here. You? I’ve never seen you before. You must be visiting.”

“I am. Jasper and I are here on business. We’re writers at the Daily Telegraph and we’re here on assignment.”

“Ah. Jasper, huh?”

“Yes.”

“You sure it’s only business?” He nodded in Jasper’s direction. “He don’t look too happy.”

Jasper dropped his eyes when she turned to look. He was frowning into his glass and swirling its contents, looking more miserable than she had ever seen him.

“We’re both a bit jet-lagged, I’m afraid," she said, finding herself apologizing for him. "His fiancee is in England. That’s probably why he looks a bit cross.”

Matt nodded at her, eyes narrowing speculatively. “Why do I get the idea that there’s more to this story than what you’re saying?”

“Trust me. You don’t want to know it all. I don’t want to know it all.” She sighed, frowning herself. “We...did have a relationship at one time. But it’s all over in any case. He’s found someone else and they're getting married. So that’s the end of it." She smiled a little too brightly, her heart squeezing somewhat painfully. "And what about you? Are you married? Engaged? Or otherwise spoken for?”

He grinned and dropped his eyes, shuffling his feet. “You don’t mess around do you?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like I was prying.”

“It’s alright. I get it. No. There’s nobody for me. At least not when I walked in here tonight.” He fixed her with his blue eyes, his meaning clear.

She returned his smile.

“How long you both staying for?”

“A week.”

“Damn. That ain’t much time.”

“Funny. It sounded like an eternity before we walked in here tonight.”

He met her eyes, and smiled as the music started again—a totally different song.

“Is that Country Western music?”

“Sure is,” he said. “Sounds like home.”

“Well. Lovely, anyway.”

“This here’s a Texas Two-Step,” he said, indicating the dance. “It’s real easy. Care to try it?”

“I’d love to.”

He embraced her in the dancing position. He showed her how to step and shuffle in time to the music. He was right, it was very easy. But also quite fun. After she’d gotten the basic step, he began to improvise, teaching her how to spin beneath his arm. By the end of the dance, she felt like an expert. And she’d had a marvelous time.

“Thank you, truly.” She said when he released her. “This was magical.”

“Can I see you again?” He said. “I hope you don’t mind me saying so but…I really enjoyed meeting you. I’d like to get to know you better. Iris.”

“Sure,” she said a little breathlessly, liking very much the way her name sounded in his accent. “What had you in mind?”

“Can I get your number?”

“Oh! Of course! Let me…I have a card in my handbag back at the table.” 

* * *

By the time Iris made it back, Jasper was so shit-faced he could hardly hold his head up. That was great. Bloody great. All he needed was the bloody Marlborough Man moving in on his girl. And her enjoying it to boot. She led her cowboy back in his direction. He watched as, giggling, she fished for her purse and handed him her bloody card.

“Call me anytime,” she said.

“Will do. Bye now,” he said with a wink. 

"Bye." 

And with a tip of his hat in both their directions, he disappeared into the crowd.

“If you’re quite finished,” Jasper slurred. “I want to go.”

Iris turned and looked at him in surprise. “Jasper? Are you…you are!”

“Well I’m damn sure not driving I can tell you that!”

“We walked, remember?”

“God that’s even worse.”

“Can you make it?”

“Course I can!”

“Right. Let’s go then.”

He walked with as much dignity as he could muster out of the doorway of the cafe. It wasn’t his fault the bloody stairs moved out of his way when he tried to take a step.

“Jasper!”

“Oof!” He landed at the bottom on his left side. “Bloody hell! What the devil just happened?”

“Jasper! Oh my God, are you alright?”

He blinked. Slowly. Simpkey. She was leaning over him. Her long strawberry curls caressing his face.

He smiled. “I’m fine. Just…ooh! A bit sore that’s all.”

She was hooking his arm around her shoulders, helping him to stand.

“Come on. Let’s get you home.”

They staggered down the moonlit path together, Simpkey reading the map, steering their course.

“Nearly there now,” she said, reassuring. “A bit more and you can sleep it off.”

“You go on,” he slurred when they came to the ladder that led to their cabana. “I’ll sleep here tonight.”

“You will not!”

“I can’t make it up there! I’ll kill myself. And you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Come on. I’ll help.”

“I’m sure you’d rather I was…Big Tex you were helping up into your cabana tonight.”

“Jasper…don’t. Please. Not now. Oof! You’re…heavy!”

“Sorry. I’ll try and be lighter.”

“Try a…bit…harder!”

They stumbled up the stairs. His right side did hurt like the devil.

“I think I’ve broken my ribs.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised! How you managed to miss all the stairs I’ll never know.”

“I didn’t. They…moved.”

They finally made it to the door and Iris hoisted him in.

“There!” She said, depositing him on his bed, and taking several deep breaths. “Don’t move. I’ll get my first aid kit. We’ll see if you’ve damaged yourself.”

He watched her go. His ribs hurt, but his heart hurt more. Watching her dance with another man tonight had all but killed him. It was one thing to know that she had a boyfriend. Like Miles. One who was far away, and that he never had to meet. But it was something else again to be standing there as they meet for the first time. To be standing on the sideline watching as they danced, as the magic blossomed between them. To watch her turn that smile on another man...one that could dance so well as well as be a damned Yank...it was too much to bear.

He didn’t know why but he’d never imagined in all this time, that Simpkey would move on. That he’d have…competition. He supposed it was because he had always been fairly confident that she was in love with him, and therefore, not going anywhere. But now…well. He was the last person, he supposed, who should have anything to say about her love life whatsoever.

And God, how that hurt.

“Here it is,” she said, coming back. “It took me a bit, but I finally found it.”

She was so damned beautiful. How had he never appreciated how truly gorgeous she was?

She sat down on the edge of his bed. All he could do was gaze at her. 

“Right. Let’s see,” she said, eyes on his torso.

He helped her lift his shirt. Closed his eyes as she gently probed the area with her fingertips.

Touching his bare skin.

“Tell me if this hurts…” she pressed here and there. But Jasper could only focus on how close she was to him. How her favorite rosy perfume filled his senses…brought back memories…

“Oof,” he said finally when she pressed a particular spot.

“Is that bad?”

“A little.”

“Well. I don’t think you’ve broken anything. But you may have bruised a rib or two.”

“What’s the cure, Doctor?”

She looked up at him and smiled briefly.

“There isn’t one, I’m afraid. Ribs have to heal on their own. But fortunately for you, we can manage some ice. I’ll be back in a tick.”

She returned with a plastic bag, filled with ice and wrapped in a towel.

“Here we are.”

“I hate ice. You know I do.”

“But it’s great for taking the pain away.”

“So’s rum.”

"Rum, was it?” She said with a sigh, lifting his shirt gently and setting the towel against his skin. “Well--I'm afraid the rum got you into this mess. But ice will get you out of it.”

“I very much doubt it.” He jumped a mile off his bed when the ice touched him. “Bloody hell, that’s cold!”

“That’s the idea.” She smiled at him and dropped the edge of his shirt and stepped back again. “Now. Fifteen minutes on and then off again. That should help with the swelling and the pain.”

“Why is it that the cure is almost always worse than the injury?”

“The real cure is to stay away from overdoing it again.”

“As I said—the cure is worse than the injury. Hey. Thanks for looking after me, Simpkey.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m sorry I’m not a…tall, cowboy-hatted dancing American bloke. I’m sure you’d rather be seeing to him tonight.”

She sighed. “Jasper…”

“I know I know. None of my business.” 

“Look. Matt’s nice, okay? I like him.”

“You don’t…have to…” he closed his eyes in pain. _Matt. _And that little smile. Yes, she liked him alright. Damn it all to hell.

“But I’m not about to just shag him, okay? You don’t have to worry about anything like that while we’re here.”

“Good…that’s…nice to know…” he felt decidedly sick.

“Here,” she said suddenly, handing him his phone. “Well. I’d best get on. I expect you want to call Sarah or something.”

“No it’s fine. I’ll…wait. Till tomorrow.”

“Right. Well, goodnight, Jasper.”

“Simpkey.”

She turned.

“Do you…have to go?”

It was the wrong thing to say. Again. Pain descended down over her face like a curtain as she gathered up her first aid materials hastily and stood.

“Yes. I do in fact,” she said at the door. “Goodnight Jasper.”

“Goodnight. Iris.”

She slid the door to.

“Goodnight, sweet angel…” he whispered as she retreated.

* * *

Iris deposited her first aid kit down on her nightstand and sank onto her bed. She was trembling all over. She had been doing fine—really she had—up until the moment he hit her with his big green eyes and asked her if she had to go. It was a look he’d employed to great effect throughout the time she had known him. A look of such boyish charm that she’d been always and instantly turned into putty, and always given in.

That was the thing about Jasper. Just when he was at his most infuriating, he was also at his most adorable.

She really should be cross with him. It wasn’t like she didn’t have cause to be! And the moment she meets someone nice like Matt, he just has to find a way to ruin it all for her.

Well. This time he would not.

She gathered her things again and headed off to the bathroom. She needed another shower. And then, she promised herself, some much deserved sleep.


	11. It Must Have Been Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Jasper take a turn down memory lane that leads them to a catastrophic crossroads. Will they give in? 
> 
> *Mild heat advisory, possibly NSFW*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Make believing  
We're together  
That I'm sheltered  
By your heart  
But in and outside  
I turn to water  
Like a teardrop  
In your palm…
> 
> It must have been love  
But it's over now  
It was all that I wanted  
Now I'm living without  
It must have been love  
But it's over now  
It's where the water flows  
It's where the wind blows…”
> 
> (”It Must Have Been Love”, Roxette, 1987).

Chapter 11—It Must Have Been Love

When Jasper woke the next day, it was to discover his head was pounding, his body hurt abominably, and his mobile was ringing.

“Oof…Hallo?”

“It’s about bloody time you answer your fucking calls! D’you have any idea how long I’ve been trying to reach you?”

_Shit. Sarah._

He’d been too disoriented to check who was calling. He sat up with great difficulty and tried to focus through the hammers pounding on his temples.

“Darling!” He croaked. “Hallo!”

“Don’t you just sound so delighted to hear from me!”

“I am. Really,” he lied, “Its just--I’ve got a massive hangover I’m afraid.”

“Oh do you? Had a good night then, did you? With Simpkins? In your little love nest?”

“As a matter of fact, no. This isn’t a ‘love nest’ and no, its not what you think!”

“Is she there at the moment? Why don’t you put her on? In fact, put me to speaker so I can talk to you both!”

“I told you, she’s not here!” His patience was evaporating rapidly.

“Up early?”

“How the fuck should I know!”

“Well if she’s not there, why the devil have you taken so long to ring me? I expected a call when you got in. As a matter of fact, you didn’t ring me, I had to ring you!”

“Darling. It’s a twenty-four hour bloody flight! And that doesn’t include the little puddle jumper waiting for us at the airport—I’m in the middle of a bloody rain forest, for God’s sake! Did it not occur to you that I might just have jet lag?!”

“And a hangover?”

“All for missing you, Darling.” He couldn’t stop the sarcastic quip.

“Right,” she snorted. “Now I know she’s with you.”

“She is here at the resort, yes.” He didn’t dare tell her they were sharing a cabana. But then on the other hand, he’d promised Iris honesty. He ran his hand through his hair and let his head fall back against the headboard with a thump, closing his eyes against the bright morning light filtering through the blinds. Honesty would send Sarah packing in less time than it would take for him to get the words out. “She’s not here with_ me_,” he finished, carefully.

It was true, after all.

“Alright. Why the hangover then?”

“Because I have discovered that here in this Godforsaken jungle they make exceptionally fine rum. And as it turns out, extremely potent. And rather more slipped down my throat than was entirely wise. Why do you always assume there is a reason?”

“Because I know you. And there always is.” Sarah sighed. “Do you really miss me then?”

He hung his head.

_No._

“Yes of course.” So much for honesty then. He offered Iris a silent apology. Lies came so easily to him. Amazing how smoothly they rolled off his tongue without him even having to think about it. As if his mouth knew just what to say entirely on its own. He supposed, at heart, he was just a coward.

Sarah was silent a moment.

“Well. I suppose then I can forgive you.”

Guilt crushed him. It was an odd feeling. He had been lying for a long time to Sarah. Why was it just now he felt guilt, and not relief, as he had always done in the past?

“I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.”

_Worse. It got worse._

“Well. I know this is not exactly ideal. For either of us.” More lies. It was ideal—for himself. He toyed with the trim on a scatter cushion. Well, nearly anyway. He would have liked for Sarah’s accusations to be a bit more true.

God, what was the matter with him!

“No. Not ideal. But I suppose it’s to be expected now, this—you and Simpkins. Off together for weeks on end to God only knows where. Whilst I sit at home and knit, I suppose.”

He snorted. “I can’t even imagine that.”

“What? Me knitting? I assure you I can. I suppose I probably shall take it up now. What else am I to do without my Jasper?”

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling as if he were being choked to death. In the past he would have always had a flirtatious reply. But today…today he just felt uncomfortable.

“I am sorry,” he said, a little too sincerely. A little too aloofly.

“Jasper? Are you sure you’re quite alright?”

“I…yeah. I just…God I don’t even know what bloody time it is. My body clock’s completely broken. I s’pose I need a coffee.”

“Right. Well then I’ll leave you to get yourself sorted.”

“Yeah. Thanks,” he said. _Finally. Relief._

“But you will ring me later?”

“I will.”

“And we’ll have a proper chat? Maybe like we used to?”

He felt himself smile ever so slightly.

“Hmm…what are you wearing?”

“Work clothes, Darling,” she said with a bit of a playful lilt. “I told you…later!”

“I meant underneath,” he whispered.

“Jasper! Not while I’m at work! What kind of a girl do you take me for?”

“We shag at work, so why not?”

“We used to. We don’t anymore because we’re now professionals.”

“Are we? Since when?”

“Since I’m wearing your ring, Darling. And since I’m not alone just at the moment.”

“Oh. I see.”

“Ring me again later.”

“I will.”

She disconnected the call.

Jasper dropped his phone on the bed and lay his head back with a deep sigh. Just for a moment, he’d let himself pretend that everything between them was fine.

But it wasn’t fine. Nothing was. And he wasn’t sure it ever would be again.

* * *

A pool!

Iris stood on the beautiful deck behind the cabana and allowed herself a small moment of squealing delight. Not only did the deck off the back of their cabana have its own vanishing edge spa built into it, but beyond it, down a flight of wooden stairs through a lush, tropical garden, sat a much larger pool—one that made even Amanda’s pool look small by comparison.

Suddenly, a week did not seem nearly long enough to stay in this place.

Shaking off her reverie, she first went for her camera, capturing both luxury amenities in all their sparkling, pristine, turquoise splendor. Then she lay down her camera and made for the long pool in the back garden, shucked off her swimsuit cover up and slipped into the cool, shimmering water gratefully.

She submerged herself completely then came up again, smiling. Oh, this was gorgeous! Just gorgeous! A pool of her very own! So lovely and long and blue! So cool and refreshing!

Oh, she needed this at the cottage! She needed a pool. Of course, in the winter it would be useless. But in the brief glory that was summer, it would be brilliant. Surely a pool of her own like this would go a long way to fighting the stress of her otherwise pathetic existence. And what was money for, after all? She dove, and swam beneath the surface, stretching her arms and legs fully, enjoying the freedom to kick out long and wide, with no barriers or walls…

She came up for air when finally she did find the wall, dipping her head backwards into the shining water and smiling up at the sky, taking a great lungful of air before submerging again, deeper this time.

Every day. She would come here ever single day they were here. And swim every morning. And every night. And maybe every afternoon.

It might even help her forget she was here with…

“There you are, Simpkey!”

She came up to the surface in a stream of water.

“Jasper!” She choked.

“Should of known I’d find you here.” He stood on the edge of the pool, wearing short trousers of all things, that from her current angle she could see almost straight up inside. Much higher up, his face hovered, smiling, his eyes obscured by dark sunglasses.

She wasn’t sure what was worse. Jasper’s green eyes, or Jasper’s green eyes behind opaque sunglasses.

Either way he looked sexy as hell. Even in short trousers.

“H-how are you this morning?” she said, treading water, moving slightly away from him and running a hand down her face to clear it of excess pool water.

“I feel like utter hell, how are you? Well, I see.” He was still smiling as he took a seat a bit farther back away from the edge, on a reclining deck chair beneath the canopy of a dark green umbrella. He plunked down a tall, aluminium carafe of coffee onto the table, followed by his laptop bag, and lay back in the wicker chair, with his hands behind his head. “It took me ages to find you. Trust you to ferret out this!”

“Well…I’m only too delighted to find it.”

“I expect you are. You are at least part fish, I think.”

“Swimming is good for you. You should try it sometime.” She wanted to bite back the words as soon as she spoke them. She absolutely, categorically did not want Jasper in the pool with her!

“Not now,” he said laying his head back against the dark green pillows. “Now I need a coffee. And…maybe just a pistol to end my pain once and for all.”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. It can’t be that bad!”

“My head feels like someone is trying to open my skull with a crowbar. Or perhaps just a rusty, blunt-edged spoon. And my side hurts like the devil. Took me ages to just get the coffee machine working.”

“Do you want some ibuprofen? I have some in my carry all.”

“Darling I love you,” he said without moving to look at her. “Yes, please.”

She winced at his words, but dutifully hoisted herself out of the water nonetheless and moved to towel herself off and wrap her cover up around her.

“You don’t have to do that, you know. It’s just us here after all, enjoying our private pool.” His voice was soft as he spoke.

She turned, hands on the tie at her waist, to find his eyes on her. He gave her that slow, devastating smile that had haunted her dreams for so long.

She jerked the knot decisively, not answering him, and padded her way back up the path to the cabana. Trust Jasper Bloom, she thought darkly, to complain of a hangover while looking more gorgeous than any man had a right to. And to pull that little smile on her was patently unfair. He’d been enjoying the show, most like, of her climbing out of the pool in her bikini, her bum in his direct line of vision. He had always liked her bum. Used to race up behind her whenever she bent over, grab her waist and…

‘_Oh God you know what I like, don’t you?’ he’d whispered on one occasion, sotto voce. ‘Come to Daddy, Baby.”_

_‘Jasper!’ she’d exclaimed, laughing. ‘Stop that!’_

_‘Never,’ he’d said, thrusting himself against her playfully. ‘What’d you say we…’_

_‘No! Not now, I have work to do!’_

_‘Please,’ he’d whispered, grinding himself against her._

_She’d been astonished to feel how ready he was._

_‘Always am for you,’ he’d whispered when she’d told him that. ‘All you need to do if you want me is bend over, just like that…’ he’d bumped her again. ‘And I’ll always be ready.’_

_She’d turned and kissed him. Then they’d shagged. Of course they had. She could never resist him either…_

The memory almost flattened her. She put a hand on the door frame of the cabana with the force of it. Whatever else he was, Jasper Bloom was a really, supremely good shag. She smiled. No. He was one hell of a good _lover._

She closed her eyes in pain. Was. _Was_ a good lover. Then. No longer. Now he was Sarah’s lover.

She dabbed at her eyes. Dammit she was not going to cry! Not now! It had been years ago. It was all water under the bridge now. All past and…and over.

She made her way to her room, still dabbing at her eyes. _Ibuprofen._ That’s what she was here for. Yes.

She grabbed the bottle, stopping at the coffee maker for her own cup and went back out to the pool. He was still where he had been, head leaned back against the pillow, a book open on his face.

“Here.”

His head raised up instantly, dropping the book into his open hands.

“Oh, ta, Darling,” he whispered. “You are a lifesaver.” He downed them in one gulp then lay back again with a groan. But this time, his eyes were on her. “Did you put your suncream on today?” He asked suddenly, one eyebrow cocked suspiciously.

“You know how I hate suncream!” She said, drinking her coffee. “Its fine, surely. I haven’t been out here that long. And it’s not even hot.”

“Since when does _hot_ have anything to do with it?”

“Jasper…”

“Did you really want to spend the rest of our holiday burnt to a crisp?”

“I won’t be!” She hated the defensive tone in her voice.

“My darling English Rose, yes. You will be.”

“I am not your darling, and I hate that moniker.”

“Hate it all you will. It doesn’t change the fact that you will be as red as a lobster by this evening if you don’t have suncream on. You always say you won’t, and then you just do.”

“I _hate_ suncream!”

“Fine. Burn to death then. I’m sure that’s more comfortable.”

“You really are the most irritating person in the world, you know that, don’t you?”

“I only irritate people I care about. And you only say that because you know I’m right.” His gaze sharpened. “You didn’t even bring suncream along did you? You came all this way, to Belize, a properly tropical environment, and thought ‘Nah. Suncream? I’ll probably never need it anyway!’”

She sighed and sat back in the lounger, eyes closed. “No. I didn’t.”

“You brought everything under the sun, except what you’d most need to protect you from it.” He chuckled. “Right. Well. Just so happens, I’ve got your back.”

“What? You brought suncream?”

“Course I did. You might need it. And you’d never bring it along. Shall I go and fetch it for you? Good, I’ll take that as a yes!”

He was off before she could protest. Iris shook her head. No man had any right to look good wearing short trousers, and yet he did. And damn his eyes, why did he have to be so thoughtful sometimes? It was moments like this that made her fear that, should she live to be one hundred and twenty five years old, she would never, _ever_ get over Jasper Bloom.

“Right! Here we are!” He said upon his return, smiling at her from behind his dark glasses. He twiddled his eyebrows at her, and held up the suncream proudly, like a Boy Scout expecting a medal. “Waterproof and fifty spf and everything. All for you.”

“Thanks. As much as I hate the smelly, greasy stuff, it was kind of you to think of me.”

“Well. It’s the least I could do, really. You helped me into bed last night and gave me ibuprofen to stop my head exploding, after all.”

She took the bottle from him and dutifully set to work, dabbing it on her face, ears and neck first, grudgingly admitting to herself that her skin did feel a bit warm already.

“Shall I help you then? With your back, I mean?”

“Alright.” She finished her legs and arms before standing to remove her coverall so she could rub some more on her torso. “As pale as I am, I should think that the sun would do me a bit of good,” she grumbled.

“You don’t have that sort of skin.”

“No. I go from deathly white to bright red with no in between whatsoever.”

She turned her back to him while she worked some into the exposed areas of her cleavage and chest. Why she’d brought her bikini and not her one piece she didn’t have the courage to ask herself. And as for the voice in her mind screaming in protest as she handed the bottle off to a grinning Jasper to do up her back, she categorically refused to listen to it. It was a practical concern anyway. She couldn’t reach her back. And it seemed rather pointless to let it burn in protest of having his hands upon her.

She returned the sun lounger and flattened it, lying on her stomach as he knelt beside her.

The moment his hands landed on her, her eyes closed. She’d forgotten what magic he had in his hands. It sizzled now all through her. God, how she’d missed his touch. It felt like coming home. She bit her lip against the sheer pleasure pain of it.

He took his time, of course. Beginning with her shoulders. He didn’t just apply the suncream of course. He had to rub her shoulders to go along with it, massaging and kneading, his strong hands working the kinks out of her.

“Do you remember that time we went to the French Riviera for the weekend?”

She laughed despite herself. “God, how could I forget. We were only at the beach for two hours and yet I was so burned I turned purple.”

“I was so cross with you for that.”

“Because you had a purple girlfriend?”

“No. Because I had a girlfriend who was in tremendous pain, only because she didn’t like sticky suncream.”

“Sticky, _stinky_ suncream!” She corrected, as if the distinction mattered. “And it stains clothes abominably!”

“But it keeps you healthy and safe.” He said gently. “Seems to be good trade in my mind.”

“Not in mine.”

“Yes, but you traded long term benefit for short term reasons. The sticky stinky part would go away. But now you have skin damage.”

She turned her face from him so he could not see the sting of tears in her eyes. How could he be so gentle and caring like this, after…

His hands landed on the string tie of her suit.

“Shall I just undo this then? Just for a moment?” His voice was soft and husky.

And it went straight through her.

“Alright,” she heard herself say, biting her lip. “But your hands stay put on my back, Jasper Bloom. And you tie it up again straight away.”

“I promise to behave myself.”

He sounded far too pleased with himself as she felt him take hold of one string and pull lightly.

“Blimey. You’ve got this knotted on!” Both of his hands landed on her then, working the knot free.

“I have to. Otherwise it comes off far too easily.”

“And we can’t have that, can we?”

“Please don’t be flirty with me. Can we not…keep this friendly?”

“I thought we were keeping it friendly.”

“We are, but…”

“Okay. Sorry. It is a bit…like old times, this, isn’t it?” His hands landed on her mid-back. Heavy. Massaging the cool sticky cream into her body with great, strong strokes.

“Yes,” she managed.

“Or rather it would be, if you’d let me do this back then.”

“I did. On occasion.”

“Those were good times, weren’t they, Simpkey?”

“When I let you put suncream on me?”

“All of it. Us.”

She squeezed her eyes closed.

“Yes they were, Jasper. They were good times.”

“We make a great team together, you and I.”

His hands were so soothing. Lulling her almost to sleep. So much so that when they slipped down to her sides she almost didn’t respond. Then her eyes flew open as she felt his hands graze the sides of her breasts.

“Jasper Bloom! You promised!” She almost sat up, but then, remembered that would be far worse.

“I am just trying to make sure you have suncream there!” he said, defensively. “I’m still behaving! I haven’t put my hands anywhere unauthorized, have I?”

“Well. Technically I suppose, no. But you’re perilously close!”

“Sorry,” he said, letting go. “I suppose I couldn’t resist that bit. But they’re protected now, anyway.”

“Resist everything else! And tie me back up!”

“Of course.” She felt his hands trace the ties, pull them up and hold them out taut. “Tell me when, Simpkey.” He tied them once over and she felt it pull tight against her back.

“When,” she said as it felt secure enough.

He finished the knot with a bow, and she smiled at how meticulously he was tying it, pleasing his own aesthetics. His hands returned to her lower back now with more suncream, rubbing and stroking, massaging. When he let out a small moan she turned to face him.

“Jasper!”

“What?”

“What are you doing back there!”

“Just…putting suncream on you.”

“And that little moan?”

“Sorry I didn’t realize fantasy was off the list as well. You are a very difficult woman to please, do you know it?”

She couldn’t help smiling, shaking her head. “And you were being so well-behaved too. I was almost impressed.”

“Sheer, superhuman effort. Do you know how gorgeous you are? How lovely it feels to have my hands on you, hmm? You sure you don’t need any suncream…a bit lower down?”

He cast a look at her bum with something like longing.

“You are terrible! You truly are!”

“I’m mesmerized. I can’t help but be.” He sighed dramatically.

“Well then. I think you’ve had quite enough.” She held out her hand for the suncream, now deliberately ignoring the voice that wanted desperately to give him carte blanche to touch her wherever and however he saw fit. “And thank you. It really was was thoughtful of you. Even if a bit self-indulgent.”

“What? Self indulgent? Me? Never! I was thinking entirely for your own benefit.”

She sat up with a laugh. “Well. I’m for the pool again. Now that I’m so safe, I feel like making use of it.” She set the suncream down on the table, stood and stretched, feeling his eyes follow her as she made her way down to the water’s edge, and slipped in with a splash.

“Shall I join you? I hear swimming is just the thing for a bit of hangover.”

“It’s our pool, after all.” She said, shrugging and affecting as much nonchalance as possible, given that she was entirely at war with herself now. “Suit yourself I suppose.”

“Right then, I will,” he said standing, and shucking off his shirt.

Iris averted her eyes with a smile as certain parts of his other anatomy came prominently into view, even from a distance, once his shirttail no longer concealed it. He had clearly enjoyed rubbing suncream on her back. He caught the direction of her gaze and smiled. 

“What? I’ve not exactly made a secret of it, have I? You know how I feel about you.”

“You shouldn’t!”

“Why shouldn’t I? I’m not allowed to find you attractive anymore? Sod attractive, you know I find you hot as hell.”

“Jasper…you aren’t!” She said, as she began to divine what he was about. “You can’t!”

“Can’t what?” He asked her with a grin, hands on the waist of his short trousers.

“You can’t go skinny dipping with me!”

“Why not? No one else is here. This is our own private pool after all. And it’s not like you haven’t seen all of me before.”

“But we don’t have that kind of relationship anymore!”

“No but we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Do you go skinny dipping with all your friends?”

“No but that’s beside the point.”

“It is exactly the poin--Jasper!” She cried out as his trousers dropped, feeling her cheeks flame. She should have known he’d come down here commando. But faced with hi—dear God. She turned away. She’d forgotten how well endowed he was. She felt her face go very hot. The sight of him turned her insides—and her resolve—to jelly.

“I promise to behave myself! Just because I’m naked doesn’t mean I’m going to try anything.” He was completely unashamed. Grinning in fact.

“Jasper, I really don’t think this is a good idea!” She managed to choke out.

“Come on, Simpkey,” he said, twiddling his eyebrows at her. “Let’s go swimming.”

And before she could respond further, he slipped into the pool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper, you scamp! Uh-oh! What's Iris going to do now?


	12. Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris's resistance to Jasper is about to be sorely tested.
> 
> *Heat Advisory...NSFW!*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The dawn is breaking  
A light shining through  
You're barely waking  
And I'm tangled up in you  
Yeah
> 
> I'm open, you're closed  
Where I follow, you'll go  
I worry I won't see your face  
Light up again
> 
> Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
I somehow find  
You and I collide…”
> 
> (Howie Day, 2003).

Chapter 12—Collide

He dove in, surfacing near her, everything in him wanting to take her in his arms and hold her close. To kiss her until she melted against him. To make love to her, right here in the pool.

“Jasper!” She said, face pink as a strawberry. “You can’t…I can’t…we…can’t…!”

“Hey,” he said with a smile. “Relax, Simpkey. If the thought of me naked disturbs you so much than imagine I’m wearing swim trunks. It’s all the same really. We’re all naked under our clothes aren’t we? So me being close to you like this is not really so very different than me wearing a few thin layers of fabric, eh?” He looked down at her pointedly. She was wearing a delightfully skimpy bikini. A tiny bit of shimmery hot pink fabric stretched over her delicious curves, connected with bits of string. Damnation, did she look hot. He noticed that her nipples were hard. Begging for his mouth, his hands to worship.

Handling her today, he freely admitted to himself, had probably been a mistake. It had brought back everything. What it felt like to have her under his hands. What the rest of her felt like as well. And God, how he wanted her. And that was before he’d had such a lovely view of her bottom. Now he ached to touch her. Burned for her like never before.

What was worse was he knew she wanted him too.

“Yes but that doesn’t mean we just walk around naked!”

He couldn’t stop the smile at the thought that the two of them naked, walking hand in hand through paradise brought.

“But there’s no one here besides us.”

“But—!”

“Race you!” He said suddenly.

“What?”

“Race you! First one to opposite end of the pool has to kiss the other one!” He set off before she could protest.

* * *

“You—!” But he was already gone.

Iris set off in pursuit, and had caught him up and passed him before she realized what he’d done. She touched the wall and surfaced.

“Oh dear,” he said, surfacing next to her, wearing the most smug grin she’d ever seen. “It would seem I have lost!”

“You certainly have, because I am not kissing you!”

“Oh please! Just a wafer thin kiss?”

“No! Jasper…really. Please stop flirting with me.”

“Sorry. I can’t. Not when you’re wearing that bikini.”

“I thought it didn’t matter what we were wearing.”

“You’re right—it doesn’t. You look hot in anything.”

“Stop. No I don’t!”

“Come on, Simpkey. Give us a kiss. A little one?”

She splashed him instead.

“Right!” He said and sent a giant wave straight at her face.

She squealed and sent a flurry of little splashes at him, and thus began an all-out war. They splashed each other until neither could see the other for all the water in their eyes. Then finally Iris dove in and swam away, kicking a frenzy of water straight in his face on her way by.

He was hot on her heels, catching her up and overtaking her, capturing her on the way by, pulling her body in close to his own.

She surfaced and squealed.

“Jasper! Get off!” But she was giggling—she could hear herself!

“Got you!” He purred, close to her ear. “Ohh God do I ever got you. Or rather…you have got me.”

And before she could react, he leaned in and planted a sweet, full, deep and delicious kiss right on her mouth.

His mouth was hot and wet, and felt so damned good on hers! God, she’d forgotten what a great kisser he was! And it had been rather a long time in general, and…

She heard herself moan against him.

He purred with pure male satisfaction, and gave her his tongue.

She should push him away. She needed to. But God if she could help herself! She wanted him so badly. Had never stopped wanting him. And now, his mouth was open against hers, their tongues tangling. It was raw and naughty snogging, blatant sexual mimicry, and equally blatant desire. Her hunger roared up inside of her, consuming her, setting her on fire with need. She’d been so starving for this…and yes, she wanted it with him. She fell into his kiss, surrendering utterly, one hand on his strong, wet shoulder, her other winding itself into his wet curls, pulling him closer. He knew how she liked to be kissed--oh, there was no one better at it than he was! Her back thudded up against the wall of the pool, her front to Jasper as she pulled him closer. He happily obliged her, entwining his lower limbs with hers, making her feel his naked hardness against her body. 

“Iris…” he breathed against her mouth. “Oh God, Iris…it's been so bloody long...”

“Damn you, Jasper Bloom,” she said as his lips drifted to her cheek as he cuddled her close, his body wrapping around hers, sliding wet and solid against her…

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered against her ear. “But for God’s sake, tell me quickly!”

She groaned. Bit her lip. Screamed the word in her head, but…ohh, he felt sooo good. His masterful hands were on her back, pressing her into him, pulling the string of her bikini top, his bedroom eyes capturing hers.

“Shall I stop?” He whispered as the string came free.

“No,” she whispered so low she could barely hear the word.

He gave her his most devilish smile and kissed her again. Slowly. Happily. 

She was doomed. Doomed for all time. But God did she want him now. So much that she really didn’t care about anything else…anyone else…she would hate herself for this later. But now...oh, now....!

She gasped to feel her breasts float free in the water. Kissing her again he reached behind her neck and pulled the other string free, gently removing her bikini top and tossing it out of the pool. He kept kissing her, whispering soft endearments to her as he pressed her body against his, groaning against her mouth.

“Oh Simpkey…God how you make me want you...” he sighed, moving away to gaze at her, to cover her breasts with his hands, stroking his thumbs across her nipples thoughtfully. “You are so beautiful…”

Iris threw her head back in submission. The water tickled her skin right where he stroked her, the combined feeling was ohh so good. Then he leaned down and took one in his mouth. The instant warmth, the swirling of his tongue, him suckling…

She wound her hands in his hair. Wrapped her legs around his waist. Felt him shudder as she did so. His hands drifted down her body, landing on her hips even as he moved his mouth to her other breast, and untied the strings holding the last scrap of material on her body that separated them, drew it up and tossed it onto the side of the pool as well.

He was at her entrance, hard and ready, and she wanted him there. No longer caring about anything else other than this…

“You’re sure?” He nuzzled her neck. “Tell me what you want, Iris, and its yours.”

“You know what I want,” she breathed. “You know.”

“Tell me. Say the words. I need to hear them. I need your permission.”

She was so damned!

“Yes. I want you, damn your beautiful eyes! I want you inside me, Jasper Bloom. Here. Now. This instant. Please!”

He took her mouth in a searing kiss, fusing them together as his hands cupped her bottom, slid down her legs, positioning her. He broke the kiss, gazing into her eyes, still seeking confirmation.

She nodded, and he kissed her again, sweetly this time. Then holding her eyes with his, he entered her.

They both gasped with the contact. It was so good…oh so good…to feel him inside of her again!

“Jasper…” she breathed his name, “Oh my God…Jasper!"

“Bloody hell, I have missed you,” he whispered, gasping, gazing into her eyes with something like wonder. “I have missed making love to you…Simpkey, oh God what you do to me…”

Bloody tears, even now! She was doomed. Doomed all her life to love a man she should not love…to crave him inside of her…but she could not think of that now. All she could think was…

_Ahhhhhhhh. Yeeesss._

_Finally._

And nothing else mattered at all.

She drew her fingers down his face as he moved inside of her with exquisite slowness, his lips a hair’s breath from hers as they breathed and sighed into each other, captured utterly by his eyes, dark with desire, more serious than she had ever seen him. More open to her than they’d ever been. She gazed straight into his soul. And amazingly, she found his truth there at last.

* * *

_Lost._

_Utterly, hopelessly lost. Forever._

He was finally deep inside her body again. And it was so good. Soo bloody good. And as he moved, as he gazed straight into the dark blue waters of her eyes, he saw his own truth at last. Saw it, and for once, it did not frighten him any more.

“Iris…” he whispered her name. How was it that he could make love to her this way, and it felt at once familiar, and entirely new?

She gazed at him as though she was seeing him for the first time. And he supposed he was looking at her the same way. He kissed her eyes. Kissed away her tears. No. There’d be no more of those on his watch. No more tears.

“Jasper!” She was breathing hard, and his name was a cry on her lips.

_Good. Yes, oh yes, so good! _He meant to make it good. She deserved the best of everything he could give her.

He could resist her mouth no longer and he claimed it. Took possession of it. A fierce sense of possession was rearing itself inside of him. He wanted to lay claim to her. To imprint himself even deeper than he had already, to brand himself so deep inside of her that she could never be anyone else’s ever again.

Weirdly, simultaneously, the same could be said for what she was doing to him.

He wanted to claim her, yes. But at the same time, he wanted to capitulate all of himself. To lay himself prostrate at her feet as a small sacrifice, signifying his love.

_Yes. There it was, at last._

_LOVE._

She had been made for him to love. Made just for him. And he—for her. And God, did he ever...love...her...

The realization was so strong he broke the kiss, seeking her eyes again.

“Iris…”

Her eyes reflected shock as she gazed into his. Then, the ghost of a smile spread across her gorgeous lips and she raised dripping fingers to trace the line of his cheek softly.

“Yes,” she said._ I am here. I’m glad you finally pulled your head out and realized it, you bastard,_ her eyes told him.

He felt himself smiling, and he took her mouth again.

* * *

He thrust harder inside of her as he kissed her. Harder and deeper, his movements infused with joy and discovery, one hand falling between them, finding her, rubbing and teasing her as he thrust deeper, whispering incoherently against her lips as he kissed her.

“Oh Jasper…Oh God!”

This was not happening! It was not! But it was! Oh, it was and it was glorious! Why had she fought so hard against it? The simple, frightening truth was that no other man had ever made her feel like he did. Selfish, lying bastard that he was…he knew just how to touch her…just how to play her body…but it was so much more than that. So much deeper. And as he moved in her, she felt his heart wrap itself around hers. She looked into his eyes and saw everything she ever wanted looking back at her. Oh, she would never be free of him. There was a part of her that was Jasper's, and always would be. And that part of her responded to the touch of her master upon her. 

His body was wet and slippery as a seal against her, yet so solid and so warm, as strong as a mountain, as undeniable…relentless…powerful…

“Come for me, Iris. Come to me, Babe..."

She should not be here! She should not want him! But she did and she was and oh, God, it was heaven! She wanted him with everything inside of her. She whispered his name…whispered that she missed him...that she longed for his touch...that she needed him...reached out and combed her fingers through his unruly, drying curls, drawing his mouth to hers.

He leaned in to her purring, giving her his tongue.

His tongue. His fingers. Himself, moving inside of her. Slow and deep.

“Iris…” he purred against her lips. “Simpkey…ohhhhhh God Simpkey…”

His tongue again.

And her world exploded.

* * *

_Bloody hell!_

She came so damn hard! It rocked him. Rippled through his body in wave after wave of pure unfiltered ecstasy. He absorbed it. All of it. Drank deep of it--all the way to the dregs. Until intoxicated and overcome, he buried his head in her shoulder and thrust hard and fast, lost entirely, a slave to his need. Oh, how he needed her! Needed this! So long it had been! So long he had thought her gone forever….he would never…let…her…go…again! He raised his eyes to hers, breathed her name, and came.

And came and came and came some more. In her and for her. All for her.

The force of it staggered him. It flowed from him, body and soul. And heart. She pulled him into her arms and held him close, cradling him until his vision returned.

“Simpkey,” He touched his head to hers, nuzzling her face.

“I’m here,” she said again. Surprise in her eyes as she searched his. And as the haze of lust faded into completion, he took her mouth with his in sudden fear, desperate to hold her. Desperate for the spell not to break. He wanted to hold her and hold her forever. He stroked her hair. Her body. Desperate to hold back the storm he knew would follow.

Would she regret? He couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear it if she pulled away from him now. So he kissed her and kissed her, telling her with his kiss what he was still incapable of saying. What she would not believe anyway. 

_Please not yet,_ he thought at her._ Let me love you awhile longer. Please…_

* * *

That she came so hard for him did not surprise her. But that he came so hard for her, did.

Shocked her.

He’d never done that before.

She held on to him tightly, her body buzzing with satisfaction, his face against her neck, as both of them struggled for breath. For equilibrium. He was holding her so tightly, as if afraid to let go.

“Simpkey,” he breathed, touching his head to hers, nuzzling her.

“I’m here,” she heard herself say, gazing into his eyes, more solemn than she had ever seen them. And in their green depths, she saw something that almost frightened her.

And then he kissed her. Hard and urgent, his hands petting her hair, stroking her body.

She had never known him to be so affected. Always, shagging with Jasper had been amazing, but when it was over, it was over. He'd never been one to want to cuddle, or have pillow talk. He'd been a light switch--on or off. And could move from one to the other faster than she could blink. 

Now he was cradling her, kissing her with an almost wild passion, tinged with something like desperation. An answering sense of desperation was rising in her, too. One she was very much afraid of. She suppressed it, trying to lose herself once again in his kisses, his caresses. She absolutely, categorically, did not want to think. 

But she was thinking. And she couldn't stop herself.

“What have we done?” She asked when she could speak again.

“Made love to each other,” he said simply, stroking her hair, his eyes soft as he gazed at her and smiled, touching his forehead to hers, planting little kisses along her cheek.

“Yes I suppose we have.”

There it was again. Deep in his eyes. Something she’d never seen before as he stroked her cheek with a tenderness that was very unlike the Jasper Bloom she had known. His lips found hers again and he kissed her slowly and languidly.

“God above,” he whispered. “Bloody hell, woman.”

She laughed with him. “Good then, was it?”

“Ohhhh very…” he breathed. “You are very, very, very good.”

“Call yourself a writer?” She asked, feeling herself smile.

“I’m too overcome to be a writer right now. When one’s foundation shifts so mightily, one is forgiven for not being a human thesaurus.”

“Is one?” She stroked his eyebrows.

“One is,” he replied, kissing her again.

"Well I suppose I can forgive you this once."

"You are so generous," he grinned, and nibbled her earlobe. "So then. Was it good for you?"

"You know the answer to that very well." She said, giggling.

"Do I then? Are you sure? Maybe you should just tell me again for good measure."

"You are just fishing for compliments, and you know it."

"Maybe I am."

"You are shameless! It was damned good, and you know it very well."

"Was it then? Did I rock your world the way you rocked mine?"

"You always have," she whispered. "Today was no different."

"You do rock my world, Simpkey. Down to the foundations." He released her earlobe and kissed her again. Sweetly this time. 

She stroked his hair softly from his face. 

“Oh my God I’m an absolute prune,” she said laughing at her hands. “I feel completely waterlogged. I’m sure you do too.”

“I like a bit of wet. Never bothered me before.” He twiddled his eyebrows at her.

“Stop it!” she said, grinning. “You are terrible!”

He nuzzled her happily. “Simpkey…”

“If you’re about to say ‘thank you’, don’t.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Then what?”

“I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” she said, her heart melting. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his, trying to drown out the voices in her head that were shouting at her that this was the biggest mistake she’d ever made. Trying to drown herself in him again. To live, for once, only in the beauty of the moment. To forget all the rest of it. To simply feel. And let herself feel loved. And pleasured. And…happy.

“I love you,” he said out loud.

And there it was again. Deep in his eyes. The thing that frightened her.

“Jasper…” _Pain. _Pain ruining her moment. He couldn't mean it. He didn't mean it. She dropped her eyes from his.

“No,” his voice had a desperate tone. “Don’t do that. Don’t go away from me, Simpkey. Please. I can’t bear it. Not now.” He kissed her hard and earnestly. “Please stay with me. Like this. Just like this…” He kissed her again, sweetly.

For one more blissful moment, she let herself fall into the sweetness of his kiss before pulling away and gazing into his happy eyes.

“Let’s go back to the cabana. Will you come with me?”

He gazed at her a long moment and nodded hesitantly, and with one more tiny kiss and a great, dramatic sigh, he pulled out of her, and they climbed out of the pool, wrapping themselves in towels and retrieving their clothes.

And with every step away from him and towards the cabana, the outraged voices in her head grew stronger and stronger.

What the hell was she doing? Had she done? She’d cheated with him on Sarah! Cheapened herself! Made it virtually impossible to achieve any more distance from him. Made herself so easy that he’d never respect her or her boundaries again.

He would always consider her at his beck and call now. Good ole Iris. For a good time, call…

Why had she given in to him? Where was her gumption?

Gone. It was all gone. And she was back to being herself again. Iris. The best friend in her own movie. The human doormat. Pathetic. Beyond contempt. Had she no self dignity? No sense of worth? He’d given her nothing—no assurances, no loyalty, no anything. Just…waggled his eyebrows at her and jumped in the pool naked, and she had given him everything. All of herself. And got nothing in return. Her stomach twisted. Her heart was so crushed she could hardly breathe.

By the time she’d reached the doorway they’d subsided into an awkward silence, and by the time she’d made it back to her room she could barely even look at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dearie me! They've gone and done it now! Whatever will happen next?


	13. Promises, Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris and Jasper have now, officially, made a mess of everything, and the fallout could be earth shattering for them both. Where will they go from here? Will this bring them together, or drive them further apart? 
> 
> *profanity warning--some strong language in this chapter.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never had a doubt  
In the beginning  
Never a doubt  
Trusted you true  
In the beginning  
I loved you right through
> 
> Arm in arm we laughed like kids  
At all the silly things we did
> 
> You made me  
Promises, promises  
Knowing I'd believe  
Promises, promises  
You knew you'd never keep
> 
> Second time around,  
I'm still believing  
The words that you said  
You said you'd always be here  
'In love forever' still repeats in my head
> 
> You can't finish what you start  
If this is love it breaks my heart
> 
> You made me  
Promises, promises  
You knew you'd never keep  
Promises, promises  
Why do I believe?"
> 
> ("Promises, Promises" Naked Eyes, 1983)

Chapter 13—Promises, Promises

Jasper could feel it. Could feel her regret…her remorse…coming down over her like a dark cloud. Settling around her shoulders. Felt it sink deep in his own heart.

_Fuck._

Had this happened too soon? Had he lost her forever now? It could not be. He could not allow that. Not now. He could not bear it. Could not bear for this to be goodbye. Could not bear the thought of her leaving him forever.

He could hardly breathe.

By the time the reached the cabana she was practically in full flight.

“Iris…”

She took to her heels.

_Fuck!_

* * *

“Iris! Wait! Iris!”

She shook her head. Damn it! Why did she always have to cry?

“Simpkey…”

He caught her, took her in his arms, pulled her head to his shoulder, wrapped his arms around her.

She could not break his hold. Was too weak to fight. And so she let him hold her as she wept.

“Shhh…” he said, cradling her, “Don’t cry, Simpkey…please don’t ever cry again.”

“What have we done! What have I done!” She wailed into his shoulder. “What did I let you do to me?! Ohhhh my GOD, I can’t believe we just_ SHAGGED_!”

“Was it so bad as all that, really?” He whispered.

“No, it was wonderful! That’s just it! Damn you, Jasper Bloom!” She pounded weakly on his chest. “Damn you! Damn me! Damn it all!”

* * *

Jasper held on. Held on for dear life. Wept into her hair as she pounded on him. It didn’t hurt. She was weak as a kitten from their lovemaking and trembling all over. It was her desire to pound on him that hurt most of all. Though he supposed he deserved it.

He didn’t trust himself to speak. Anything he said might make it worse. So he drew her to the sofa and sat them both down on it, still wrapped in towels, her still damning him now one body part at a time, her fist still weakly pounding his shoulder, his arms firmly around her, his heart full of terror.

He would not let her go. Not now.

“Damn your beautiful…green EYES!”_ Pound._ “Damn your entirely too dexterous HANDS!” _Pound._ “Damn your lips and your delicious kisses!” _Pound_. “Damn your curls and your voice! Your laugh! Your smile!”_ Pound. Pound. Pound._ “Damn your great big—”

“Don’t, please. Damn anything else you like but that.”

He bit his lip as soon as he said it. She exploded out of his arms with a squeal.

“AAAAUUUGH! I’ll DAMN ANY PART OF YOU THAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!! MOST _ESPECIALLY_ THAT ONE!”

“Alright!” He said, hands up defensively. “I’m sorry. Continue.” He swallowed hard against the despair rising up in him. She was out of his arms now, and in her current mood he wondered if he would ever hold her again. The thought made him desperate. Afraid.

She was seething. But her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. She finally just held her hands up to her face and wept. “Oh my God!”

Cautiously he reached out to her. Drew her into his arms again. She came unresisting, and the vice on his heart eased a little. He breathed a little more freely.

“What am I going to do?” She wailed. “What am I going to do? Oh God! You’re going to marry her and what am I going to do?”

“I am not going to marry her. Not anymore.”

The words flew from his lips. Straight out of his heart and bypassing his brain on the way by. But as soon as he said it, he felt…relief. Confirmation.

No. He would not be marrying Sarah. He cuddled Iris close, resting his chin against her hair, squeezing his eyes shut. As cross as she was with him, he wanted to remember this moment. And the beautiful feeling of holding everything he had ever wanted in his arms. He nuzzled against her, breathing in her scent. Her essence.

“Do you hear me, Iris? I’m not going to marry her anymore.”

* * *

“What was that?” She sniffled. Sat very, very still.

Jasper’s hand was stroking her hair. His cheek nestling against her head.

“I am not going to marry Sarah. I want to be with you. Entirely with you.”

She pulled away in shock, seeking his eyes.

He blinked at her slowly, solemnly. His mouth quirking up at the corners. “It scared me before, you know. This. You. I don’t know why but…I wasn’t expecting it and…it scared the shit out of me to feel so strongly about you. I tried to deny it. I think I deliberately pushed you away because I was so scared I’d lose you in the end anyway. You were too good for me. Even then. Far more so now.”

“You did lose me, Jasper,” she said, eyes brimming with tears. “You made it happen.”

“I did. And nothing has been right since. Nothing!” he said, stroking her face. “When I’m with you, everything feels right. And without you, nothing does. Nothing--fits.” He choked on his last words. “If I didn’t know it before today, I know it now. Oh Simpkey…I can’t do it. I can’t marry her. I can’t do without you.”

He leaned in and gave her a kiss sweet enough to break what was left of her heart.

“I thought we were a square peg in a round hole, you and I. It’s what you told me before.”

“Before, I was a dickhead,” he said frankly. “Now…I’m still a dickhead, admittedly. But a wiser one now. I know what I want. I know what feels right and Iris—its you. It’s always been you. I know it now for what it is. Love. I love you, Simpkey. As terrifying as that is, it is true. I know it is. I love you.”

Her breath left her in a whoosh. “Do you really mean that? Are you sure?”

“I am. I am sure.” He whispered, leaning his forehead against hers and hooking her hair behind her ears. “Perhaps there’s a reason why we can’t quite say goodbye to each other. Perhaps we’re meant to be.”

“Oh Jasper…” she felt herself melt again. His caresses and kisses were more than she could bear. “You say the sweetest things sometimes.”

“Will you take a chance on me again?” He stroked her cheek. “Please, Iris. Say you’ll give me another chance. This time, I won’t let you down. I swear it to you.”

“I don’t…I can’t…I can’t answer that. Not like this. I need time to think. Time where you’re not kissing me.”

“I love kissing you..." His lips found hers again, and she felt her traitorous body yielding to him, her mouth opening beneath his. "Your lips are like honey..._my_ honey...the sweetest nectar...Ohhh, I never want to stop kissing you ever again." 

He took her mouth with his again, and she found herself letting him, hungry, despite everything, for his touch. He was so familiar, and yet so new at the same time. And oh, so damned good. She did not want to let him go either. There was a part of her that wanted to forget. Wanted to banish from her mind anything and everything but the beauty of his kiss. His touch upon her body. The way he looked at her when he told her he loved her.

He was right. When he held her this way…when he kissed her, when he was inside of her, everything felt so right. Deeply and profoundly right. Safe, even. Wrapped in his arms, in his kiss, she had the most alarming notion that what she had been missing, been longing for, was something only he could give her. Something no other man could ever give her. And it terrified her to think it.

She wrapped her hands in his hair, deepening the kiss between them herself. He groaned into her as he scooped her closer into his arms, pulled her onto his lap.

“Iris…” he breathed, his hands traveling down her body. “Oh Iris…I need you…God how I need you! Right here. Right now.”

She wanted to give in. She wanted him again—more than anything. But she wrapped the tatters of her gumption around her instead, breaking the kiss between them and shimmying out of his lap. He groaned again, in frustration this time. And she could see that he was more than ready for her again.

“God Jasper…we can’t keep this up. We can’t!”

“Why not? We both want it. Admit it.”

“I do. I admit it. But I can’t…just…keep…shagging you this way. I have got to think!”

“What is there to think about?” His eyes were hooded as he scooted closer, and she watched as if in slow motion as he leaned in, placed a sweet kiss on her cheek. Her jaw. Trailing his lips down her neck as his hot hands landed on her shoulders and pulled her closer. Her head fell back of its own accord. _So good. It felt so good to be this way with him again..._

“You! Me! Us! " She cried out. "I—God! And before we do anything else…I want something else from you.” She summoned all of her gumption and pushed him away, hating herself for wanting him back as soon as he was gone. “You have got to ring up Sarah and break it off. What happened in the pool was an accident— a mistake. But we can’t just keep shagging this way. Never again. Not until you leave her. Make it final, Jasper. If you want a prayer at a second chance with me, you have got to break it off. Now.”

* * *

He blinked at her, trying to clear his lust-drenched head enough to process what she'd just said. 

“I will," he said finally. "I swear it. I will break it off with her…just as soon as I can find my mobile.” 

She was right, of course. He knew it had to be done. He had meant what he had told her, and yet the actual act of ringing up Sarah was not a prospect he relished. But he supposed he could understand her point, after all. And if he really wanted her—and he did—than he would have to steel himself for the highly unpleasant task she had just set before him. 

“Right.” Her face shuttered.

“Iris…I mean it. I swear it to you, I will. Just as soon as I can.”

“Of course,” she said. But he knew she didn’t believe a word he was saying. The pain and the distance in her eyes chilled his heart. “Well. I have to get cleaned up, I think. And then we need—_need_—to get out of here. We do have a job to do after all. And we’d best start gathering some experiences we can share for the column.”

“Simpkey…”

But she was gone to her room.

“Simpkey I swear I will!”

She didn’t stop. Didn’t even acknowledge he was speaking as she gathered up her things and headed for the shower. When the door closed on the bathroom, Jasper stood, cursing, and went into his room.

* * *

Iris was tired of water. But she needed a shower after all that. And some distance.

Why did he have to be so sweet sometimes? Why did he have to snog her so beautifully? To shag her so beautifully? How could he say all of those things, and then turn right round and give her some pathetic excuse for not ringing up Sarah!

Because he was a schmuck. Just like Arthur had said.

What would Arthur say to her now? How stupid could she possibly be?

She balled up her fists and pounded on the shower wall in frustration. But the exertion left her weak. Oh, God, they’d _shagged!_ They’d actually done it! What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she so broken? She’d lasted less than twenty-four hours in this place before…_oh God!_

Worst of all was the absolute certainty that this, despite all his assurances, meant absolutely _nothing_ to Jasper Bloom. He fancied himself in love with her simply because she was here and Sarah wasn’t. Simply because she was—willing! And simply because, she rather suspected, that she was trying to actually erect barriers between them. And that made her exciting again. Made him want to pursue her again. It was the thrill of the chase with him. Trouble was, once she was conquered and once again biddable, he’d lose interest almost immediately.

She was so unspeakably outraged with herself she pounded the shower again. When would she ever learn?

All it would take to ruin his illusion about herself is one look at Sarah upon returning home. Sarah would crook one finger his direction and the next thing she’d know, she’d find them at it again. In the office. Or perhaps even in their own bed. And all of this that she had supposedly shared with Jasper would be little more than a dream. A holiday romance.

_Oh, God, WHY had she let him shag her?_

Unfortunately, she knew the answer to that all too well. She’d wanted him to. She wanted him badly, after his hands on her body, massaging suncream into her skin, his nearness…it was so like old times. And despite it all, she still loved him. Longed for him. And he was just randy enough to get into the pool naked, knowing what that would do to her. And she knew he loved doing it in the water and…God he did feel so good sliding next to her, the fuzzy texture of his body against hers, his beautiful eyes so perilously close, and when he kissed her…

It had been all over.

She closed her eyes in pain. She’d practically begged him to do it too! And she would have begged harder if he’d asked. She really was that pathetic. That needy! That…thirsty.

Oh God she’d never been so humiliated in all her life.

Never mind though. Once she stepped out of this bathroom again, it would be all in the past. She’d put her gumption back on like clothing, and this time, keep both on around Jasper Bloom. She’d keep him at bay now. No more weak moments. And now that she wasn’t so…well…physically desperate anymore, surely she’d have more stamina to resist him if he tried it again.

_If._ This was Jasper. Of COURSE he’d try it again. He already had.

She dressed hurriedly, saving her cosmetics for later. There was too much steam in the bathroom to put them on. Still. Make up or no. Fully clothed and fully armored, she opened the door. But there was no sign of Jasper. His bedroom door was closed though, so she assumed he was in there. She didn’t want to have any contact with him for now, but they really did need to get out of their cabana and find some kind of actual vacation adventure to go on. So obligatorily, she went to his room and knocked on his door.

“Jasper…bathroom’s free if you want it.”

The door opened. He was still in his towel.

“She’s not answering.”

“Who?”

“Sarah. I tried to ring her.”

_Sure you did._

“Well anyway. Bathroom is free if you want a shower.”

He took a long look at her, and something like acceptance and disappointment settled into his features. “Right. Okay. Thanks.” He turned back in his room to gather his things and went off without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a mess! Will Jasper break up with Sarah do you think? And even if he does, what will Iris's response be?


	14. Set Fire to the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper finally knows what--well, really who--he wants. But is it too late? Earth-shattering consequences continue apace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I let it fall, my heart  
And as it fell, you rose to claim it  
It was dark, and I was over  
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me
> 
> My hands, they were strong  
But my knees were far too weak  
To stand in your arms  
Without falling to your feet
> 
> But there's a side to you  
That I never knew, never knew  
All the things you'd say  
They were never true, never true  
And the games you'd play  
You would always win, always win
> 
> But I set fire to the rain  
Watched it pour as I touched your face  
Well, it burned while I cried  
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name.
> 
> When I lay with you  
I could stay there  
Close my eyes  
Feel you here forever  
You and me together  
Nothing is better
> 
> 'Cause there's a side to you  
That I never knew, never knew  
All the things you'd say  
They were never true, never true  
And the games you'd play  
You would always win, always win...
> 
> Sometimes I wake up by the door  
That heart you caught must be waiting for you  
Even now, when we're already over  
I can't help myself from looking for you
> 
> I set fire to the rain  
Watched it pour as I touched your face  
Well, it burned while I cried  
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
> 
> I set fire to the rain  
And I threw us into the flames  
When it fell, something died  
'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh...
> 
> Let it burn...."
> 
> ("Set Fire to the Rain", Adele, 2011)

Chapter 14—Set Fire to the Rain

“Oh my God. You are dumping me. You are, aren’t you? That’s what this is. You’re leaving me for that little bint!”

“Sarah,” Jasper said with a sigh, running his hands through his hair. “I know…that this is not easy for you to hear. But I can’t marry you. I don’t…I don’t actually think I love you.”

There was silence—actual silence—on the phone for a beat. Two. Jasper held his breath. It was a cruel thing to say. He didn't want to be cruel. But there were times when the truth was hard to contain--when perhaps even the containing of it was wrong. It was a painful truth, probably. But a necessary one. 

“Well. I thought she’d get into your pants eventually. I just didn’t think it would happen quite so quickly as that.”

“Look, Sarah—”

“You shagged her, didn’t you? You have actually shagged your little puppy dog!”

“She is NOT my little puppy dog! Do not call her that!”

“No. She’s your bitch. Your slag. Your piece of arse. And God knows, its big enough!”

“Stop it, okay. Just stop it. Do you hear me? I will not have you insult her that way!”

“How touchingly typical of you, Jasper Bloom. To fall in love with every little scrubber you shag. If you're going to tart about, at least have the maturity to keep it all in perspective.”

"I do not tart about!"

"Oh please, Darling. Don't bother to deny it. This is me you're talking to. I know you thought yourself oh-so-clever, sniffing round her heels like a dog with two dicks, skiving off to see her in LA. CEO of Sony, my arse! Did you really think I didn't know it was all utter bollocks?"

"You--you knew?"

"Of course I knew!" she scoffed. "You can't even lie properly. You know you’re pathetic, don’t you? You're nothing but a pathetic little man whore. You can’t keep it zipped for one hot second, can you?”

“No. Apparently not, that’s how we even got together in the first place, or had you forgotten? Was it me, or was it you, who locked the door to my office that day, sat on my lap and put her tits in my face? Oh, wait, no, that was you.”

“Fuck you, Jasper Bloom.”

“Oh yeah, well fuck you too, Sarah. Or what about Tom from accounts? Or Robbin from sales? Or maybe Serge, the gardener? Or that…Reggie bloke that keeps breathing down your Belisha Beacons at every one of your parties? Or Geoffrey, Gina’s husband who lives next door? Did you think I didn’t know?”

“Geoffrey is a much better fuck than you, Darling. So is Gina.”

“Oh! Oh well then! Good. Then go fuck them both, Sarah. Fucking is what you do best. I guess that makes you the slag here, not Iris.”

"You tosser! How dare you speak that way to me! You are a nobody from nowhere! Did you really think I was in love with you? You were a good lay, Jasper. But that was all you were. That by itself would not have been enough. But the thrill of seducing you away from Simple Simpkins--that was too good an opportunity to pass up. The look on her face the moment she heard we were engaged was almost enough compensation to find myself shackled to you for life."

"You mean you...us...all of it...was a lie. Why?"

"Oh Darling, really. You are _such_ a pillock. I'm starting to believe you deserve each other. Oh. And don’t bother coming home when you get back. I’ll have your little bags packed and put in storage for you. If you’re nice to me, I’ll give you the key. Or maybe I’ll just put it all out on the rubbish heap where it belongs. Alongside you.”

She hung up the phone.

Jasper exhaled. That was that, then. He sat and contemplated the phone for a minute, trying to process all she had said. It was possible, just possible, that she was hurt and disguising it by feeding him this cock and bull story about never having loved him. Or...what if it was true? 

He spent the next half hour reliving his relationship with Sarah. She had seduced him to begin with. Almost like she knew he was at a vulnerable point with Iris. Iris had confessed to him that she loved him, but he had been unable to say the same. He hadn't been sure exactly why at the time. She was great. So, so great. But he was a coward. Really that was what it had come down to, he knew it now. And his response to Sarah had been fueled by that fear. Sarah was exciting, he fully admitted it. She was uninhibited--well, now he knew just how completely uninhibited she'd been, it made him feel frightfully conservative and old-fashioned by comparison. Her worldly sophistication was such a contrast to Iris's sweetness. He'd been fascinated. Drawn in.

He ran a hand down his face. Things started to line up now quite neatly. Why Sarah had never really questioned his lies, even though some of them were really quite flimsy. She hadn't been bothered to. Probably had spent her time fucking every one and everything in his absence. She had always been aloof...distant...cold. Unlike Iris's warmth and genuine love, Sarah had been...controlled. Controlling. All the way down the line. He shook his head. Everything with Sarah was scheduled. Arranged. Deliberate. Never--not even in the wildest sex--had he seen her really lose control. Never had he ever felt any real...emotional connection to her. Perhaps that was why his feelings for Iris--his need for Iris--seemed to grow exponentially during his time with Sarah. Why he seemed to just rattle around in the cool urbanity that was Sarah's existence. He was never really a part of her life. Had never once felt her heart at all. Perhaps she didn't even have one. 

Other pieces lined up a well. It had been Sarah who had proposed. Well, not really. She had stated that they better get married and that now was the time for it. And whilst his back had been turned on that fateful day during the office Christmas party, when he'd nipped in to see Simpkey, suddenly Norm decided to make their engagement public. It had been Sarah who'd informed Norm--Sarah who'd undoubtedly seen where he was headed and who he was talking to. 

It had been Sarah too, the day that Iris had caught them, who had closed--and he'd assumed, locked--his office door. Sarah, who'd left it open deliberately then, which meant that Iris had been able to walk in on them. 

He shook his head, his heart squeezing in pain. Sarah had wanted Iris to walk in. Just as she had wanted Iris to find out about their engagement in the most humiliating way possible. 

And he'd never seen any of it for what it was. Never. 

He'd been used. All this time...used as a weapon against the one person in his whole misbegotten life who had ever really loved him. The most special and amazing woman he'd ever known. The woman who least deserved such treatment of anyone he could ever even imagine.

_Iris._

And he'd been a willing participant, all the way.

And just like the angel she was, she continued to love him. 

And he toyed with her. He did. He'd give her just enough attention to keep her there in his life. To keep himself in her mind, because underneath it all he couldn't bear to lose her. Couldn't bear it if she ever went away. As long as she was there, anchoring him, loving him despite his horrid self, he could go on. But if she ever let go his string, he'd be lost. 

How deserving he was of being lost forever. He sighed. What a pillock he truly was. What a berk. What an absolute tosser. 

How could she love him still?

He closed his eyes. Less than an hour ago, he'd held her in his arms again. Buried himself deep inside her. And oh, God was it so right. So perfect. And the way she had responded to him undid him. How could she still want him that way, after everything he'd done to her? She was a saint. A jewel. The most precious and rare of all women. And God how he wanted her. And God how he could never deserve her in a thousand years. 

No. He could not have married Sarah after that. And now, knowing fully everything, he counted himself lucky for his escape. Still. He was homeless now, and penniless, too. He had to recognize that he no longer had any other worldly belongings except what was already with him, because his venemous ex would spend the next week exacting her revenge on everything else he owned. His Jag would be totaled. She was probably in process of that right now. His belongings would either end up in the rubbish heap, as she threatened or donated to charity. Or perhaps burned in a ritual dance of some sort in the back garden. There’d be precious little of any of it to collect once he got home, in any case. To say nothing of his bank account, his savings and his credit cards, which she would happily clean out on the way by, as well.

But on the upside, he had his life back. His future. For what it was worth. And that thought, despite the ruins of his current situation, gave him hope.

And then, there was Iris.

He took a deep breath. Today proved to him, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she still had strong feelings for him. She still loved him. And that beyond anything else, gave him hope. If she could love him so hard despite his terrible self, perhaps--just perhaps--he might be able to win her back after all.

He now had the whole rest of the week to convince her to take a chance on him again. He could hardly wait to begin.

* * *

Iris looked up to see Jasper emerge from his room, then hastily averted her eyes back to her computer screen. There was a spring in his step, and his eyes, for the briefest of seconds that she had met them, had been sparkling at her with such green intensity that she had to look away. 

“Good news. There’s quite a lot to do around here, as it turns out. There’s several natural beauty spots to see, some of which include zip lining and something called tubing, which involves touring rivers and caves of some sort. And there’s loads of Mayan ruins to explore. Horse-back riding too, and here’s one for you—a tasting tour for hot sauce and rum.”

“Iris…”

“And did you know, I found out something about this place. Did you know that Francis Ford Coppola designed it? Originally it was supposed to be a sort of holiday home for himself, but later he opened it up as a resort.”

“Iris…”

“It’s bloody interesting…”

“Iris…” Jasper appeared over her shoulder, his hand on her laptop screen. He closed it slowly. “I have something to tell you. Something important.”

She looked up at him reluctantly. He was fresh from the shower, his curls damp and springing wild all over his head. His expensive aftershave mixed with the fresh smell of body wash and shampoo, and filled her nostrils with delicious man scent. And his eyes were as dark as the jungle.

He was so beautiful she ached in every bone to touch him. But she knew better. She took a deep breath.

“Alright,” she said.

“I just…broke off my engagement to Sarah. It’s over between us. Entirely. I am entirely free.”

“Oh. Jasper, I…that is…” She gasped in shock. “You did? Wha—just now?”

He nodded.

“And it’s…really over between you?”

“It was over between us the moment we shagged in the pool this morning. Truth be told, I think it was over long before, but I haven’t traced it back to exactly when. I haven’t had the guts to.”

“Oh God did you tell her?”

“She’d worked it out already.”

“So Sarah knows we…oh my God! The whole office will know by lunchtime tomorrow!”

“I don’t care who knows.”

“Well I bloody well do! But…oh my God, Jasper! Is it really over? You broke it off?” She swallowed hard. Her pulse was racing and she could feel herself start to tremble.

“Does it make you happy?”

She looked up at him and swallowed. His eyes were so intense, and yet at the same time, more at peace than she had ever seen him. He knew what he wanted now. And she was very much afraid she did, as well.

Very, very much afraid.

"I don't know what it makes me," she said truthfully. 

“Do you believe me now? I meant it, you know. I meant it all, Iris. I know you don’t think I did, and I understand that. But I did mean it. Every word I said. I want you. I want you all to myself, and I want it more than anything else in the whole world.” He dropped to one knee before her. "I am the world's most undeserving man, but I want you. Oh God how I want you. If you'll have me, that is."

Iris covered her face with her hands. _This was not happening!_

He looked at her, eyes brimming with hope and tenderness, and...love. Tears came unbidden to her eyes. Again. Then a dark cloud passed between her eyes and his, and the memory of that hateful day reared its ugly head. The day she’d come round to his office, and opened the door to find his back turned to the door, hips undulating, grunting in abandon with Sarah wrapped around him…she’d taken one look at Iris and came.

The memory faded away again, as fast as it had appeared. But not the pain. The pain never faded.

And as she gazed at him now, his face radiant with hope, she knew she would never ever be able to look at Jasper Bloom again without seeing that day. No matter what he said to her now. Or twenty years from now. It was there, between them. And it always would be. She buried her face in her hands.

"Darling? What's wrong?"

Oh, the hope in his voice! The pain too as he reached for her hands, pulling them gently away from her eyes.

“What happens when we get home again? When you see her again? You’ll decide you want her back. It will be only a matter of time and then I’ll come to your office one day and find you shagging her again! And you’ll be oh-so-sorry, but…oh, Jasper. I don't think I can live through that again.”

He was shaking his head. “No. No I swear it will never be. Not with Sarah nor anyone else. Iris, I know what I want now. I _know_ it. I know who I need—who I want with all my heart and it’s YOU! I _know_! Its _you_! Darling, its all you!”

“You think so now, I know you do! But you’ll still find me lacking, Jasper. I am not enough for a man like you, I never have been!”

“You are so much more than I could ever desire…”

“I am not! I am just…boring old me! I don’t like to shag at work. I don’t want to hang upside down in chains or…or…do…complicated athletics in the bedroom. I want simple, loving sex. I want to curl up with you and watch old movies together. I don't even really like going out all that much and I’m boring as dirt and you’ll be bored with me!”

“You’re not boring…you’re not…” He was looking at her like a man who saw everything he ever wanted slipping away from him. And it was killing her. “I swear you’re not. Iris…I was a complete, utter berk before. I know I was…immature…scared of what I felt with you…please! Give me another chance and I swear to you I will spend my whole life making it up to you.”

She shook her head. “Oh Jasper. I wish to God I could make you happy! I do! I want to be that woman. But all the wanting in the world cannot make up for the fact that as soon as you have me again you not want me anymore.”

“Darling, I promise you I--”

“You will! You were before. I’m the same person I was then. Still just as frumpy and uninteresting, and once the newness of this wears off again you will see we are still just a square peg in a round hole, and always will be.”

“Iris, I swear to you—”

She shook her head, buried it in her hands and sobbed. “It’s no good. You and I just weren’t meant to be. And as much as it hurts us now, it’s so much better to acknowledge it now, instead of going on and on, and someday down the line having to sit and listen to you tell me how you never meant to hurt me, but it just happened again…you didn’t just break my heart, Jasper. You tore it out by the roots. Shredded it! Shattered it…shattered something deep inside of me that day. I’ll never be right again. And if I took you for your word today, the next time it happened, I’m afraid there will be nothing left of me!”

There were great tears rolling down his cheeks unchecked as he gazed at her, still shaking his head. “There will never be a next time. I swear to God there won’t be. If you’ll just give me this one chance--”

“I can’t. I can’t do it, Jasper. If you let me down again it would finish me.”

He closed his eyes in pain. “You can’t mean it…you can’t…there must be…hope. There must be…what happened today proves it!”

“What happened today should have never happened, and never will again!”

He shook his head. “No. I can’t believe that. I won’t! It was…something happened today that was far, far more than just shagging. More even than making love. Something fell into place inside of me and…I knew. I knew it deep in my bones. Iris…I’ve never felt like that before. Always with you it has been special, but today…the rightness of it. I know you felt it too. You will never convince me otherwise.”

The conviction in his eyes unsettled her. She had felt something shift today too. The world, on its axis beneath them. Could swear she even felt the moment when it had shifted for Jasper. But it wasn’t enough. She didn’t dare trust it. She didn’t dare trust him.

“I’m sorry Jasper. Truly I am. It hurts me to say this to you too. I want you. I probably always will, but I can’t go through it all again. I can’t…believe you. I think a part of me will always wonder. Will always expect to come round any corner and find you…_fucking_…someone else.” She closed her eyes against the memory.

“Never again. I swear it to you! Never!” He was fumbling with her hands, his cheeks wet. “Iris…please don’t say it. Please don’t say there’s no hope. What will I do without you?”

“The same as I shall do without you. Go on living.”

He shook his head. “No. No! I can’t! Iris…I can prove myself to you. I can win your trust again. I swear it. I’ll do anything! Don’t you understand what I’m saying to you? I love you! I love _you_ Simpkey. I want…” he swallowed hard. “I want to marry you.”

“Oh Jasper! Please, don’t!”

“Doesn’t my leaving Sarah prove it to you?”

“It does. I do believe you.”

“But—”

“It’s not about love, Jasper. Or sincerity. Or even desire.”

“What then?”

“Trust! _Faith_!” She closed her eyes. “You cheated on me before. And it almost killed me. I don’t want to live my life wondering if and when you’re going to do it again! Your assurances are very sweet, and I’m sure you mean well. But don’t you see I’ll always be on the lookout? Always wondering which one it will be who’ll be giving you your next lap dance at the office!”

“The only lap dance I want is from you!”

“Now! But will it always be true? I don’t know. How can I believe you? I’m sorry Jasper. I truly am. But…I can’t. I can’t live that way—always looking over my shoulder, always expecting the rug to be pulled out from beneath me. Expecting some woman to come jiggling by and then I lose you! I can’t do it again. I can’t bear it. Today was a mistake and…we were both having a weak moment. In future, it won’t happen again.”

“No…it was more than that. You know it was.” He wiped a hand down his face. “Does it make you feel better to know Sarah cheated on me? With multiple men. And at least one woman, as it turns out. She just as good as told me that.”

“Oh my God. Jasper, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not. I’m not a bit sorry she’s gone. Not even a tiny little bit. She never loved me. Just like I never loved her. I know what love is now, and I love you. I’ll not rest until I’ve proven as much to you. We belong together, Simpkey. We complete each other, don't you see that?” He stroked her hair gently. "Don't you feel it? When we touch? When we kiss? When we make love? And yet it's so much deeper than physical. My very soul cries out for you."

“Damn you, Jasper Bloom! Do you have to say such sweet things?”

“Its the truth. And you know it as well as I do. It's why we can't let go, either of us. Give me a chance, Iris. Please…give us a chance. Isn’t the chance of happiness worth that much? How will we feel twenty years on if we don’t at least try? What if we’re turning our backs on our only chance to be happy and fulfilled in this life?”

His eyes were so so green, and the sunlight pouring in from outside gilded his long lashes with gold. He blinked at her slowly, his lips curled in a hopeful smile. It was a look of boyish earnestness that she had always loved. She knew she only had to say yes, and she would find herself caught up in his arms, being kissed breathless. She wanted that. Longed for it. Her mouth so eager to form the syllable that he so longed to hear.

She could still feel his arms about her, so warm and so strong. Still feel his body, sliding against hers in the pool. Feel him moving deep inside of her, and the feeling of utterly perfect completion she’d felt but an hour or so before.

She could have all of that now. Sarah was gone. He was hers for the taking. Hers for the word…

_Yes._

Why did reaching for everything she’d ever wanted suddenly feel like a betrayal of herself?

“Jasper…” she breathed his name, closed her eyes against the hope in his. “I just…I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about Sarah, sorry for the whole lot. Perhaps I’m too broken. Perhaps I’m just not capable anymore.”

“No,” he held her hands earnestly. “No, don’t…don’t say it. Please don’t say that!”

“We could have been happy once,” she said slowly. “And today, I think for just a little while, I wanted to pretend that we were still the people we were then. Before Sarah. Before everything broke apart. I wanted to relive it. I wanted to believe it. But we aren’t those people anymore, Jasper. Everything has changed.” There were tears streaming down her face. “You can’t come to me this way, after three years of torturous pain, and sweep it all away. It doesn’t work like that. No matter how good today was.” She touched his cheek, wiped away his tears. “We could have been happy together once. I would have married you then. Had you not turned from me. But you did. And so what we could have had together was destroyed. I don’t think we can recapture something like that again. A part of me will always love you. I’ve been mourning us all this time. But its time for both of us to let go the past. Time to move on."

"NO!" He said vehemently. "No I cannot believe it! I won't! Iris please...I can't do without you! I know I can't!"

"I wish you well," she whispered. "If not with Sarah, with someone you can love who will love you back." She brushed an errant curl off his forehead, her heart screaming in pain. No one had his aching beauty. No other man would ever touch her heart the same way again. He seized her hand again with his, and squeezing his eyes shut, pressed her fingertips to his lips. 

"No!" he whispered, echoing the cry inside of her. 

“I’m sorry Jasper,” she whispered, stroking his cheek. “But I think its best if we both move on. You won’t have any trouble finding someone else. You’re still far more handsome than any man has a right to be. I’m sure you’ll meet the right girl sometime soon. Then you’ll thank me for setting you free.” She leaned in, kissing his lips softly in farewell.

* * *

He moaned against her, weeping now, his heart in agony.

“I don’t want anyone else. Not ever. Do you hear me? I’ll never stop trying to prove to you that we belong together.”

She smiled at him softly, in a way that he knew meant she did not believe him. Stroked his face softly.

Her caresses were driving him mad. She was saying goodbye to him. And he couldn’t bear it. He captured her hand finally and kissed her fingers. “If it takes me until the ripe old age of a hundred and fifty to prove to you that you can trust me again, I’ll do it. I swear it to you.”

She smiled at him through her own tears, still not believing him. Bloody hell, what did he have to do? He looked at her in something like wonder. Had he truly carved her so deeply, and never even known it?

“Iris…”

She shook her head and smiled, her face now a mask of friendliness, shutting him out. His chest hurt so badly he could scarcely breathe.

She pulled her hand free of his and wiped her cheeks with both her palms in a decisive gesture. “Look. This is getting us exactly nowhere. We have a job to do here and we’ve got to check in by 7pm our time. It’d be nice to have something to report other than, ‘Hi Norm. Oh, the job? Oh yeah, sorry, we got a bit sidetracked because we shagged in the pool and Jasper broke up with Sarah.”

“Iris—please don’t do this to me. Not now. Please…don’t shut me out.”

“We have to get on. We have to.” For a moment she was back, her eyes pleading with him to understand.

“If we get on with the job for a bit today, can we come back to this later?”

She sighed, her shoulders sagging. “I really don’t see the point. There’s nothing more to be said.”

“There’s a damn sight more to be said, if this is your attitude now.”

“My_ attitude_?” Her eyes narrowed at him.

“Sorry. Poor choice of words. Please can we…discuss it more later? Can you at least give me that?”

“Right. Fine.” She sighed. “I had forgotten how tenacious you are.”

He flashed her a wobbly smile. “Well. When one is hanging over a ledge and faced with a free fall, one has very strong motivation not to let go of one’s lifeline.”

“I am not your lifeline. And you are being very dramatic.”

“I’m being very honest. Its a change I admit. But a permanent one.”

She sighed. “Right. Okay. We’ll table this discussion for later then. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Now. Where would you like to start our first adventure?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the song this chapter is named for. So appropriate too. It's not looking good for Jasper now. Has he finally lost Iris forever? 
> 
> Thoughts anyone? Please share below. Your comments are always loved!


	15. Under My Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After such an emotional morning, Iris and Jasper get on with the job at hand--exploring beautiful Belize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I've got you under my skin  
I've got you deep in the heart of me  
So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me  
I've got you under my skin
> 
> I'd tried so not to give in  
I said to myself this affair never will go so well  
But why should I try to resist when baby I know so well  
I've got you under my skin
> 
> I'd sacrifice anything come what might  
For the sake of having you near  
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night  
And repeats, repeats in my ear
> 
> Don't you know, little fool  
You never can win  
Use your mentality  
Wake up to reality  
But each time I do just the thought of you  
Makes me stop before I begin  
Cause I've got you under my skin…”
> 
> (Frank Sinatra, 1956)

Chapter 15—Under My Skin

“JASPER BLOOM!!! I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!”

Jasper grinned as Iris, clinging to her zipline, squealed off into the trees away from him. “YOU’VE GOT THIS, SIMPKEY!” He called after her, snapping pictures like mad of her progress through the trees. “STEADY ON, STIFF UPPER LIP!” He snapped another for good measure and turned and looked at their guide standing next to him on the platform, raising an eyebrow at him. “She hates heights,” he explained. “Not me, obviously. She’s just…its a term of endearment.”

She was safely on the next platform. He saw her being pulled to safety by another big burly guide. His eyes narrowed. He didn’t like the way the man was looking at her, even from this distance. And did he have to pull her so close to get her up?

“JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!” She screamed back to him.

“Ohh, I can’t,” he said under his breath. The man next to him chuckled.

“You a very brave man,” his guide observed. “You take your girlfriend here for this, when she doesn’t like heights?” He shook his head.

He didn’t bother to explain Iris was not his girlfriend. He didn’t like the way this man had been looking at her, either. Nor did he want to think about how much it hurt to know it was not true.

“We like to challenge each other, you know.” He packed up his camera and secured it for the ride.

“Your turn, man,” his guide said. “You ready?”

Jasper gripped the handles where indicated as the man made sure his safety cable was attached to the zipline. It was all perfectly safe, this. Foolproof, in fact. Between the harness and his crash helmet, what more could he possibly need to survive anything? So what if they were deep in the jungle, hundreds of feet up, speeding through the tree tops like a flying squirrel? It made him feel so alive. So free. As if anything were possible.

“Ready,” he said, and the man behind him gave him a push.

And soon he was racing towards Iris on the next platform, the wind in his face, whooshing through the trees. He whooped for the pure joy of it. There was murder in her eyes as the big bloke standing next to him pulled him up to safety.

“See?” he said brightly. “What did I tell you? Is this fan-bleeding-tastic, or what?”

“I am not even going to dignify that with an answer.”

“You look good doing it too. I got lots of snaps. It’s going to be brilliant for the column, Babe.”

“Stop calling me that. I am not your 'Babe.' And even if I was, I wouldn't be after that. If we survive this—which I very much doubt—just know, I’m going to kill you with my bare hands once my feet are on solid ground.” They stood and watched the rest of their party come in to the platform they’d just landed on, while others left on the next zipline.

“You’re perfectly safe, you know that, right? Look. Everyone here is doing it. No problem at all. No one’s fallen…no one’s got lost...”

“Jasper…”

“Nothing’s broken…”

“Jasper…”

“And if you do fall, you’re wearing armor practically. It would be like landing on a big, fluffy pillow if you fell.”

“JASPER!”

“What?”

“Shut UP! Can’t you see I’m bloody terrified!”

“But you’re doing great! Just think of how cool it’s going to be for the column!”

“How many more of these are there?” She turned to their guide.

“Oh…this is just the first platform. We've still got…what…five, six more to go before we reach the bottom.”

“Oh my God!”

“Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine! Just think what bragging rights this will give you. You'll never be able to say, 'I've never done ziplining.' You can check it off your bucket list!”

"It's not on my bloody bucket list!"

"There, you see? Not anymore!"

She turned away from him, fuming, to the edge of the platform, their large, muscled guide settling her to her zipline with a smile, and entirely too much gentleness for his taste. When she was ready, he gave her a great push, and she was airborne again.

* * *

Men. Were. _Pigs!_

Iris screamed silently, her eyes tight shut as she felt herself go whizzing through the air for the second time in so many minutes, gripping the zip line chord through her thick gloves as if her life depended on it. It didn't matter that she was harnessed to the thing by great safety cables, and was, probably, entirely safe. It still didn't feel entirely safe. It didn't feel safe at all. It felt like the stupidest thing she'd ever done in her entire life.

_Don’t think about how high it is don’t think about how high it is don’t think about how high it is don’t think about high it is…._

She opened her eyes…and wished she hadn’t.

The trees had given way beneath her, and she was flying across open country--hundreds of feet in the air.

The scream started in her toes. It didn’t stop until she came to an abrupt halt.

“Shhh! It’s okay! It’s okay, I’ve got you! I’ve got you, you’re okay now. You’re okay…that’s it…” A pair of strong hands, strong arms were around her, pulling her onto the platform.

She held onto him for dear life as she alighted, realizing after an embarrassingly long time that she’d been practically climbing the body of a stranger.

The stranger in question was a young Belizean man with soulful golden brown eyes. He flashed her a dazzling white smile as she came to herself. He was handsome and muscular, and did not appear to mind at all that she had been clinging to him like a vine.

“There now. All better?” He asked.

“Yes. Oh, God, sorry.” She released him hurriedly as he disconnected her from the cable.

“No worries,” he said with a wink. “It’s moments like this where I really love my job.”

She laughed. “Thanks.” Her attention turned to the next incoming zipliner and her heart sank. “And its moments like this where really I hate mine.”

“Simpkey! You have to admit…this is bloody brilliant!” Jasper said, green eyes sparkling as he landed, and the man she’d just scraped herself off of was giving him no more than a hand up to the platform.

“I am never speaking to you again, Jasper Bloom. Not ever!”

“I am so proud of you, you know. You’re conquering a fear…living life on the edge!”

“Don’t be proud of me. Don’t even speak to me ever again.”

“I know you don’t mean that.”

“I do. Far more than you realize.”

“Remember, it’s perfectly safe. People do this every day around here.”

She gave him a dark look as the next platform man readied her for the next off. When she went zipping over a crocodile-infested river on her next flight, she wondered if it were possible to hate anyone as much as she hated Jasper Bloom.

* * *

As beautiful as Simpkey was, as capable as she was for God knows so much more than he was himself, he could not understand how anyone could not love ziplining. The wind was rushing past him at a million miles an hour, blowing off mosquitoes and humidity and sweat, whilst simultaneously jacking his body on adrenaline and providing him with the most stunning views imaginable. God, it was beautiful here! The intensity of the colors of the jungle--the deep cool blues and blacks and greens, dotted here and there with flowering plants in dazzling shades of orange and pink, white and red--all under a blazing sapphire sky streaked with wispy white clouds. And up here, flying through it all, he felt a part of it. All together, he and the jungle, and the sky, and the zipline, and Simpkey--all part of the same organism. All one together. And when the trees opened to display the green rolling hills beneath, and the lazily meandering river below, it was the biggest rush he'd ever felt.

It was literally the answer to life, the universe and everything, right here. It even helped clear his mind a bit. Bolster his feelings. Suddenly things were no longer as hopeless as they'd seemed only a little while ago. 

Sure, okay, he had to admit shagging with Simpkey in the pool probably wasn’t his most brilliant idea ever, no matter how mind-blowing, earth-shatteringly good it was. It was too soon. Especially considering he hadn’t even broken up with Sarah yet. And okay, he could see her point about everything else as well. But here, zipping through the jungle, above the petty concerns of the ground, enjoying the most spectacular vistas imaginable, he found it hard to be discouraged about anything. They would find their way back to each other. Sure they would. They belonged together, himself and Simpkey. He knew it, deep down inside his soul. It was preordained. Written in the stars.

All that remained was to get her to see it. That couldn’t be so terribly hard, could it?

Okay, so currently, she was a bit cross with him. But she would get over it. He continued to encourage her as they moved through the line, but she was having none of it. Eventually he traded places with her so she could photograph his departure and he could get her arrival. 

They were back in the trees this time, and the fronds of the great, tall palms again brushed their long green fingers past his body as he flew along the cable. It was clouding up a bit as well, the brilliant blue sky dusted softly with white, and the sun’s heat did not feel so intense now. As he landed, he drew himself up and turned around, readying his camera to catch a video of Iris on her approach.

She knew he was filming and so she was trying to be brave. But there was abject terror stamped on her lovely features as she slid towards him. He dropped his camera and had a quick word with the bloke operating the line, who allowed him to stand there and help him catch Iris himself.

“Got you!” he said, pulling alongside the cable bloke, drawing her to himself with a smile. Drawing her a bit closer than strictly necessary. God, even here, in this sweat box of a jungle, in the trees and surrounded by strangers, he still felt a thrill of electricity as he held her.

“Let go of me Jasper Bloom!” There was raw fury in her eyes. And God, did he want to kiss her. But he refrained. That would be pushing things a little too far, even for him. 

“Are you sure?” He twiddled his eyebrows at her instead, and grinned as she fumed all the way up onto the platform.

“You…just…WAIT until this is over!”

Oh, God, he hardly could. He bit his lip and smiled. “Nearly done now,” he said soothingly. “Only one more to go, Simpkey. Then you can have your way with me.”

* * *

He was the most infuriating man she had ever known!

He sauntered along behind her, hands in his pockets. And she felt his eyes on her the whole way down the path until they reached the ladder for the final platform. He climbed up behind her—too close. Far too close. His feet only a few rungs beneath her. She could practically feel him breathing down her short trousers, as always, his proximity disturbing her in ways she did not even want to contemplate right now. When she heard an appreciative chuckle, she turned over her shoulder and found her imagination was not far off. He looked up her body, grinning at her without a shred of remorse.

“Sorry,” he said, blinking at her in that infuriatingly boyish way he had. “Have I ever told you how lovely your arse is?”

“Oh my God. Jasper!” She looked around them incredulously. “We are in public!”

“Are we? I sort of forgot,” he said, turning his eyes back to her bum as he twiddled his eyebrows. Chewed his lip. “Can’t think why.” He looked at her pointedly.

“You are treading perilously close to harassment, do you know that?”

“Sorry,” he said again with a dramatic sigh, his green eyes large and pleading as he blinked up at her with his most innocent expression. “I just--couldn't help noticing.”

"It would help if you backed up!" She turned away from him, and growled in frustration, pointedly ignoring the little giggle she heard behind her.

“Want to go down this last one together?” he asked in her ear as they stood in the queue waiting for their final run.

“No.” She said without even turning around. “Mostly I want you to bugger off.”

“Come on, Simpkey,” he growled in her ear. “It would be fun, wouldn’t it? You and me…hanging up there together, wrapped around each other, the whole world zooming by us at the speed of light.”

“No,” she said more firmly.

“You don’t think it would be…erotic?” He whispered in her ear. “Adrenaline flowing…arms straining to hold on…the world flying beneath us…your legs wrapped around me, holding on for dear life…me hard as a rock against you…”

“Jasper Bloom…please stop. No. I don’t want to do this with you. I want to get this over with and never do this again.”

“Damn. Well. It was worth a try.”

She breathed out a sigh of frustration and almost giggled at the dejection in his voice, but struggled to hide her smile. What was it about him that she couldn’t stay mad at him for anything? Not even when he’d dragged her up here to do this horrifying zipline thing. He always—always—managed to worm his way back into her good graces. Damn the man. Damn his boyish good looks and his soft voice. Damn his sexy smile. And most of all, damn herself for still wanting him, despite everything.

They finished at last, and made their way down to the water’s edge that awaited, and the row upon row of round inner tubes propped up along the bank. After their sweaty hike and all the terror of the trees, Iris was more than happy to grab the great big blue inflatable ring for herself, and set off on the next leg of their excursion--drifting slowly down a lazy river, to do a spot of cave tubing, which consisted of floating through a cave on an inner tube.

This was much more her speed. Better still, Jasper had to have a separate ring, so he could never quite get close to her this way.

Still, he made sure he wasn’t very far away either, and his ring constantly bumped hers.

“This is amazing, isn’t it?” He asked her with a chuckle.

"For this bit, you have my wholehearted agreement." Her tube had a cup holder on it, and the tour had thankfully provided her with a tall bottle of ice cold water. She'd downed half of it already, and the remainder sat comfortably ensconced in the built-in holder, great crystal beads of sweat forming along its outside and rolling down the bottle. She lay back, closed her eyes. Felt the sun warming her face as the palms—thankfully far above her now, where they were supposed to be—rustled in the breeze. Somewhere a bird called. She twiddled her fingers in the dark, clear, warm waters flowing beneath her, and sighed. Jasper could have the ziplining. This was her recreation of choice. If she kept her eyes closed, she might just forget he was here…

A snap and a flash brought her back to reality.

“Must you constantly take pictures of me?” She turned around to face him.

“Your readers will want to see you enjoying paradise.” He shrugged. “Blimey. That was a good one!”

She threw her head back with a squeak of indignation.

“What? Am I bothering you?”

“Are you trying to? Because honestly, I don’t know how you would go about doing things any bloody differently if you were!”

“Just trying to get you to loosen up and have a bit of fun, that’s all.”

“I am having fun! Now leave me alone!” She sent a spray of water straight at his face.

It connected right with his eyes, but he shook it off with a chuckle. “Ooh! Water fights, is it?” His eyes sparkled with mischief at her as he reached his own hand over the edge of his raft and launched a handful in her direction, spraying her all over.

“You are officially the most irritating person in the world, you do know that!”

“You only really irritate the ones you love,” he said, twiddling his eyebrows at her.

Mercifully then, one of their guides grabbed the edge of her inner tube with one hand, and Jasper’s with the other, and towed them towards the yawning mouth of a cave up ahead.

“Oh hello, exploring to be done!” Jasper said, readying his camera.

“Oh…good idea actually,” Iris said, and began prepping her own for the darkened conditions inside the cave.

“Welcome visitors to Barton Cave!” said their tour guide demonstratively. “The ancient Mayans, who inhabit this region thousands of years ago used to use these caverns for their rituals. I must ask you to stay very close together. The roof is very low in some places, and these caves are home to bats and other creatures. It is perfectly safe so long as you stay together with the group.”

“Close together, eh? Music to my ears,” Jasper said, very close to her. “Don’t worry, Simpkey. I’ve got you. Feel free to hold my hand if you’re afraid of the dark.”

“More likely of bats,” she said with a laugh, forgetting for the moment to be cross with Jasper in the newness of the experience. They entered the cave and immediately everything went dark and cool. The soothing, heavily-accented voice of the tour guide up ahead reassured her and kept her grounded in reality, even as she drifted into a foreign world. They did have head torches that came as part of the tour, and she snapped hers on the moment the cave had swallowed up the sunlight. Wherever she looked, the impressive stalactites and stalagmites shimmered and glittered in the light of the torches.

“They’re coated with quartz, look,” Jasper said.

“Makes it look as though it's been dipped in sugar,” she observed.

“You’re right actually, it does. Except it sparkles a bit more than sugar.”

The river beneath them was fairly shallow, and had a strong current that carried them naturally through the caves. Their guide pointed out items of interest, from the natural formations to the cave’s resident bats, to artifacts.

“Amazing how they’ve just left it all lying round,” Jasper observed as they drifted past a small pile of broken crockery that according to their guide, was left by the Mayans. “Like a bit of rubbish they couldn’t be bothered to clear up.”

“I imagine to them, it was rubbish. To us though, it’s an artifact. It's nice, actually, that they've left it here_ in situ_. Rather than removed it.”

“Imagine someone, thousands of years from now, pouring through our old tat as if it was the most fascinating thing on earth,” Jasper chuckled. “Obtaining funding to go dig up the foundations of your cottage, finding your old tea kettle handle, writing their doctor’s dissertation on it.”

“Putting it in a museum. Alongside my makeup compact.”

“And broken bits of my favorite Led Zeppelin album.”

“Your old Who concert T-shirt!”

“God yes! Build a shrine around that thing,” he chuckled. "That was from their farewell tour!"

"Which one?" She quipped, earning herself a dry look. “Well. You know what they say. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. I suppose if you bury anything in the ground long enough it eventually becomes interesting to someone. Assuming it doesn’t rot away. Including your old t-shirt.”

“Funny, isn’t it, to think about how most of the stuff we crowd our lives with will outlive us. Someday go on to tell a story. Wonder who the last Mayan was who touched that pot?”

“Yes. And it’s that connection with the past…with the people so long gone that we can’t reach them, that fascinates us all so much that we spend time and money and careers digging up old bits of broken pots in the earth.”

"Very good, Simpkey. You are remembering this, aren't you? Be bloody good in the column."

"Yes actually. I expect it will."

She was so lost in thought that she didn’t pull away when Jasper reached across his tube and laced the tips of his fingers with hers. And when she did come to herself and realize it, she found she quite liked the connection too much to break it. She understood it—understood the need for it. Here, in this place…drifting through an alien landscape in another world, it felt nice to be linked to someone who could remind her of her own time, of who she was. To have someone to share such an amazing experience with, and to know that for this moment anyway, she was not alone.

She flexed her fingers, and gave his a little squeeze.

* * *

They drifted lazily through the caves for sometime, lost in another world and another time entirely separate from their own. It was a lonely place, this. Filled with shadows and memories. No telling what all these walls had seen. What the Mayans had got up to in here. Unconsciously he had reached for Iris, craving human connection. Attachment. Needing to touch her and be touched. Needing to feel alive, and not alone. When her fingers squeezed his, he sighed with contentment. It was so right, this. So right that he should be here, should be sharing this incredible place with her. He could not imagine anything in Belize would be as beautiful or amazing if he were here on his own. Or with Sarah or anyone else. It was the woman who's fingers laced idly with his who made this moment, this place, special. Who made everything come alive. 

No. Things were far from over between them. They might be going through a rough patch together, but that was all it was. A rough patch. It was moments like this that taught him to hope that they would come through it after all.

Together. 

He took a deep breath. They had to. He simply could not imagine her fingers not entwined with his. Could not imagine drifting through life with anyone else. She doubted him, and he understood that. But he would make her see, in due time. As long as she loved him still, he could make her see that now he was serious. Now he was sure. Now he was ready for her. And he would never let anything harm her again. Most especially himself.

Presently, they emerged from the cave into the blinding sunlight. It was brutal, after the cosseting darkness of the cave, but eventually they adjusted and drifted lazily on for a little while longer, enjoying the open water now. The sunshine. The rustling of palm fronds overhead as the warm breeze caressed them. It was good to be back in the land of the living again. 

God, he could get used to this.

Then far too soon it seemed, they were being tugged to the shore, taking up their tubes and depositing them in the pile, returning to life in their own world, their own century.

“This was bloody brilliant,” he said as they crunched their way up the path.

“Well. Half of it was.”

“I’m so proud of you, you know. You faced your fears today. Took charge of them.”

“I’m still not speaking to you, remember?”

He smiled. He was not going to mention that they’d talked non-stop through the cave. And he was definitely not about to bring up the fact that until they’d begun to wade out of the water, she’d still been holding his hand.

“What?” Her eyes narrowed on him suspiciously.

“Nothing.”

“Except for official business of course. Just don’t expect any more from me than that. And that’s all this was, Jasper Bloom. Official business.”

“Of course.”

She looked at him askance but didn’t say anything further as they made their way up the gravel path with the rest of their group. It was late afternoon, and though they’d had lunch before they started, Jasper was hungry again by the time they made it back to the resort.

“You are always hungry,” Iris observed as they climbed the steps to their cabana. “There’s still some fruit in the basket. That should tide you over until dinner. And remember—no getting pissed tonight. We have to work.”

"Scout's honor," he'd said to her with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurs to me after the writing of this that my main muse may have snuck himself into this just a bit. But when I think about it, I can see a bit of Petruchio (from Taming of the Shrew) about Jasper. So I'll let him have his way this time.
> 
> Sorry it's taken such a long time to update. We could all do with a lovely romp through paradise about now, couldn't we? I hope that you enjoyed Jasper and Iris's little adventure today. Stay tuned for more.


	16. No More Lonely Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Iris face their editor, their columns and each other again, after a long and somewhat eventful day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I can wait another day until I call you  
You've only got my heart on a string and everything a-flutter  
But another lonely night might take forever  
We've only got each other to blame  
It's all the same to me love  
'Cause I know what I feel to be right...
> 
> May I never miss the thrill of being near you  
And if takes a couple of years  
To turn your tears to laughter  
I will do what I feel to be right
> 
> No more lonely nights (Never be another)  
No more lonely nights  
You're my guiding light  
Day or night I'm always there  
And I won't go away until you tell me so  
No, I'll never go away...
> 
> No more lonely nights..."  
(Paul McCartney, 1984)

Chapter 16—No More Lonely Nights

“There they are! There are my two travel experts!”

Iris smiled into the camera on her laptop, trying to ignore how close Jasper hovered behind her, his hand planted on the opposite corner of her chair so that his arm was around her.

“Hello Norm,” she said. “What time is it there?”

“One o’clock in the morning!” He said with a sigh. “Who the bloody hell set your check in time, anyway?”

“You did,” she said with a smile.

“Don’t remind me,” he said with a yawn. “So…I take it you two are getting on like a house on fire.” He chuckled. “After all that protest, too.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Iris said, feeling her face grow immediately red.

“I _do_ know what I mean.” Norm said with a chuckle.

“Norm…” Jasper began, “If you’re intimating what I think you are…”

“I am, and don’t bother to deny it. It’s all over the office. When I told you to get on with each other, you know I didn’t mean you had to get_ it_ on with each other.” Norm threw back his head and laughed out loud. "That sure didn't take long, did it? Cor, blimey! I knew you two had a thing for each other, but I had no idea that it was that urgent! Did you at least wait until you got checked in first, or am I going to be seeing Belizean headlines about my two reporters dogging on the front lawn of the resort the moment they arrived?"

“Oh my God.” Iris buried her face in her arm.

“Look Norm…whatever Sarah said, okay, it’s…probably an exaggeration. Sour grapes. She wasn’t best pleased when I called it off today. I reckon she's spreading rumors around just to get even."

“You can say that again, and believe me, she is. So...did you two manage to make it out of the cabana today to do any work or are you about to give me a very thorough review on the uh…amenities of your shared accommodations?”

Iris couldn’t bear to even raise her head. She had never felt more humiliated in all her life. Jasper put a hand on her back in reassurance.

“Norm! What do you take us for? We have been on a grand explore today, thank you very much!” Jasper said, sounding affronted. “I know Sarah would have you believe that we’ve been shagging continuously since the moment we left Heathrow, but I assure you, both Simpkey and I are seasoned professionals. We know how to get the job done and we won't let you down."

Iris wanted to fall through the floor. If Norm had come upon them at the pool and witnessed them, she doubted she could have been more mortified. 

"Oh, I know you have the ability to get the job done. I'm just not entirely sure which job we're discussing." He chuckled again. "I thought there was at least a grain of truth to what Sarah was saying! And Simpkins still hasn't looked at me. I'll be damned. Well, what you get up to when you’re not on the clock is none of any of our business. Just don’t lose sight of the job I gave you to do, is all.”

“Have either of us ever let you down?” Jasper said.

"No. And I don't want you to start now. Simpkins. Look at me.” Norm said.

She took a deep breath, and raised her head to face her boss, her face burning.

Norm was shaking his head, still chuckling a little. “I see now why you protested so much when you landed together in the same place. Listen, I don’t judge you, Sweetheart. There’s no need to feel embarrassed. For what it’s worth, everyone around here is secretly delighted that Jasper has finally pulled his head out. And after the display Sarah put on here today, I doubt she'll still be here by the time you both get back. So you’ve both saved us--and yourselves--a lot of headache, yeah?”

She heard Jasper huff in affronted protest behind her, and she couldn’t prevent the small smile from trailing across her face.

“No hard feelings, eh, Jasper?” Norm said.

“No. You’re right. It’s fine. I'm...glad I've pulled my head out, too."

“Ah well, and about damned time too. I’ll never understand what you see in him, Simpkins. He’s a good writer, I'll give you that. But as for the rest of it...all I can say is he's a damned lucky bastard that you see anything at all. Between you and me, you’re worth an army of Sarahs. I say this with heartfelt sincerity--he doesn't deserve you. I hope he realizes that.”

“Norm, we’re not…actually…that is--”

“--I do recognize that. Thank you very much,” Jasper said in a half-offended tone.

“See to it you treat her right this time, or you’ll have me to answer to as well. Do her wrong, and so help me, I’ll personally rip your bollocks off and shove them down your sodding throat on her behalf. Simpkins is like a daughter to me, and I’ll thank you to treat her right. Do I make myself clear, Jasper Bloom?”

“Perfectly.”

“Look! The both of you, would you just…please stop this! We’re not together,” she divided her glare between the man on her screen, and the man now removing his hand from her chair and backing away, hands up in surrender. “Kindly stop speaking over me as though I’m not in the room, pretending that we are! Can we just…leave off this and get down to business, please?”

Norm looked back and forth between them and smiled.

“Of course,” he said, still smiling. “My apologies, Simpkins. You're quite right. So tell me then. What_ else_ did you two do today?"

* * *

“That went very well, all things considered.”

“Do not speak to me,” Iris said, opening her document file. “I have work to do. And so do you. Kindly do it and shut your gob.”

“My _gob_?” Jasper sputtered with laughter. “You must be really cross with me. You never use words like ‘gob’. You’ve never in your life used that word before, have you?”

“You would be very surprised what you drive me to, Jasper Bloom. Shut up before I throw you out of here on your arse.”

He did, still chuckling to himself. He set up his own laptop opposite hers on the little table, smiling at her surreptitiously over the top. The little frown of concentration was on her face as she stared at the screen, eyes tracking the words she was writing, fingers clicking against her keyboard with the speed of light.

God, she was beautiful.

Sexy.

Brilliant.

Everything about her turned him on. 

He tore his eyes away from her and frowned at his own screen. She was right, of course. They did have work to do. Norm wanted them to post every day while they were here. Both of them independently were to write their own blog. A his and hers effect. And then after their adventure was over they would come together and do a vlog feature where they talked to the camera, relived their highlights and showed video clips and pictures that they’d taken along the way. It was a good formula, and likely to have a large following. So he took a sip of his coffee and set to work.

He was halfway through his column before he felt a touch under the table. He looked up in surprise to see Iris, flustered, looking away as her foot rapidly pulled away from his.

“Sorry. I…it was an accident.”

He smiled.

“Don’t be sorry. I like playing footsies with you,” he reached out his own foot and rubbed it against hers.

She jerked away.

“I said it was an accident. Not an invitation to play footsies.”

“Sorry,” he said with a sigh. “How close are you to being finished?”

“Nearly.”

“Why don’t we give each other a read when we do? Collaborate?”

“I was hoping we would, actually,” she looked up at him and favored him with a smile. “I value your input.”

“As I do yours.” He smiled back at her. God, how she lit up his world when she smiled at him. He sighed, and forced his eyes and his mind back into finishing his column. It wasn't easy when his entire focus was on the woman seated across from him. "Right then. Race you to the finish?"

"You're on."

She beat him, of course. Got up and left the table. “Are you going to want the rest of this coffee?” She asked from the kitchenette area. “I thought I might make us a new pot.”

“Sounds great,” he said, without looking up, holding on to his thought. Though he hadn't won the sprint to the end, at least finally he’d got the bit between his teeth and it was time to run with it. He zoned in, surrendering to the trance, forgetting even Iris in the process. Barely noticing when she gently took his coffee cup, poured its cooling contents into the sink, and filled it up with a fresh, steaming brew. She replaced it quietly on the table next to him then went back around to her computer as finally he came to the end.

“Aaah! Done!” He reached for his cup and took a sip. Not only had she made him a fresh coffee, she’d added cream and sugar, just like he liked it. “Ta, by the way.” He said, settling back and enjoying the dual pleasure of a fresh coffee and being finished with the first entry in his new travel column.

“You’re welcome,” she said, sipping at her own mug. “So. Are you ready to exchange?”

“Yes. There’s a couple of dodgy bits I want your help on,” he said, flipping his screen around to her, talking her through the parts he felt were particularly wonky.

“Right. I’ll see to it,” she said, absorbing this. “Well. Here’s mine. Probably not as erudite and genius as yours,” she said with a shy smile.

“Nonsense! Yours will outshine mine in half a heartbeat,” he said with sincerity.

“No. My writing leaves a lot to be desired when compared to yours,” she countered. “Your style is just so…charismatic. So…exciting. You always make it look so easy when it’s jolly difficult for the rest of us to be that engaging.”

“No it isn’t,” he huffed a chuckle. “It’s juvenile. Just like me. But yours is…elegant, Simpkey. Genuinely. And you do make it look effortless.”

“I can assure you, it is not.”

“It seems so from where I am sitting. I could literally sit here and watch you write all day, and still be awed by the magic that flows from your fingertips onto the screen.” He propped his elbow on the table, resting his cheek against his hand.

“Well. Thanks,” she said, smiling. “But you probably will have to revise that opinion when you see this draft.”

They exchanged computers. Jasper read her column with a smile. There it all was. Their adventures. Her self-effacing terror on the zipline was a perfect foil to his more enthusiastic account, and she had remembered to add in her ruminations in the cave. There was a particularly beautiful bit about the present reaching out to the past, yearning for understanding and a connection back to our own basic selves--to what it meant to be human and alive. It was exactly as he expected. Nearly perfect in every way.

“God, how do you do it?” He said out loud, shaking his head.

“What?”

“Write so flawlessly. So quickly too.”

“It is not flawless.”

“It is. Well, apart from the comma you missed here,” he pointed to the screen. “Shall I add it for you?”

“Yes, please. Thanks.”

“Feel free to do the same,” he said to her. “Or give it back to me and tell me its shite and I need to address all my own flaws.”

“There are not that many flaws,” she said with a smile. “God I love the way you turn a phrase. You make even ziplining sound poetic.”

“It was poetic! It was brilliant!”

“Terrifying more like.”

“I like this idea,” he said. “This his and hers perspective. There’s something for everyone here. I like how real you are about it, how you're not afraid to admit you were afraid. And I’m glad you felt that you learned something from the ziplining experience, Simpkey.”

She gave him a dry look. “Oh stop, please. I haven't forgotten, you know. And I do blame you absolutely for that whole debacle." 

"Fair enough. I can bear the blame."

"Here. Jasper…” she turned his computer around. “I think you probably should consider reordering this sentence. The way it’s written sounds confusing, and I think what you mean to do is remark upon the majesty of the cave, not the tour guide.”

“Oh. God, yes, thanks.” He leaned across to her with his hands on the keyboard, cutting and pasting while enjoying hovering over her lap. “There. How’s that?”

She nodded as her lips formed the words. “Yes. That’s much better.”

They continued on, editing and sharing ideas for a good half hour before turning their attention to their photographs, discussing which ones to include. They made their selections, did a final edit together and both hit send within the hour. Then sat back together with a shared sigh.

“Suddenly, I am exhausted.” Iris said.

He peered at her suddenly. Was it just the dim lighting in here, or...“Simpkey? Did you remember to put your suncream on again this afternoon?”

She groaned. “Oh God. Don't tell me.”

He sighed. "You didn't, did you? Is this an appropriate moment to tell you I told you so?” he said, lightly touching her forehead, her cheek. “Looks painful.”

“I know. I can feel it. Does it look bad?”

“Not really,” he said softly. “Just looks like you’re blushing. I have some after burn aloe gel. D’you want me to fetch it?”

“Yes, please. Thank you.”

He went into his room and retrieved his suitcase. In the bottom corner he found the bottle of green gel he’d brought just for Iris. He brought it out again and found her in the bathroom where the light was brighter, looking in the mirror.

“Oh God,” she said with a sigh. “It does really burn and everything now.”

He stood in the doorway, not wanting to walk in while she was there. “Here,” he said, holding it out to her. “Do you want me to help apply it?”

“I might need you to. On my shoulders. They burn like hell. I'm afraid to look."

“Can I come in?”

“No. I’ll come out there. Maybe we should take this to the sofa.”

He followed her out of the bathroom and into the sitting area, where Iris sat gingerly on the sofa and he perched on the edge of the coffee table, facing her, his knees between hers. Damn. She was getting redder by the moment. It hurt his own skin to look at her.

“I can do your face for you too, if you like.”

“All right,” she said with a sigh. “I’m too tired to fight with you tonight, Jasper. Please just…can we keep this friendly and not…”

He flashed her a smile. “I’ll try.”

“I hurt too much in any case,” She said leaning forward, tilting her face up and closing her eyes as he squeezed the cold green gel onto his fingertips. Light as he could, he painted her beautiful face with a generous layer.

“Keep your eyes closed,” he cautioned as he worked, careful to avoid her eye area, going back and forth for more gel until every other part of her forehead, nose, and cheekbones was shiny with aloe.

“There,” he said. “How are your ears holding up?”

She lifted her beautiful hair and he inspected each one. They were red too. So he dabbed a bit of the cooling gel on each one as gently as he could.

“Better?”

“Yes. Though I must look like an alien.”

“No. Just a bit dewy-faced. The green doesn’t show, you know.”

“Thanks Jasper.” She smiled at him. "It does feel better."

“Did you want me to check your shoulders?”

“Yes I suppose so. It hurts even to move.”

He tried not to watch. Tried not to let his thoughts go there as she unbuttoned her blouse, wincing as she did so. But the glimpse he got of her cleavage, the lacy tip of her bra made him bite his lip.

“Stop staring, Jasper. It’s not as if you haven’t seen them already.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t like seeing them again.”

She didn’t answer him, but shrugged out of her shirt enough to bare one shoulder.

“Oh bloody hell,” he said, involuntarily sucking in a breath. “Iris!”

“Bollocks!” She said, glancing quickly and then turning away. “I thought as much.”

They were burned all right. He left his place on the coffee table and came to sit beside her, easing her blouse off her shoulders from behind as gently as possible. Her shoulders were bright red.

“Did you not put on any suncream after the pool this morning?”

“No. I was wearing clothes, for God’s sake. I thought that was enough!”

“Darling…you’re going to need to take this off too.” He said, finding the clasp of her bra. “I don’t think you’re going to want that pressure just now.”

“I know. It hurts like hell.”

“Do you want me to?”

“Go ahead.”

He unclasped her bra, holding it so it didn’t ping her, gently easing it off her shoulders, seeing to it the straps did not brush against her burned skin any more than necessary on the way down.

“Thanks.” She turned her back closer to him, and he set immediately to work, applying the green gel as gently as he could.

“You burned straight through your clothes today. The sun here is brutal.”

“Apparently,” she said, sucking in a breath. 

“So. Have we learned our lesson now? No more going outside without our suncream on, hm? Even if we’re dressed.”

“Yes, all right. Point taken. But after this morning I…didn’t want to ask again.”

"I never want you to feel you can't ask me anything. Especially for something like that."

"Can you blame me, all things considered?"

"I'd like to say I'm sorry for what happened in the pool today. But I'm not. I'm not sorry, Iris. I agree it was a bit too soon. But I'm not sorry we made love."

She was silent a long time. He worked on her skin lightly as he could, wincing himself whenever he made her wince by accident.

“There,” he said when he was finished. “Don't move. Just let that soak in for a bit. D’you want some ibuprofen?”

“No, thanks, I already took some.”

“How are your legs?”

“Burned too. I can feel it.”

“You want me to help with those too?”

“Might as well. I feel so stiff I doubt I could manage well enough on my own.”

He left the couch and went to help her off with her short trousers, easing them down her legs. God she was sexy. But he swallowed hard and steeled himself not to dwell on the fact. This was entirely different. He was here to care for her, not shag her. 

“God I don’t even know why I bother.”

“What?”

“Trying to maintain any distance from you. Or dignity. The moment I do, I get struck somehow and become utterly dependent on you. And here I am, having to strip myself bare as an egg before you.”

“I won’t deny the universe has been uncharacteristically kind to me of late,” he said with a smile, twiddling his eyebrows at her and making her laugh. “You know…I realize this may come as a shock, but I’m actually not trying to get into your knickers right now. I’m only trying to help you.”

“That can't be too hard. I’m sure nothing could be as unattractive as me right now.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” he said, smiling. “Not at all. More like I’m trying not to think about it, because I’m trying to be gentlemanly and gallant. It would be bad form of me to try and shag you when you hurt so badly.”

She sighed, and looked up at him and laughed. “Damn you, Jasper Bloom. I don’t know what to do with you!”

“I can think of a few things, if you want some suggestions. When you’re feeling better, that is.” He sat, holding the bottle of green gel in his hands. “Now. Give me those sexy legs of yours.”

* * *

Iris sat huddling behind her blouse, now a thin, filmy shield between her naked breasts and Jasper’s eyes. She shook her head. No matter what she ever did to try and erect a wall between herself and Jasper Bloom, it always managed to fail. Spectacularly. She felt so defeated. Like she was fighting an uphill battle with every moment that passed between them. Why didn’t she bow to the inevitable? Throw herself at Jasper and surrender to the misery that such an action was inevitably going to create later when he left her again? She had never believe in fate, but now she was starting to. Some insurmountable force in the universe kept hurling her, body and soul at this man. Why? Why was she so completely powerless to stop it? To have any kind of ability to enact her own will on her own life?

And after today, she had very little dignity left in the bargain.

Jasper, to his credit, was behaving with admirable gallantry. He did not meet her eyes as he slathered the cooling gel on her legs…all the way up to her crotch. First one leg, and then the other. As he finished her second leg, his hand grazed her between them, against the soft silk of her knickers, causing her to gasp.

“Sorry,” he whispered, swallowing hard. “Honestly, I didn’t do that on purpose.”

“It’s all right,” she said hurriedly.

He looked straight into her eyes then. “Better?”

“Better. Thanks.”

“You will need suncream in the morning. Or it will get bloody worse.”

“I know.”

“Promise me you’ll let me help you? With your shoulders, and bits you can’t reach?”

“I will. Thank you Jasper.”

“Always,” he said with an easy smile.

He could be so sweet at times. Why was he so sweet? Why did he have to be such an amazing kisser? So good a lover? Why did his hands feel so good on her body? Why, for all that was holy, could she not stop craving his touch? His one accidental touch between her legs she could still feel, to say nothing of his gentle fingers, all over her. She had always loved his hands. Long-fingered and elegant, masculine and strong. She loved watching them when he talked. And especially loved the touch of them on her body. Now those hands had spent the last several minutes lightly dabbing cooling gel on her sunburn. Patiently. Sweetly. Caring for her. And it felt bloody good. And so right.

She came to herself, realizing she was gazing straight into his eyes. And she doubted his thoughts were very far away from her own.

“Uh…well. I guess I should probably call it a night.”

“Right.” He said, coming to himself too. He handed her the gel. “Let me leave this with you. In case you…need more. But if you want my help just please come and get me. Doesn’t matter what time.”

“Thank you, Jasper. You’re an excellent nurse.”

“So are you.”

“How are the ribs tonight?”

“Better, thanks.”

“Good.”

“Right. Well. Suppose I should turn in then.”

“Yes. We both should. It’s been quite a day.”

“Yes. It has.”

Neither of them made a move to leave. She found herself gazing at his mouth. When she caught herself, her gaze flew to his. He smiled at her. Oh yes, she had telegraphed that one, all right. 

_Bollocks._

"Is there anything else I can do for you...Simpkey?" He said, taking a step closer. 

_Yes. Oh yes. Take me in your arms. Make me forget my sunburn. Make me forget everything else but how utterly perfect everything feels when you hold me. Come to bed with me...say you'll never leave...say it again and again until you make me believe it..._

"No I don't think so," she managed. "I'm going to just go...let this soak in as you say, and then I'm for bed, I think. Well. Goodnight Jasper."

"Goodnight. Iris."

There was so much more in his eyes as she turned and walked away. 

* * *

Jasper sat in the dark on the edge of his bed, gazing out of his large picture windows at the tongues of fire in the tiki-torches lining the pathways below their cabana, at the glossy, green of the forest painted now in tones of deep blue, purple and black. The sky above was brilliant—positively exploding--with stars.

He left his bed and stood against the window a long time, peering up into the Milky Way. God, how had he never noticed before the beauty of what was above him? He was by and large a city dweller, that’s how. And in the city the night sky was most often glowing in a soft magenta of light pollution, blocking out the view of the true night sky one only glimpsed when one was quite away from it all—in the wilder places, the less populated areas of the world. These precious pockets existed though, and it was a delight to find oneself in them, even if only from time to time, to enjoy the true natural beauty that still existed in the world.

It brought his tortured heart peace. Even if for a short time.

What a day it had been. This day had upended his world—turned it inside out and back again.

He’d made love to Simpkey today in a way he’d never done before. Not with any woman. He’d touched her and loved her with more than just his body, and known in the loving that she was everything to him. And God, how his arms ached to hold her now. How his heart ached just to be beside her. To stroke her hair and watch her sleep, and know that she was his.

She had deep feelings for him still. He knew she did, even before. But now--he knew it beyond the shadow of a doubt. That at least was a start. As long as she still had those feelings, he had something to work with. A reason for hope.

Jasper turned to his bed with a sigh. He didn’t fancy sleeping alone in it another night, but it seemed that he had no choice. He shed his day clothes down to his pants, and climbed into the cold sheets.

The cold, lonely, without-Iris-in-them sheets. He squeezed his eyes shut. Patience. He must have patience. He would win her back in the end. He must do. There was simply no other possible alternative. 

Yes, someday soon, these lonely nights will be all but a memory. 


	17. Seven Wonders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day two, and Iris and Jasper make a tour of some of the Mayan ruins of Belize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “So long ago  
Certain place  
Certain time  
You touched my hand  
All the way  
All the way down to Emmaline
> 
> But if our paths never cross  
Well you know I'm sorry but
> 
> If I live to see the seven wonders  
I'll make a path to the rainbow's end  
I'll never live to match the beauty again
> 
> The rainbow's end
> 
> So it's hard to find  
Someone with that kind of intensity  
You touched my hand, I played it cool  
And you reached out your hand to me…
> 
> If I hope and if I pray  
Ooh it might work out someday
> 
> If I live to see the seven wonders  
I'll make a path to the rainbow's end  
I'll never live to match the beauty again
> 
> The rainbow's end…”
> 
> (Fleetwood Mac, 1987)

Chapter 17—Seven Wonders

The following morning, Iris woke to find her sunburn had been much improved. Largely due to the aloe gel, probably, it didn’t take and become the same debilitating burn she’d experienced in the Rivera. She looked a bit darker, her skin felt dry and sensitive, but not so bad she could not carry on. Mercifully.

“Thank you,” she told Jasper with sincerity when she saw him. “You were right. About the suncream. About the aloe…I don’t know what I should have done without you. Probably would have landed myself in hospital by now with second degree burns or something.”

Jasper smiled widely, something like delighted surprise in his eyes. “Of course,” he’d said, chucking her very lightly in the arm. “You know I’ve got your back. Just like you have mine.”

“Right,” she’d said, feeling herself smile as well. “So…I’m taking your advice, and I’m dousing myself with this hateful, sticky goo before I so much as set foot outside this cabana today.”

“That’s my girl,” he said. “Need help?”

“Yes. I suppose I will.”

If there was any kind of compensation in the world for having to wear suncream, it was having Jasper’s hands all over her, putting it on. But this time he was not being flirty about it. He was just being helpful. Kind. And she appreciated his help even more because of it. So much had happened between them in the last twenty-four hours that Iris really needed that from him right now. Understanding. Space. Friendliness.

Things were nice this way, she admitted to herself. She had accepted with as good a grace as she could that the intimacy between them could not lightly be set aside. They had shagged. There was no getting around it, so she’d just about come to terms with it. But she was not yet ready to move on in any direction with him. This was what she wanted. Companionship without pressure. Without him being a pillock about everything and constantly flirting. Sometimes it was just nice to be friends. To lay down all pretenses and all walls, and just be who they were with each other. This was what intimacy must be about, she mused. No angst. No pressure. No constant mind games. Just to let down your hair, to be honest and free with someone who loves you unconditionally. Someone you know will never do you wrong.

It was all she had ever wanted with him.

And there it was. That little stab of pain. That adder’s bite in the midst of her paradise. God, could she not allow herself to forget it, even for five minutes together?

“There you go,” he said, snapping the top back on and setting the suncream on her dresser. “You should be good to go for about six hours. So best bring it along in case we’re gone longer."

“Thank you.”

His smile wobbled as he saw her eyes, and she saw the precise moment he divined what she was thinking. He swallowed hard but said nothing. And they stood for an awkward moment, locked in a moment neither could either break or dispel.

“Well, I suppose I should go…wash my hands. It’ll be getting on time to be there soon.”

“Right.” She said. “Thank you again, Jasper.”

He nodded as he walked away.

* * *

The day began early. They had a full day’s excursion planned to the Mayan ruins at Xunantunich, followed by an additional stop at Cahal Pech and a visit to Ajaw Chocolate in San Ignacio.

The morning was lovely, and they set out straight away, early, and were immediately engulfed into a group of people also on the tour. Iris was secretly glad for their presence. It kept her focused on the day ahead, rather than the man sitting beside her.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Jasper bumped her shoulder with his, the jade green of his eyes distressingly close to hers.

“Oh,” she smiled at him. “Nothing. Just…taking it all in. It’s a beautiful country, isn’t it? There’s so much to see. Even just out the window.”

“Look, there’s a tapir!” He said, pointing past her nose.

“A what?”

“A tapir! A sort of…ant-eatery thing. It’s the national animal of Belize!”

“Oh! Yes, I see it!” A large brown animal with a long pointed snout was grazing along the jungle floor not far from the road.

“Wish we could have got a picture of it.”

“Yes. Well I suspect if its the national animal we’ll have another go sometime soon.”

“Yeah.” He smiled at her, and again she thought how very close he was. His lips were distressingly close to her own. His delicious, amazingly talented lips…oh, God, had she just licked hers?

He saw it. Of course he did. He missed nothing where she was concerned. His eyes lowered to her mouth and then back to her eyes again and he gave her a slow, sexy, knowing smile. He twiddled his eyebrows at her.

“Simpkey,” he said simply, batting his eyelashes, his thoughts all too plain on his face. “Give us a kiss.”

“Jasper…”

“No one will notice. No one here will see. Or care,” his arm came around the back of her seat as he moved closer. “What would be the harm in it after all?”

“That’s not the point, is it?”

“Please,” his hazel eyes were glowing golden in the morning sun as he lay his head to one side and batted his beautiful lashes at her. “Just a wafer-thin kiss? Just a quick peck to tide me over?”

“You are incorrigible, you know that?” She sighed. Why did he have to be so damned cute? And why did his eyes have to capture her so?

“It can be a friendly kiss. Friends kiss each other,” he said, eyes heavy-lidded as they flicked between her mouth and her eyes.

“Do they?”

“All the time,” he said, licking his lower lip.

“Really,” she said dryly, arching her eyebrow at him, trying desperately to pretend she wasn't drowning in his eyes. “And so what friends will you be winnowing kisses out of if we were to date again, hm?”

“No one. Because you are the only one I want to winnow kisses out of," he said, twiddling his eyebrows at her again. 

“Right now. Only because I won’t give you any.”

“Forever,” he whispered in her ear, leaning in until he was a hair's breath away, eying her mouth before raising his eyes to her seductively.

“Jasper, turn it off!” she said laughing, giving him a shove as she shook her head and turned to look out her window again, taking a deep, fortifying breath. Why did he have to be so gorgeous and so adorably cute at the same time? And God how she wanted to give in!

“Turn what off?”

“You know what.”

“Do I?” he said, his soft, warm breath blooming against her ear.

“Yes. You do,” she turned to him, exasperated. “This seductive thing you do to me. All the time. You…gaze at me with your big green eyes and bat your gorgeous lashes and I turn to putty. Stop smoldering at me, for God’s sake. We’re in public. Give me a chance to breathe.”

He pulled a face and huffed out a laugh, actually turning pink around the ears. “I don’t smolder at you!”

“You do and it’s very…unsettling.”

“How do you mean…unsettling?” His little finger walked across his lap to where her hand lay on her own thigh, tickling her hand. “Is it a good unsettling or a bad unsettling?”

“Define the difference,” she said with a sigh.

“Well, a good unsettling would be if I…you know…turned you on a bit. A bad unsettling would mean I was just coming off as…weird. Or stalkerish.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. He favored her with his best innocent look, his golden green eyes blinking at her winningly.

“Nice job. But it won’t work.”

“What won’t?”

“You will not trap me into saying you turn me on.”

“Don’t I…even just a little bit?”

“NO!” she practically shouted at him. “Now stop it Jasper Bloom, just stop it! Stop flirting with me! Stop playing innocent and for the love of all that is holy, stop smoldering at me!”

The silence on the bus roared.

“Oh my God,” she said closing her eyes and turning back to the window. “God I hate you Jasper Bloom!”

“He can come smolder at me any time he likes,” she heard distinctly from a girl seated from somewhere behind them.

“Girl, yes!” Said her friend.

“Sounds like you have two ready-made conquests only a few rows back,” she said arching an eyebrow at him. “Off you go then. I’m sure you could be in their knickers before we get to where we’re going.”

As soon as it was out of her mouth, she wished she had not spoken. She turned to him to see his ears were still pink, and his eyes were on his folded hands, his face a mask that failed to conceal his pain.

“That was mean of me. I’m sorry Jasper.” She said softly.

He shook his head. “No it wasn’t. I had it coming, I expect.”

“No. You didn’t,” she said, and reached over to him, took his hand in hers.

He gave it to her, unresisting, gripping her hand hard, his eyes squeezed shut as he raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. He met her eyes briefly and flashed her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“No worries, Simpkey.”

He took her hand in both of his, holding it with one and stroking it softly with the other. They rode the rest of the way to the ruins in a thoughtful silence.

* * *

After about an hour, they arrived at their first stop—the Mayan ruins of Xunantunich.

“We don’t actually know the original name of this city,” their guide told them as they walked the short distance from the tour bus to the site. “It is called Xunantunich, which means ‘stone woman’, from the ghost that haunts this place.”

“What ghost?” Iris asked.

“There is a lady,” the tour guide said, “she wears all white, but her eyes burn red like fire. She walks into the main building—El Castillo—and disappears. This is why she’s called the stone woman, and this place is named for her.”

A shiver ran down Jasper’s spine. Ghost stories creeped him out. He much preferred to deal with the here and now.

“Does she haunt during the day?” He heard himself ask.

“No, usually only at night.”

“Who would be up here at night?” he huffed.

“You’d be surprised. Many people, they like to come here at night to try and see some ghost or something.”

“Have you seen her?” Iris asked, and he could hear the interest in her voice.

“Me? No. I have not. I don’t want to.” Their guide crossed himself hurriedly. “But I hear about it. Local people, they like to come here a lot. But not me. Anyway, so you can see here…these hills—do you see?” He pointed to two nearby hillocks, covered over in trees and grass. “These are also other buildings but the archaeologists, they leave them unexcavated. To better preserve them. The trees, the plants, they keep the site protect from weather and looters. Until they have the funding they need to excavate them.”

“Wow,” Iris said to him under her breath, pointing to the hillock the guide had just indicated. “I would have never known that was a building there.”

“And if you look over here…” the guide brought them to one of the hills, showed them a hole in the ground. “Recently the archaeologists discovered this. It was originally used for storage. In the bottom, they found jars, still filled with different kinds of grains, all kinds of beans and maize. Even some species we no longer have today.”

“Wow,” Jasper squatted near the hole to inspect it more closely. “How deep is it?”

“About four meters. You can climb in, but I don’t recommend it.”

“No absolutely not,” Iris put in.

Jasper turned and gave her a smile. She’d said it hurriedly, as if she was worried about him.

“In later times, the Mayans used this for burial. They found human remains in there as well.”

Jasper peered inside. It was a quite extraordinary little hidey hole. Almost like a hollowed out eggshell who’s surface had been broken.

“If you will come this way, there is very much more to see.” their guide said, continuing on.

“I sometimes envy archaeologists,” he said to Iris. He could feel her standing there next to him. “Ever feel…I dunno. Somehow in tune with a place, in a way you can’t quite describe?”

“A storage tank?”

“No,” he shook his head. “This whole place. It has an…atmosphere. Can you feel it?”

“Not really,” she said, looking around. “Is it friendly or foreboding?”

“I don’t know. Not yet.”

“Stay there. I’ll take your picture for the blog. No no, look back into the hole. Like you were a moment ago. Contemplating.”

He turned his attention back to the dark space, letting his mind wander back to the time it was in use.

“There. Perfect.”

He stood and they wandered down to catch the group. And again, Jasper was filled with the overwhelming desire to hold her hand. To walk hand in hand with her here seemed suddenly very important. He wanted to wander the paths of the world holding her hand. He swallowed hard and shoved his hands resolutely into his own pockets.

They came into what looked like a courtyard, situated in the center of a grouping of tall, tiered pyramids, some of which just looked like overgrown hillocks, and some of which were fully excavated.

“…El Castillo,” their guide was saying, gesturing to a simply huge building at the far end of the complex. “It is 120 meters tall, and is one of the tallest ruins in Belize. You can see the relief on this side. That is a reproduction in plaster, covering the real relief. They do this in order to preserve the other one and protect it from the elements. Even as it helps us to see it better, because the real one is very eroded. It is decorated with images associated with the Mayan beliefs…their gods, and the tree of life that supports the world—its roots in the underworld, its branches holding up the heavens, and our world in between…”

Jasper took a few pictures of it. Then surreptitiously turned his camera toward Iris, and snapped a picture of her as well, gazing around herself in rapt attention, looking too adorable for words.

They followed their guide through the complex, absorbing fascinating bits of history and local folklore, taking pictures of the different ruins and items of interest as they were pointed out. He even got a picture of a spider monkey on the edge of the trees, hanging from a branch and making a great racket.

“The wildlife here is just staggering,” he observed to Iris. “Did you ever think you’d see a monkey, just hanging around in its natural habitat, outside of a zoo?”

“Yes,” she said, arching an eyebrow at him.

“Simpkey! You’re not implying what I think you are, are you?” He huffed a laugh.

“You didn’t watch yourself the way I did yesterday, zip-lining through the trees. You were in your element.”

“Cheeky,” he said with a grin.

They followed their guide to El Castillo and began to ascend the steps, Jasper following along behind Iris. If he was going to have to climb the stairway to heaven, he might as well get to enjoy watching it on the way up. God, she was beautiful. And oh, how he loved to watch her gorgeous, perfect little arse as she walked. He loved the sway of her hips. The roll of her body. They way she…jiggled slightly. Just watching her walk was enough to turn him on, but climbing? Dear God. He let himself fall a few steps behind, just to bring her closer to eye level. He bit his lip. Just yesterday about this time, he had his hands on her there, whilst he…

“Stop watching my arse, Jasper Bloom,” she said over her shoulder without even turning around. “I know you are.”

“Who me? Never!” He said. “That would be utterly sexist of me and you know I don’t stoop to that sort of unprofessional behavior.”

“Really?” she said, stopping at a landing, turning her bum away from him as she leaned over and clasped her knees, catching her breath. “In that case, you go on. I’ll follow you.”

He sighed dramatically.

“But what if you stumble? Who will catch you and keep you from falling?”

“Not you in any case. With your eyes glued to my bum you’d never even notice I was falling until it hit you in the face.”

“I can think of worse things to have hit me in the face,” he said with a grin.

“You are watching me! I knew it! Jasper!”

“What?”

“Shame on you!” She laughed. “You are terrible!”

“Oh come on. It’s hardly my fault is it? You mesmerize me.” He blinked at her. “I can’t help it, can I, if you’re so beautiful?”

She sighed. “You know what the worst part is? I can’t even be mad at you!”

“Sorry,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and digging at the dirt with his toe contritely. “I suppose it was a bit…self-indulgent.”

“Right. And now it’s my turn. Up you go.”

* * *

“Don’t watch me,” he shot over his shoulder, twiddling his eyebrows at her.

“Stop it!” She said with a giggle, but truth be told, Jasper did have a cute arse himself. Rather perfect actually. But unlike him, she was perfectly capable of following it up the side of the El Castillo without heavy breathing, and eyes boring holes into the back of his body as he ascended.

Soon though, the exertion of the climb, the steep gradient and the sheer height of the building began to take her attention away from Jasper Bloom. Every so often they would stop and catch their breath, look around and take some pictures. But as they approached the top, Iris put away her camera in the interest of concentrating on her survival. Jasper then, took all the pictures from the higher levels. And she even agreed to let him walk behind her, just on the off-chance her vertigo caught her up and she stumbled, after all.

“Go on. Forward, Simpkey. Don’t look down. You’ve got this…”

“Why does everything have to be so bloody high up?” She asked as they finally summited. “It did not look this high when we started.”

She didn’t even object when he put his arms around her reassuringly. She clasped his arms to steady herself, astonished to find herself shaking.

“There now, you did good. Look at what you mastered today,” he said, close to her ear, smiling.

“Don’t…remind me. I can’t look down.”

“Yes you can,” he said, rubbing her back soothingly, whispering in her ear. “You got this, Simpkey.”

“Right, okay.” She said bravely, pushing away from him, taking a deep breath.

“Here at the top of El Castillo,” their guide continued, “Is 130 feet tall. You can see it is a lot higher than it looks from the ground. That is because of the tiers. It makes it look smaller than it is. But here, you have expanded view. Over here is San Ignacio," he said, pointing to the left, "In the distance, you can see Belizean mountains. Over there,” he pointed straight off in the distance, along the horizon. “And over here, is Guatemala," he said, pointing to the right. "This was one of the highest Maya ruins in all Belize. If you want, you can take photographs…”

They did. She took photos of Jasper. He took photos of her. They took panoramas, regular photos of the scenery. Specific, targeted shots of different buildings and mounds below them. Even a few video clips of each other relaying with the tour guide just said.

“Would you like?” Their guide held out his hand for Jasper’s camera, gestured them together.

“Sure! Thanks, Mate!” Jasper handed his camera over, showing their guide how to aim, focus and take the picture.

Iris bit her lip and wrapped her arm around Jasper’s waist, planting her hand firmly on his shoulder as he clasped her own shoulder and pulled her close.

She refused to think about how natural this felt. How lovely and how right it was to feel his arms around her, his hand on her shoulder, his body beneath her own hand. How perfect it was to feel him, so warm and close, his cheek almost touching her face.

They took two pictures. One where they posed together and just smiled. And one with both of their unoccupied arms stretching out as if to encompass the whole epic vista, hands upturned to the sky, mouths opened as if in delighted shock.

When the posing was over, she wrapped her arms around herself, refusing to think again about how cold she suddenly was without Jasper so close. The trek back down El Castillo was in some ways more harrowing than going up. The going was steep, and without handrails. Jasper again walked in front of her, and his being there gave her more comfort than she wanted to think about.

“You okay?” he asked after their feet again touched the grass and they both stopped to catch their breath.

“I will be. Once I’ve stopped shaking.”

He smiled at her. “That’s twice in two days you’ve conquered your fear of heights. Maybe by the time we get back home you’ll be cured.”

“I rather doubt it,” she said with a smile. “Still. I didn’t want to kill you today as badly as I did yesterday. So that’s some progress I expect.”

“I think so,” he said with a chuckle. “We do make a good team, don’t we?”

“We do.” She nodded. “And this afternoon’s excursion is my payback.”

“What, the chocolate place?”

“Absolutely! And I’m so looking forward to it!” She said with a sigh.

He grinned. “I hear the Mayans used it as an aphrodisiac,” he whispered in her ear, twiddling his eyebrows at her.

“They didn’t!”

“I believe they did. Just wait and see. They’ll bear me out at this…chocolate place we’re going to.”

There was a small cafe there on sight serving lunch. After their group had tucked in for a wonderful nosh, and Iris had nipped in to the little gift shop to buy some t-shirts for her nieces, an interesting book or two for Graham and a souvenir coffee mug for herself, they were off again on the next leg of their journey.

Cahal Pech was just outside San Ignacio. And though the ruins were smaller than the impressive site at Xunantunich, they were no less fascinating. The place was very thoroughly excavated, and was laid out in a series of plazas, rather unhelpfully labeled a, b, c and so forth. The plazas were beautifully square with a recessed courtyard, surrounded on all sides by the elevated, tiered pyramid buildings, though none competed with the sky-high El Castillo they’d already climbed, all of them featured narrow, steep staircases that all Mayan city-states favored.

This site was so well excavated, one could go in to the buildings and all around them. The whole thing was a dizzying honeycomb labyrinth of arched doorways, narrow tunnels and endless amounts of stairs.

“Jasper, look!” She called out behind her through a doorway. “Isn’t this brilliant? It’s like a hive in here!”

“Yes,” he said rather unenthusiastically emerging from the doorway with a shiver. “It is.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I dunno really,” he said, looking around somewhat uncomfortably.

“You’re not claustrophobic, are you?”

“I don’t think so. But those tunnels aren’t half narrow, are they?”

“You did well enough in the caves.”

“Yeah-r I know. I can’t explain it. Just…something about this place…sends a shiver down my spine, is all. Perhaps its an…an atmosphere? I dunno. Truly.”

“Come on then. For the last two days, I’ve been accepting all your challenges and stepping outside my comfort zone. Perhaps its time for you to do the same.”

He took a deep breath and smiled at her. His eyes shone like jade in the sunlight as he blinked at her. “You’ll hold my hand?”

“Literally or metaphorically?”

“Both?” he said, with a lift of his shoulders.

“You are the most incorrigible man in the known universe, you do know that, don’t you?” It was so hard to be mad at him when he smiled at her so winningly. Still she managed to huff out her exasperation somewhat realistically. “Right. If I do that, I am so taking our picture that way, Jasper Bloom, and I am posting it on my blog. Here ye, here ye…Iris Simpkins tackled zip-lining single-handedly, whilst being utterly terrified for her life. Whilst Jasper requested—and I quote—’can you hold my hand, Iris, because these walls are a bit close…’”

“All right. I’ll brazen it out. It was worth a try though, wasn’t it?” He followed along behind her. “You know…when you needed a hug at the top of El Castillo I was there for you. If I…I dunno…need a hug…or a kiss…”

“Stop it. Stop it right there. A hug, yes. I will give you that. Fair is fair, after all. But absolutely, positively, no kissing.”

“Damn.” He gave an exaggerated sigh. “Perhaps that’s what it is you know. Maybe I’m going through withdraw.”

“From what?”

“Kissing you.”

“No. We are not. We are not kissing. And we are not having this conversation here, in public. Just--no, Jasper, okay?”

“Okay,” he said gamely enough.

“God, it isn’t half steep though is it? And why is it so narrow anyway?” She asked as they climbed another square-shaped curving stair.

“Defense. If an attacking army were to barge in here, they’d have to fight single-file. Makes the place much easier to defend.”

“Is that why it’s so confusing too?”

“Possibly. A native of this city would know his way around these tunnels. A stranger would not. Another advantage for the defenders.”

They came out on the top of the tallest building.

“It’s so lovely here though,” she said, taking a deep breath, enjoying the wide sweep of vista, dotted here and there with lovely palms in and among the remarkably well-preserved ruins. “Peaceful. And not too high.”

“Hardly peaceful, I should think,” Jasper said, approaching a long, wide stone table thoughtfully. “Probably this was the place they conducted human sacrifices. Wide open. Close to the heavens. And with a conveniently large platform. Could be an alter of some kind.”

“Hmm, good point. Oh! We should take some pictures.”

They both dug out their cameras and did so. Scenery. The table. Each other.

Iris videoed their decent through the winding stairs and close tunnels, turning it off when she met Jasper in an anti-room where he stood thoughtfully looking at a long, narrow stone bench.

“It’s a bed I should expect,” he said.

“Tell me it was padded with something,” she said flippantly. “God can you imagine sleeping on that?”

“Must have had…some straw at least. Some kind of bedroll.” He looked around.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah. I still…this is all bloody fascinating, but I can’t tell you how strong the urge is to leave this place,” he spoke quietly. “It’s the corridors maybe or…”

“What?”

“I don’t know. Can I take that hug now?”

“Sure,” she said, and drew him into her arms, surprised when he gripped her hard and held her for dear life, one hand in her hair, the other on her waist.

She lowered his head unresisting to her shoulder and lay her cheek against him, trying to resist the urge to play with his curls. She had thought all this was a ploy to touch her, but there was some real fear there. He needed to feel her in his arms, the way she had needed to feel him hold her on top of El Castillo.

They stood there silently for several moments, just breathing. Just touching and reassuring. And then finally he broke free, and placed a kiss on her forehead in dismissal.

“I know we said no kissing, but…”

“It’s okay. As long as we don’t—kiss, kiss—”

“Snog you mean?”

“Definitely no snogging.”

“Right. Well, shall we find our way out of this place? I want to be out in the open again.”

“Of course. Do you want me to lead or follow?”

“Lead,” he said, eyes dropping to her body and back up again.

“You are not going to be watching my arse all the way, are you?” She said with a sigh.

“I am. Please don’t hate me. It’ll do wonders to distract me.”

“You are such a pillock.”

“I am. I really am. Must be why you like me so much.”

“Are you saying I’m attracted to pillocks?”

“Must be, mustn’t you?”

* * *

Jasper did follow Iris’s beautifully swaying hips all the way out into the open, where finally they came out into the brilliant sunlight of the courtyard. Which courtyard exactly, he didn’t know, and he didn’t care. They were all interconnected. As long as he didn’t have to go back into that monstrosity of a building, all was well. Or at least he told himself that.

Iris was consulting the site map.

“This is Plaza E, and so the ball court is there…”

“Right. This is a good place to get some footage.”

They stopped and took more pictures, and Iris did a panorama video shot, while Jasper left her immediate side to photograph and video log the nearby ball court, careful not to speak so that they could use this bit to edit in to their final video log. Iris he knew would focus also on wildlife, so no worries there. He took a few surreptitious pictures of her too. As they walked around to the front again, he videoed her walking ahead of him, to give the viewers a feeling of being with them. Though he was careful to focus his camera—if not his entire attention—to her head and shoulders, mostly, occasionally cutting to a view of the path beneath their feet, or the ruins around them.

They took more footage elsewhere on the site as well, and by the time they were back on the tour bus heading for San Ignacio and the chocolate factory, he was looking forward to journey’s end. It was a hot afternoon as well.

“Jasper…” Iris protested when his arm went around her shoulders and he put his hand on her bare arm. Her shirt today was sleeveless. And while it was hot outside, he did worry. But her skin did not feel inordinately hot.

“Have you refreshed your suncream?”

“Jasper…”

“Just asking.”

“I’m fine,” she said, and flashed him a look of such sweetness he almost fell off his chair.

They sat there not moving for a moment, smiling at each other, while Jasper’s heart soared. He held his breath, afraid to break the spell of the moment.

“I just worry about you, that’s all.” He said finally.

“I know.” Her eyes shone as she gazed at him. “You know something? We do make a good team, don’t we?”

“We do,” he agreed.

She laid her head on his shoulder with a sigh, and Jasper closed his eyes and laid his cheek against her head, taking a deep, contented breath. After awhile he planted a soft kiss in her hair.


	18. What's Love Got to Do with It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Iris and Jasper make their way back to the resort, the hot tub beckons. Is Iris succumbing at last to Jasper's charm? 
> 
> *Strong Heat Warning. NSFW. Repeat. Definitely NSFW!*
> 
> Profanity warning too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You must understand  
Though the touch of your hand  
Makes my pulse react  
That it's only the thrill  
Of boy meeting girl  
Opposites attract
> 
> It's physical  
Only logical  
You must try to ignore  
That it means more than that
> 
> Oh what's love got to do, got to do with it  
What's love but a second hand emotion  
What's love got to do, got to do with it  
Who needs a heart  
When a heart can be broken
> 
> It may seem to you  
That I'm acting confused  
When you're close to me  
If I tend to look dazed  
I've read it someplace  
I've got cause to be
> 
> There's a name for it  
There's a phrase that fits  
But whatever the reason  
You do it for me…
> 
> I've been taking on a new direction  
But I have to say  
I've been thinking about my own protection  
It scares me to feel this way…
> 
> (Tina Turner, 1984.)

**Chapter 18—What’s Love Got to Do with It?**

The chocolatier’s was just what Iris had been waiting for.

Like…all her life.

It was a tremendously rewarding experience to see where the cacao trees were, how they were grown, how the nibs were removed, how they were roasted and then ground to a fine powder, and then into a rich, dark paste. From there it became a sort of hot chocolate, touched with cinnamon and honey, that the ancient Mayans used to drink.

And in the Ajaw Chocolate shop, that was all done by hand. By traditional Mayan methods.

It was amazing.

She’d even had a go at grinding the chocolate herself, with stones so traditional they had come from a Mayan settlement in Mexico. It was so satisfying a practice that she practically felt the stress just fall off of her shoulders as she rolled the great stone back and forth like a rolling pin, grinding up the nibs beneath. Best of all, she got to sample the chocolate at different stages.

Jasper had taken one look at the amount of chocolate she had bought in the shop as they left, raised one eyebrow, pressed his lips together and said nothing.

Very loudly.

“What?” she said, eyes narrowed as she shifted the commemorative tote bag over her shoulder more comfortably.

“Nothing,” he said, chuckling silently to himself, hands buried in his pockets.

“Tell me where at Tesco that you can get authentic, traditional Mayan chocolate?”

“You can’t.”

“Well then. Sod off, Jasper Bloom.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Good.”

“You do know chocolate’s an aphrodisiac don’t you?” He whispered as they took their seats again.

She favored him with her iciest stare. “I seem to recall you said the Mayans used it that way?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s not what they just said, was it? It was used for relief for childbirth pains instead.”

He shrugged. “So?”

“So you were wrong.”

“Not entirely. Everyone knows the effect chocolate has on a woman’s brain.” He said with a wry grin. “Thirsty, are we?”

“If I was, you’d be the last person to know.”

He laughed again.

It was getting on for four thirty in the afternoon when they arrived back at Blancaneaux Lodge.

“Oh my God…I hope I never see another stair again!” Iris said as finally they opened the door to the cabana and she and Jasper dropped all of her purchases from the day inside her bedroom. “I am one solid sore muscle!”

“They do have a spa here on site,” Jasper said, his hands on her shoulders, kneading gently.

_His magic hands._

Iris closed her eyes. Why oh why did his hands feel so bloody good on her?

“They can do you up a massage, probably.”

“But that would mean stairs going and coming again,” she said, eyes still closed. She should push him off, she knew she should. But oh dear God, did he feel good.

“Well then,” he said, his voice a soft rumble in her ears, “We do have a hot tub, on the back deck. Maybe now would be the time to test it out?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you and I do not do hot tubs, Jasper Bloom. We don’t submerse ourselves in any body of water together, ever again.”

“I’ll wear my swimming trunks this time. And you can wear a big t-shirt—a big, white t-shirt—over your bikini…”

“Right!” She said, laughing, moving away from him finally. “You think I don’t know what you’re about with that?”

He arched an eyebrow and shrugged. “Worth a try.”

“You are incorrigible, you do know that, don’t you? You are seriously the most outrageous flirt who has ever lived!”

“Too right. I say you should just give up now and fall into my arms. Quit fighting it,” he blinked, giving her the most innocent cherubic look. “Admit it, Simpkey. You know sometimes you quite like me. Outrageous flirt and all.”

She shook her head. “Stop it. Jasper, please. I beg of you, I’m so tired.”

“Okay. Tell you what. Why don’t you and I take it in shifts, okay? I’ll sit and work on my column. And you go have a nice, proper soak in the hot tub.” He bit his lip and looked away. “You do realize I’m making the ultimate sacrifice for you, don’t you?”

“I do. I know all about your water fetish, Jasper Bloom.”

“Its not a fetish. Not really. More of a…playful kink. But God, you are gorgeous when you’re all…slippery and wet. And you feel so good in my arms that way, with our bodies slipping and sliding together…” He bit his lip and gave her a smoldering look, making love to her with his eyes.

She closed her eyes to gather her strength. Truth be told, she would happily fall into his arms right now and beg him to do anything he liked with her. Forever. In and out of the water. She took a deep, fortifying breath and opened her eyes.

Nope. He was still maddeningly gorgeous. Still his beautiful green eyes lured her in, seducing, coaxing…

“You’ll leave me to it?”

“Entirely,” he said, blinking and looking away, breaking the spell between them. When he raised his eyes to hers again, they were full of longing.

She was very much afraid he could see the same longing in hers. Had it really only been yesterday when they had…and then he’d actually broken up with Sarah over it. Over her.

_How easy it would be. To just let go. To fall into this._ It was where she’d always wanted to be anyway. She’d never stopped loving him. Not one second of one day since the beginning, no matter what he had done, or how he hurt her. She’d always loved him. So bloody much it had almost been the death of her...

Damnable man.

She closed her eyes again.

_Gumption_, she told herself in a weak voice. _Remember Barbara Stanwyck. Remember Arthur…_

“Right,” she said, eyes still closed. “I think I might take you up on that, actually. You’ll stay in here and write?”

“I will. Then when you’re all relaxed and water logged, we’ll trade.” He swallowed hard, disappointment etched in his features.

“Okay,” she said softly, feeling the same pain as he did. “Deal then.”

“Deal,” he said quietly, his shoulders sagging.

“Thank you,” she said softly as he turned to go, and on impulse, leaned in and kissed his cheek.

“Anything for you, Simpkey.” He gave her the ghost of a smile, then walked to his room and closed the door softly behind him so she could change.

* * *

Jasper sat staring at his computer screen. Just…staring. But no words came.

His heart was behind him, where he promised he would not go. But every fiber of his being…every nerve ending…was tuned to every splash and every sigh he heard coming from the hot tub on the back porch.

He closed his eyes. Bit his lip. He promised. He bloody _promised!_ But oh, God, how he wanted her. How he wanted just to go…gaze at her. Even from a distance just…feast his eyes on her, if not his hands, his lips, and other parts of himself that were currently starving for Iris's undivided attention. It was so bad he was nursing a semi just thinking about it. Okay, maybe more than a semi. 

He could think of nothing—_nothing_\--but slipping into that bubbling, frothing whirlpool of hot, soothing water, sliding next to her…pulling her, slippery and soft into his arms…her breasts bobbing against his chest, his hands full of her beautiful arse, wrapping her gorgeous legs around his hips as she wound her hands in his hair, kissing him open mouthed, moaning, calling his name as he entered her….

“Jasper…”

He blinked, shook his head. Took his hand off his…err…shit, was he...! Thank God she wasn’t in here to see that!

Did she really say something?

“Jasper?”

“Simpkey? Did you call me?” He didn’t dare get up and take even one step towards her.

“Yes,” she said. “How’s the writing going?”

He threw up his head and squeezed shut his eyes.

“Not brilliantly,” he said with a sigh. “How’s the hot tub?”

“Sublime!”

He bit his lip and covered his face with his hands. May have whined just a little.

“Jasper, the sunset out here is brilliant. Why don’t you suit up and join me?”

“Really?” His voice actually squeaked in surprise.

“Really. You’ve got to be as tired and sore as I am. Come on. I’m sure we can be productive after we just relax a little.”

“Twist my arm,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ll be out there straight away.”

* * *

Iris bit her lip. Had she really just invited him? God, what was she doing?

  
She was very much afraid she knew exactly what she was doing. She downed the rest of the wine in her glass, her heart pounding. In some ways this was worse than before. Before it all just…happened. This felt premeditated. Deliberate. But she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Missing his presence.

Wanting his arms around her. Wanting the feel of his lips on hers…

She poured herself another glass of wine.

He was by her side in less than five minutes, and the decision was made.

“God the sunset _is_ beautiful,” he said, pausing for a moment.

It was. The sky was streaked with indigo, soft lilac pink and a brilliant, glowing amber gold. The purple clouds added the perfect touches, and over the vanishing edge of the hot tub was a simply sumptuous vista of tropical paradise.

He was wearing swimming trunks, thank God, and still looking more beautiful than any man had a right to look in such ridiculous clothing. But the moment his shirt came off she turned away. Shit. He was already aroused. God this was a colossal mistake. She took another gulp of her wine.

But her heart was pounding. And the three glasses of wine she’d already consumed, along with the bubbly hot water were humming through her system, relaxing her. She felt as if she were melting into pure hedonism the longer she sat here. And the more that notion took root, the more she wanted Jasper’s company.

Oh God why not admit it? She wanted more than his company. She wanted him, damn his eyes!

“Can I take your picture?” he asked softly from behind her. “For the column?”

“Yes, I suppose you must.” She said, raising her glass to the camera in toast.

“Good. Now just…gaze out over the vista. Hold your glass…and…perfect.”

She heard him put the camera down.

“What time is it?” She asked, more as a distraction than anything.

“Forty five after,” he said, sliding into the hot tub next to her with a deep sigh.

“What, six?”

“No. Five. Relax, Simpkey, we’ve got a bit of time before check in.”

“What are we going to do for dinner?”

“Beyond wine and chocolate, you mean?” He said, pouring himself a glass.

“Not like one needs anything else, but yes.”

“They do room service here. From the cafe. It costs a bit extra but…”

“Worth it. Let’s do it. How late do they serve?”

“Till nine I think.”

“Perfect. Cheers,” she said, and they clinked glasses before taking another drink. “We’ll check in with Norm and then we’ll order, and have a working dinner tonight finishing up the column for today.” She settled back in, setting her glass back on the ledge and sinking into the frothing, bubbling water up to her neck. “Oh God, this is glorious.”

“Yes. It is.” He sighed deeply, polishing off his glass of wine before setting it back on the ledge.

She felt his sigh all the way to her toes. Felt his proximity to her. He was not touching her, but he was so deliciously close.

“Jasper…thank you.”

“For what?”

“For giving me a moment. For being…willing to let me have a little time out here alone.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for inviting me to join you.” His smile was genuinely chuffed.

“Well. You couldn’t miss this sunset.” She said, feeling herself smiling too.

“Thank you for wanting to share it with me.”

She turned and looked at him finally. He hadn’t closed the distance between them, but she could feel his desire to. Without touching him anywhere, without even seeing his arousal, she knew what he wanted. But still he made no move in her direction. He smiled at her, himself neck deep in the water.

“You’re welcome.” She said softly. “So. How’d you get on with the column then? You’re probably miles ahead of me.”

“No,” he chuckled, turning his eyes to the sunset again. “To tell you the truth, I’ve not written a damn thing.”

“What? What have you been doing all this time?”

He gave her a slightly embarrassed look. “Thinking about you out here without me. Listening to every sound you made.” He sighed dramatically. “Staring at the blinking cursor of death.”

She laughed. She couldn’t stop herself.

He laughed with her.

“Well, if its any consolation to you, it was much appreciated.”

“Part of it was that I was…just…missing you.”

“Missing me? But we’ve been together all day. We’ve been joined at the hip now for several days on end. How on earth could you possibly be missing me?”

“That’s just it. I like you being there. I miss you when you’re gone. Truthfully after this, I don’t know how I’m going to manage to adjust to life without you in it. Iris.” He turned his eyes to her, and she could see he was serious, then he turned away again. “From the moment we met, life has been perfect. So long as you’ve been in it. Whenever you’re gone, I’ve got a great, whacking, Iris-shaped hole in my life that nothing and no one can fill. I miss you. I…can’t lie…I love being assigned to work with you. It’s a gift from God, as far as I’m concerned. My biggest fear now is that it won’t work out. And I’ll have lost the last great tie I have to you, and will have to finally face my future without you in it.”

He finished this speech with his eyes on the tropical vista. The setting sun. As if he couldn’t quite look her in the eye and say it all.

“Oh. Jasper…”

“I like you being there while I’m writing. When you’re not there, there’s a disturbance in the Force I can’t quite get over.”

"But you've done well enough without me all this time. It's not like we always wrote together leading up to this trip, is it?" she said gently. “Besides, I was here all the time.”

“But it's so much better with you here. And you won’t always be, will you? God, I can’t even imagine going home again now. Taking different taxis from the airport. I don’t even have a home to go to. I s’pose I’ll be checking into a hotel somewhere till I can get my feet under me again.” He chuckled. “Forget it. Forget I said it, Simpkey. I sound so desperate and needy I can’t stand myself.”

“You aren’t desperate and needy.”

“I am. I’ll be begging in a moment. Again. Haven’t I done that already?” He was blinking hard.

She surprised herself—terrified herself—by reaching for his hand beneath the frothing, roiling waters. His hand clasped hers like a lifeline and he turned to look at her, surprise in his eyes.

It was the most vulnerable she had ever seen him look. Gone was the easy charm. Gone was all his insufferably smug confidence. In the fading light he looked lost.

“Maybe I like being with you too.”

“Iris…” he reached out with his other hand slowly, tentatively, hooked a tendril of her hair back behind her ear, water dripping down his hand, onto her skin. The naked hunger in his eyes taking her breath away. “I…should go. Now before I do something to make you run away from me again.” He blinked hard again.

She closed her eyes with his touch. His fingers wavered. Then drew a wet line across her face to her mouth, traced the lines of her lips.

“I want to kiss you so bloody much,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Jasper…” she breathed against his fingers.

She wanted it too. Oh God how she wanted it.

She opened her eyes, unable to voice it. Unable to move. Willing him to do what she could not. He swallowed hard, leaned in slowly, giving her time to run.

She didn’t run.

She sighed as his lips touched hers.

He sighed. Shuddered. Moaned.

Her hand rose to his face as he kissed her, as if somehow she could contain this if she just kept her hands on his cheeks.

She knew better.

His kiss was sweet and touched with a longing that melted her heart. Softly, earnestly he kissed her, as if his whole heart was in the gesture.

“Iris…” he whispered against her cheek, and her name on his lips made her sigh. “Oh, Darling…”

“Damn you, Jasper Bloom,” she moaned as his lips trailed down her throat. “Why are you so damn good at this?”

He didn’t answer, but spurred on, he returned to her lips and took them in a searing kiss. Iris couldn’t help herself, couldn’t stop herself from responding, kissing him back with a hunger that was bone deep.

Why? Why was everything between them so bloody complicated? Oh, when he kissed her like this, all of life was so blindingly simple. There was him. And there was her. Two people who could be really very good together if only they could get out of their own way.

She broke the kiss, gasping for air, gasping for clarity.

“Iris?”

There was fear in his voice. She opened her eyes, and smiled sadly at him, caressed his face lightly. He could be so sweet sometimes. Why did he have to be so sweet?

“I could get so lost in you,” she whispered, her eyes on his beautiful mouth, touching his lips with the tip of her finger. His beautiful, talented, sensuous mouth, that did things to her she craved and adored. “I’m so scared of what you do to me. Of what you make me feel.”

“I will never give you reason to fear me again.”

He leaned in and kissed her with aching sweetness, enough to break her heart. She wanted so much to believe him. So much to lose herself in him, to let him sweep her along, to let him hypnotize her with pretty words and decadent kisses and mind-blowing sex. To let his amazing hands roam all over her. Caressing and stroking, teasing and soothing. How she loved his touch! The feeling of his hands did things to her no other man’s hands could do, as if her body knew its master’s touch, and responded to it…

The irony of it was as bitter as his kiss was sweet.

“Jasper…” and his name carried with it all the longing in her heart. The desperate desire that she didn’t dare give way to.

He heard it too. He pulled back from her, his face transforming. The pain in his eyes as he stroked her cheek.

“I will not give you up,” he whispered, his eyes more serious than she had ever seen them, “If it takes me till I’m a hundred years old, and I’m a wizened, hunchbacked old crab, I’ll win your trust back. I’ll not stop trying until I do. I’ll not leave your side either. You’ll never get rid of me, Iris Simpkins. One day you’ll be so fed up with me that you’ll marry me.” He blinked at her solemnly.

She laughed. “But if I marry you, I hardly get rid of you, do I?”

“Exactly. So either way, you’re stuck with me. Might as well take me in and enjoy me.”

“So that’s the plan, is it? To wear me down?”

“Among other things,” he said with a smile, twiddling his eyebrows at her.

“Stop it, Jasper! Please,” she said, “For the love of God, stop being so cute. You are going to be the death of me.”

“Cute!” He pulled a face. “That’s a terrible thing to say to a man!”

“Why is it terrible?”

“Teddy bears are cute. Puppies are cute. Babies are cute. Men are not.”

“Really?” she said dryly, arching an eyebrow.

“Unless ‘cute’ is a synonym for ‘fuck me now, big boy’ no man wants to be called it.”

“And what if it is a synonym for…what you just said?” She said, laughing.

“Is it?” he asked, twiddling his eyebrows at her again.

“Oh my God. You are incorrigible!”

“I have to be, to win you, don’t I? But I’m good with that. This is a marathon and not a sprint, after all. And I will win in the end.” He said, leaning back into the bubbling water, his eyes at half mast as he regarded her through his lashes. “I have to. I’m completely in love with you, Simpkey, in case you haven’t noticed. And I don’t care how long I have to keep telling you that. Or keep proving myself to you. Eventually, you will believe it. I’ll win your trust back. And then I’ll spend the rest of our lives making sure you know how very appreciative I am that you have consented to be my wife.”

She couldn’t help smiling. “You’ve got this all planned out, do you?”

“I do,” he said, eyes smoldering at her. “Ohhhhh yes I do. But…you have control of some things, you know. We’ll live wherever you like, for instance. Colors of curtains, that kind of thing.”

She sighed with exasperation and looked away. “We’re on holiday, Jasper. I think once we get back home again, you’ll realize…”

“What? What will I realize?” He asked, sitting up.

She bit her lip and shook her head.

“That I got a bit carried away out here in all this tropical paradise? That once we return to merry old England and the cold morning rain you think somehow I will realize the error of my ways and go back to Sarah on my hands and knees?”

“Not necessarily. Not to Sarah, I mean.”

“But the rest of it? You think I’m only interested because we’re stuck out here together?”

“Holiday romances are a thing.”

“Yes I know. But so is true love.”

She raised tortured eyes to his and smiled through her tears.

“Well. One thing is for sure. It will have been a lovely trip, Jasper.” She swallowed hard.

He came to her, his own eyes moist. “I swear to you, this is far more than a holiday romance, Iris. Far, far more. Don’t you know how it breaks my heart to know what I did to you? That you can’t look at me for more than five minutes without those beautiful eyes of yours welling up? And I have to live with the knowledge that _I_ put that pain in your eyes. _I_ did this to you. I will never forgive myself. And I will never stop trying to make it up to you. Even if you don’t want to marry me. You have to know that if I could reach inside of you and rip out the pain I caused you, I’d do it!” There was so much passion in his voice it staggered her.

She sobbed aloud, and he reached up a dripping hand to wipe her cheek.

They gazed at each other a long moment.

“God, why are you so sweet sometimes?” She whispered.

“I mean it,” he said. “I have never been so serious in all my life.”

“Oh Jasper, I wish I could believe you. I really do.”

“It’s okay if you don’t,” he said, taking her into his arms at last. “I’m not going anywhere. One day you’ll realize I mean what I say. And perhaps even one day you’ll be able to forgive me.”

She sighed. “Forgiveness is not really the issue. I have…or, at least I think I have, forgiven you. But to trust you again….to make you my husband, and still not know one day to the next if you will stay faithful—”

His lips were on hers in a searing kiss. Iris shuddered, sighed into him, wrapped her hands in his hair as his arms came around her. Oh, God, he felt so bloody good! He kissed her and kissed her with abandon, until she cried out and pulled him closer and closer, until she was wrapped around him as tight as she could hold him. He purred against her, nuzzling, whispering sweet words of love.

“I will. I _will_ stay faithful. Oh God, Iris…oh my sweet Iris,” his hands roamed her back, but stayed above her waist. “There's no one I want but you. Tell me what you want. Take what you want from me. I’m yours. I’m all yours. Say the word, my darling…anything you want. It’s yours for the taking.”

She buried her face in his shoulder and…mewed. They both knew what she wanted. They both wanted the same thing.

“Let me love you,” he whispered. “Even if it’s just for right now. Let me soothe you…give you what you need.”

“We can’t! Jasper, we can’t keep going like this! Oh God!”

“Hey,” he said, pulling away to find her eyes. “Tell you what. Let’s just take things one day at a time, hm? I know I…tend to jump the gun a bit. Forget I said anything,” he stroked her face softly. “Let’s just take things as they come, can we do that? Can we just…love one another? As friends? As perhaps a bit more? Anything you need…anything at all. Let me give it to you, no questions asked. No recriminations. Whether its kisses, or a cuddle, or a mind-blowing orgasm. I’m here for you.”

She started to giggle, and so did he.

“Friends with benefits? Are you seriously suggesting this?”

“For now,” he said with a twiddle of his eyebrows. “I’ll take what I can get.”

“We’ve gone from marriage proposal to friends with benefits in less than half an hour.” She said with a sigh. “I’ve got whiplash.”

“I’m in love with you, Iris Simpkins.” His eyes were serious. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I can’t…I can’t even bloody picture my life without you in it. I’ll take you any way I can get you. Anyway you’ll let me have you.” He kissed her, slow and earnest and sweet.

“Oh Jasper…” she breathed. “I just don’t know what to do with you. What to do with the way I feel about you.”

“Well,” he said with half a smile, “this is a promising start.”

He kissed her again, and she moaned into him as his arms came around her, warm and safe and sure. And they kissed and kissed, and went on kissing as the sun began to set. And she wanted to stay in his arms, to feel him hold and kiss her this way forever. And she hated herself for wanting it, for not being strong enough to push him away.

But was pushing him away even still the right thing to do?

She didn’t know anymore. Didn’t know what to believe. She was afraid, so very afraid. Afraid of believing him and having him cheat on her again. Afraid of pushing him away, only to find out he was sincere. And when he kissed her this way…oh the whole bloody world disappeared, along with all her doubts and fears.

He’d never said these things to her when they were together before. It had been the opposite, then. She’d been far more keen than he ever had. But now…oh now…he was different. So very different. Could it be possible he was telling her the truth? Did she dare believe him when he said he was in love with her?

“Iris…” he whispered against her cheek, his voice sending shivers down her spine. “Ohhhh Iris. Darling…I want you so much. I never stop wanting you, day and night.”

“Jasper…”

“Don’t tell me you don’t want me too. I know you do.”

“Just because we want each other doesn’t mean we should…”

His lips traveled across her jaw, leaving a trail of delicious little kisses all the way to her ear.

“I can’t forget yesterday. I can’t forget how great it was. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

She bit her lip.

“Just me and you…together, in our own private pool in paradise. Iris, it was so bloody good.”

“Yes,” she whispered, “Oh God yes it was!”

“I’ve wanted you all day,” he whispered. “I’m so hot for you, Babe.”

She didn’t need him to tell her that. She’d seen the evidence before he even climbed in with her. She could feel him pressing hard against her belly as she clung to him.

“Tell me you’re not hot for me. Tell me.”

With a cry she pressed him back against the wall of the hot tub, straddling his lap, rubbing herself against him.

“Yes! Yes I am so bloody, fucking hot for you, Jasper Bloom! You know it damn good and well. I’m so hot for you I can hardly breathe. And I can’t forgive myself for wanting you so bloody badly!” She screamed the words at him through gritted teeth. "And I hate you for it!"

He gazed up at her worshipfully.

“Ohhhhh, God yes,” he breathed. “Hate me. Punish me, Iris. Take it all out on me. Every last bit of it.”

“Damn you Jasper Bloom! Damn you! I don’t want to want you!”

He groaned, reaching beneath her with his hand, sliding his fingers against her body, exactly where she ached the most.

“Oh shit! Oh my God!” Iris threw her head back, body arched against him as he closed his mouth against a nipple and sucked her hard through her bikini top, nibbling, sending exquisite pleasure shooting through her body.

She closed her hands in his hair, and then—finally—wrenched him away from her, seeking his lips with her own and grinding her mouth hard against his.

He melted in her arms, purring beneath her as she untied her bikini bottoms herself and threw them up on the edge of the hot tub.

He was free and ready for her already when she straddled him, his eyes glazed with lust as she sank down on him, taking him all in.

“Ohhh yes! God, yes!! Ride me, Iris. Ride me so fucking hard!"

She threw her head back, moaning, as he matched her hips, thrust for thrust, driving himself inside her so deep, filling her so perfectly, every movement of his body caressing every part of her that needed to feel him so bad…

“Harder!” she cried out between clenched teeth, slamming herself down on him.

“Fuck, yes! Iris! Oh fuck, Iris!!”

She screamed her frustration. Her anger. Her confusion. Tears rolling down her face unchecked.

“I loved you!! I loved you so bloody much! You tore my guts out! Fuck you! I hate you! I love you! I don’t know what the fuck to do with you, Jasper Bloom!”

He was incoherent beneath her, his movements wild and hard and fast, driving into her with abandon. She was starving for him! She was fucking furious with him! And the more angry she was the harder she rode him.

It broke upon her like a storm. She screamed and bucked against him wildly--her anger, her passion, her fear and her longing and God yes, her love for him--all rolled up in to one catastrophic fucking orgasm that tore through her body and soul like a gale, through her and through him and surrounding them both inside their own private hurricane as they came together, their cries twisting and soaring more and more and higher and higher. Entwined. One.

It was so long, and so hard, and so fucking good.

She shuddered as the storm left her body, and collapsed, boneless and spent, into Jasper's waiting arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops! Here we go again! Now what?


	19. I Fall to Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You may remember, Readers, that Chapter 18 ends with Jasper and Iris in the hot tub, in the passionate throws of a second intimate encounter. This chapter picks up exactly there. But when the moment fades, where exactly does that leave them? The ground beneath their feet is unsteady. Will their delicate truce survive this latest upheaval?
> 
> *NSFW*
> 
> *Profanity warning*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I fall to pieces  
Each time I see you again  
I fall to pieces  
How can I be just your friend?
> 
> You want me to act like we've never kissed  
You want me to forget  
Pretend we've never met 
> 
> And I've tried and I've tried  
But I haven't yet  
You walk by and I fall to pieces
> 
> I fall to pieces  
Each time someone speaks your name  
I fall to pieces  
Time only adds to the flame
> 
> You tell me to find someone else to love  
Someone who loves me too  
The way you used to do 
> 
> But each time I go out with someone new  
You walk by and I fall to pieces..."  
(Patsy Cline, 1961).

**Chapter 19--I Fall to Pieces**

_Ohhh...bloody, bollocking hell!_

Jasper had never. _Never!_ Come. So. _Hard!_

And for so long, as Iris's body squeezed and squeezed around him in her climax, draining him dry.

He'd never seen her in this mood before! She was pissed as hell at him, he knew, but _ohhhh, dear God!_ She was every fantasy he'd ever had! Like a vision from his wettest dream, slamming herself down on him, ferocious, insatiable for him--all for him, only for him--for his cock inside of her, his and his alone. Only he could please her--soothe her--bring her to shattering orgasm. 

As long as he lived, he would never experience anything so fucking glorious again in all his life.

Unless he could convince her to marry him.

She cried out at last, and fell on top of him, all boneless, soft, cuddly woman, melting into him as the hot water bubbled and frothed around them, the pool a glowing turquoise in the purple twilight, under a canopy of endless stars. He wrapped his arms around her, cuddling her close. He never wanted to let her go ever again.

"I love you," were the first syllables he could slur together. "I love you, Iris."

She shook in his arms, and he realized belatedly she was crying.

"Oh no, please don't." _Not while I'm still inside you! I can't bear it!_ "Please don't cry, Iris. Shhh...it's okay Babe. Everything's all okay..."

"I don't fucking know what to do with you, Jasper Bloom! I don't know what to do anymore!" Her hands, curled weakly into fists, beat his chest so lightly he barely felt the touch. It would have been cute if she wasn't so serious. 

"Shhh...Iris...shhh..." he smoothed her hair. "You don't have to know what to do with me right now."

"What the hell did I just do?"

He chuckled softly into her hair and nuzzled her. "Gave me the ride of my life."

She cried harder. "I've never done anything like this before! I like sweet sex! What have I done?"

"I like sweet sex too," he whispered, smiling. "But every once in a while, wild, angry sex is good too."

"Is that what this was?" She sniffled.

"Yes," he nuzzled against her hair. "I'd say so."

"You're...you're not mad at me?"

"Why should I be?"

"I think I might have just used you for sex."

"No. You didn't. You didn't, Darling,” he smiled at her while he smoothed his hand through her hair softly. “Sex has different moods. Different reasons, that's all. But it's all still good for two people who love each other."

She raised her eyes to his, searching. She looked so lost. So indescribably beautiful.

"Do we?" She whispered, as if afraid of the answer. "Do we love each other, Jasper?"

"Yes Darling," he said soothingly, kissing the tip of her nose. "I think its safe to say we do." He leaned in and kissed her--sweet and gentle and warm, and she returned his kiss with a sigh.

Jasper's heart threatened to explode with joy as he melted into her kiss. This was everything he wanted. For the whole rest of his bloody life. Just him and Iris. In a tropic paradise, kissing and making love beneath the stars.

He never wanted to leave Belize. Ever.

As if divining his thoughts though, Iris broke the kiss suddenly.

"Oh, God. What time is it?"

"Relax. We've got about five minutes," Jasper said nonchalantly.

"Five minutes!" Iris exploded into motion, scrambling off of his lap in a cascade of water. Jasper fell out of her with a sigh of regret as she slipped out of his arms and away from him. He watched her clamber back to the steps as he put himself back in his trunks, watched her hoist herself out of the hot tub, naked on bottom, and groaned again.

He would never. Ever. Stop lusting for her. Not ever. And the sight of her beautiful--

"--Jasper! Stop ogling my bottom and come on! We've got to check in!"

"Relax, Simpkey," he said, moving to the side of the hot tub where he had a delicious view straight up her legs. "We've only got to go in there! We've got loads of time!"

"No we don't! We have to dry off! At least, one of us does! Oh, God!!"

She reached for her towel and began the process.

"Bollocks," he said, rising up out of the hot tub himself with a sigh. "I was hoping I could talk you in to letting me dry you off."

"You are impossible!" She said, half laughing.

"It never hurts to ask, does it?"

"Dry yourself off, Jasper Bloom," she said and tossed him a towel. 

He sighed again. "I was rather hoping I could talk you into doing that, too." 

She laughed and shook her head at him as halfheartedly he toweled at himself, but almost as soon as the smile crept across her face, it disappeared again. "Oh my God! What have we done! We have got to stop doing this! I've got to stop jumping your bones!"

"No you most certainly do not."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry--"

"Heeey--" he went to her, took her frantic hands in his. She had tied the towel around her body, the knot tantalizingly in between her perfect breasts. Her hair was wet, her makeup beginning to run. And she had never looked more beautiful. "Simpkey."

She quieted in his hands, and her eyes met his.

Afraid he would ruin the moment somehow if he spoke, he let himself drown in her bottomless eyes as long as he could. Then slowly, carefully, he leaned in and kissed her gently and tenderly, until he felt the tension leave her body and she melted into his touch. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he whispered against her. "Do you hear me? Nothing."

She sighed against him. "I just...I don't know what came over me."

"Well. I'd like to think it was me being my irresistible self," he said, twiddling his eyebrows at her, making her laugh. "So kindly don't disabuse me of the notion."

"Oh Jasper. I'm just so embarrassed."

"Don't be. There is no shame between us." He let his hands drift down her arms and laced his fingers between hers. "Come on. Let's get this over with, shall we?"

* * *

Norm had definitely noticed something was up. He'd taken one look at the two of them, sopping wet and somewhat dazed as they were, raised an eyebrow and said nothing. Iris was so ashamed she could hardly speak, and Jasper had to carry most of the conversation.

"Well, yesterday's column was an absolute triumph," Norm said finally. "Well done, you two. See...didn't I say you work well together? Your audience is eating this up. And from what you're telling me about today, this has real potential for being even bigger."

"This has been a big day," Jasper said, rubbing the back of his neck idly with one hand. "It might take us a bit longer to write it all up."

"How much longer?"

Iris knew that tone of voice. She and Jasper exchanged glances. He was trying to buy her time, but their boss wasn't having it.

"Now look, the pair of you," Norm said sternly. "I don't mind if you're shagging. As long as this column is complete with its usual level of brilliancy, I don't care if you shag each other's brains out all damned day and night otherwise. But this column must be done, and on time! With content, too! If your work output begins to suffer, your personal business becomes _my_ business. Do we understand each other? Jasper?"

"I promise you, Norm! We've been hard at it--er, work, I mean."

Iris closed her eyes in mortification.

"Good! Now I expect at least three more entries to these daily columns, and one bang up finale at the end. With video!"

"Understood."

"And if you do not reach my high level of expectation from you both for any of it, Jasper Bloom, I'm holding you personally responsible."

Jasper nodded in reply, and then Norm turned to her.

"Simpkins. I want to see that million pound smile of yours radiating from the pages of these columns. And I want to see it in real time too. Should I hold Jasper responsible for that too?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Everything is fine. Good."

"Don't hurt my girl, Jasper. Or you'll have me to answer to."

"I'll do my best."

He disconnected the call.

"Am I smiling enough in any of those damned photos you took today?" She said with her head propped on her hand.

"All of them."

"Good. Thank God for that."

Check-in complete, they ordered room service for dinner, and set about the business of writing their daily column. This was safer ground at least, and the necessity of focusing on work gave Iris a chance to try and regroup.

Sex with Jasper was mind-blowingly fantastic. There was no point in denying it. There was no point in denying how she craved his touch. His lips upon her skin, to say nothing of his—well. His warmth alone when he stood close to her was enough to thrill her. And when he put those amazing hands on her, and whispered in her ear, when she found him gazing at her as if she was his entire world, those beautiful jade green eyes of his undid her, the way they always had.

Worst of all, both times they'd shagged, _she'd_ initiated. She'd practically begged him. And today, she'd thrown herself at him and shagged him with a ferocity that humiliated and scared her. But oh, how his eyes had devoured her. Worshiped her as she rode him. He had loved it. And damned if it wasn’t the best damned orgasm she’d ever had.

He caught her eyes from across the table and grinned, twiddling his eyebrows at her as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. And he probably did. She averted her gaze and felt her cheeks flame as she refocused with manic attention on her article. But soon she felt a little...nudge...under the table. His foot, touching hers.

She looked up to find his eyes on hers, his chin propped on his hand as he grinned at her.

"Hallo Simpkey."

She sighed. "I'm trying to concentrate!"

"I can't. I'm distracted."

"Are you? I hadn't noticed."

He nodded. "Your beauty distracts me. And the memory of you bouncing up and down in my lap just now distracts me mightily."

"Look," she said, arching an eyebrow of her own. "You heard Norm just now. We've got to crack on with this. The sooner its over, the sooner we can...talk."

"Mmmm...yes. I want to _talk_ all night. With you."

"Jasper, stop it! Please! We've got to finish this! You heard what he said--if we don't produce we won't get to do this again."

He sighed dramatically. "Right, all right," he said, pouting as he turned his attention back to his screen, leaving Iris once more alone with her thoughts.

What the bloody hell was she going to do with Jasper now? Perhaps she should just give in. Go ahead and make things official. Stop fighting it, and see this whole thing through to whatever end. Perhaps they'd gone too far not to now.

They finished their drafts, and like they'd done the night before, traded computers and read each other's columns.

"Jasper," she said, feeling herself smile and blush at the same time.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing...the column is great. Apart from a few minor errors--here, look, you've got a comma splice. And a subject-verb agreement problem here. And I think that last paragraph could use a bit more transition." She let him correct his mistakes, and came back to her point. "Jasper..." she sighed. "These pictures of me...and the way you talk about me. I think you should...well...tone it down a bit."

"Why?" He blinked at her.

"The whole column reads like you're crushing on me. And I'm sure the readers are likely to pick up on it. Can't you make it sound a bit more friendly in tone? Like we're just...colleagues, or friends? _Without_ benefits."

"Well, I think at some point our readers are going to figure things out, aren't they? You know. When we announce our engagement. Besides, this gives them something to speculate on. Drives our readership up. And the male readers will love this picture of you in the hot tub. God, you don't half look beautiful, Iris." He blinked winningly at her. 

"Sorry, did I miss something? What engagement?"

"Well...whenever it comes."

"Jasper..." she took a deep breath. She didn't want to broach the engagement issue yet. Not until after this was submitted. "I truly don't want our readers speculating on my--our--personal lives like that. I'm not comfortable with it."

"At some point they will put two and two together, you know."

"But we're not there yet. And I'm not comfortable with this as it is. Please. I think the picture is pushing it but I can accept that, so long as you tone the rest of it down."

"Right. Okay." He sighed dramatically and took his laptop back. "Yours was perfect, as usual," he said drolly.

"I sincerely doubt that. Are you sure?"

"Well apart from the bits I already pointed out, yes. Okay, try this, then." He gave her his laptop, and talked her through the changes.

"Yes. Yes, this is much better. Thank you."

"Of course. Well with your approval then, I'm submitting."

"Me too." She clicked the send button and sighed. "Now. I suppose I should go through some comments."

"Later," he said, pulling her away from her computer. "I can't wait anymore."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her sweetly, sighing as he did so. "God, Simpkey," he chuckled. "I love a quickie as much as the next bloke, but next time we do this, let's take our time a bit, hmm? I'm starving for you."

Footsteps outside on the stairs leading to their cabana startled them apart. Jasper went to the door and collected their dinner, bringing it back in.

"Right," he said, "One candlelight takeaway dinner, at your service."

"Candlelight dinner?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Do we even have any candles?"

"Ah, well, I dunno. Doesn't matter, if we don't. We're alone. And finally together. I feel like celebrating."

"Jasper..." she sighed. "Look...about being together...."

That was all she had to say. His shoulders sagged.

"I... I don't know... God, I'm such a mess! And you, you...just broke up with Sarah... I mean...what the hell are we doing?"

"Babe..." he came to her, took her hands in his warm grasp. Drew her closer. "It's called being in love. As in, I'm in love with you, and you are in love with me. It's called, finally figuring out which end is up, what is really most important and what you want more than anything in the world. I realize I've screwed up and I've let you down and I hurt you abominably. But Iris, I promise you, I never will again. I am so yours! So entirely yours..." he drew her in and kissed her. "I want to be all yours, officially, Darling, more than anything else in the world," he breathed against her mouth. "Take me. Please..." he trailed his fingers down her neck. "I don't want anyone else, ever again. I want to belong to _you_. And I want_ you_ to belong to _me_."

He kissed her so sweetly. Deep, languid, slow, hypnotic kisses, as if he had all the time in the world to love her. As if he wanted to take all the time in the world to do just that...

_The thrill of the chase_, she reminded herself. And he knew exactly how to chase her now--what she wants to hear, how she likes to be touched, to be snogged...

She broke the kiss with regret. "I need...time. To think, to... God. Jasper, this is all so much. So fast."

"Darling," he said, pulling back from her a little, taking her face into his hands. "It's going to be so different now. I swear to you."

"Look. We are not--that is--I'm not sure we're back together. I mean, obviously, I still have feelings for you. And you say you have them for me. I think it's pretty obvious that physically we--"

"--Oh yes we do."

"Yeah. Anyway so... I want to make sure we're both on the same page here. I am not committing to you. I've not said yes to anything, so please stop acting as though I have. We are not together. I need time, Jasper. I need the freedom to sort myself out. To figure out if I'm truly going to go through this with you again. If I dare. I understand you don't want to hurt me and you say you won't but, I need proof of that. And I don't think that can be found here in the jungle. I want to go home first. I need to see it for myself that when you are faced with Sarah again--or any other woman who comes on to you--that you really will choose me. Even if I'm not there, and she is."

He sighed and released her. "Right. Okay."

"I'm sorry..."

"Iris... I'm drowning here. I am. I'm drowning in mixed messages. You stand here and say this to me, and yet a few hours ago..."

"I know... God, I'm sorry. Truly. I am a complete, utter mess right now."

"I guess I'm just struggling with the fact that you have no problems shagging me, but you don't actually want to _be_ with me. Whereas I want to shag you,_ and_ be with you."

"It's not that I don't want to be with you!"

"Oh really? You could have fooled me!"

"Oh--right! So I'm the loose one, now, am I? I'm suddenly the one who only wants a quick shag!"

"I didn’t mean that!”

“You implied it!”

“Well what the bloody hell do you want then, Iris? If not a quick shag, then what? For God's sake, just _tell_ me!"

"Where the bloody hell do_ you_, of_ all_ people, get off lecturing_ me_ about commitment, Jasper Bloom?! You couldn't even commit to me when we were together before, nor even to your fiance when you were engaged! And now you're acting like_ I'm_ the one with the commitment problem!"

"Maybe I've figured out what I want now!"

"Well maybe I haven't!"

"You certainly knew what you wanted earlier tonight!"

"Oh! And what was all that chat then, about no strings attached? Just loving each other, isn't that what you said? Was that all utter bollocks to get into my knickers?"

"I was thirsty as hell for you after all your teasing!"

"_My_ teasing?! _My teasing_, was it? And you're being randy 24/7 is an excuse to say and do anything you don't actually mean? A ‘get out of jail free’ card that applies to everything? Well, now we finally arrive at the truth of it, don't we. This has always been your problem! Everything is fine until you get a cock stand and then all bets are off! Well this is your cock talking now too, Jasper Bloom. All these sweet nothings...that is _precisely_ what they are! What they mean to you--nothing! Well, that's it. That's bloody it! Take your nothing and sod off! Do not touch me again. Do not even_ speak_ to me again. From now on, its business only between us. We are _not_ lovers. We are not even _friends_. Do you understand me?"

He stood still during her tirade. His face bleak.

"Iris..."

She turned her head with a sob. "I don't think I'm hungry anymore." She choked on a sob before turning and bolting to her room.

Damn, why couldn't she at least have a door to slam on him?

* * *

Jasper took the still steaming food and tidied it away into the small fridge with shaking hands. He could barely process what had just happened. How could he be so stupid? Stupid from start to finish. She was so fragile. Why had he pushed her so hard? Now he'd done it. He'd well and truly done it. He'd ruined everything. _Everything._

The sound of her great, hiccuping sobs followed him to his room, where he silently shut the door, choking on a sob of his own.

* * *

Hours later, Jasper sat up in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. As knackered as he was, he still couldn't sleep. Trying was pointless. Half starved as well as exhausted, he opened the door of his room quietly. He needed something to eat. Even if it was only a banana to settle him enough to sleep. He made for the kitchenette as soundlessly as he could, to keep from waking Iris. But as he drew closer to her room, he could tell she wasn't exactly having the best of all nights, either.

He couldn't help himself. He wandered to her doorway. It would hurt nothing but his own heart to indulge himself in a glimpse of her when he couldn't disturb her. Couldn't anger her anymore. But she tossed and turned so, and sounds of distress were coming from her.

"No! Please...no!" She cried in a plaintive voice.

Her cry ripped a fresh hole in his battered heart.

She tossed and turned, her face contorted with fear or sadness, he couldn’t tell. Bollocks, could she not even get any peace when she slept?

Jasper felt like he was intruding. But at the same time...how could he leave her like this? He stayed there several more minutes, waging his own internal battle, frozen to the spot in indecision, his body twitching to go to her. To hold her.

"Come back!" she wailed..."NOOO!"

That was all it took. He was by her side before he could think any farther. Climbing over to her on the large bed.

"Noo! Nooo! NOO!!_ Jasper!!!_"

"Iris?" He whispered her name, startled to hear her call out to him. "Shhhhh...it's okay...everything's okay... I'm here... Everything is all okay...." He took her, still sleeping, into his arms. Drew her close. So close. He squeezed his eyes against the pleasure-pain of holding her, knowing that as soon as she woke, he’d be banished again.

She startled awake.

"Jasper?"

"Yes. I'm here, Darling. Everything is okay." He held his breath as she turned in his arms.

* * *

He was here. He was safe. She was safe. It was only a dream.

"Oh God! Jasper... I'm sorry..." She curled against his chest, nestling close. “So sorry!”

"I'm sorry too," he whispered, stroking her back, soothing her with his touch as only he could do.

It was a time before either of them spoke, both retreating into awkwardness. But oh, how good he felt! He was here...he was safe and alive. And he hadn't left her. 

"Can you ever forgive me?" She said.

"Oh..." he huffed a sigh, "Of course I can, Darling. If you can forgive me?"

"Forgiven," she said, nestling closer. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"It's my fault you are. And I'm sorry I was dickhead tonight about everything."

"No you weren't. You were right about what you said."

"No, you were. I was being selfish."

"We've both been a bit selfish lately, you're hardly alone in that."

He chuckled. "You can be selfish with me all you want, Iris. Come and rock my world any time you like. There is no part of me off limits to you. Now or ever."

"You're very sweet, but that would hardly be fair of me, would it?"

"I don't care. My cards are all on the table. I want you. I want you so bloody much, and I've never been surer of anything in all my life. Just please—never send me away.”

His words went straight to her heart, and she closed her eyes tight against the tears.

"But don't you think, after awhile--"

"--I'll be _happy_. Now, or twenty years from now. Forevermore, I'll be _happy_ with you, Iris. I'll never be bored ever again. I want a life with you and only you--forever." He planted a kiss in her hair.

"But what if you're wrong? Not that you are lying to me, but what if--I'm really not enough for you? What if this is all a dream? A beautiful, impossible dream, and when we get home, you realize you were wrong?"

"And what if when we get home, _you_ realize I was_ right?"_

She looked up at him, saw his eyebrows waggle in the darkness, and had to smile.

"Oh Jasper! What you love is _this_ part. The thrill of the chase. The only reason you're so in love with me right now is because you haven't caught me yet. When you do, you will lose interest. Then it will only be a matter of time before someone else comes by you that you fancy more and I'll be the boring little wife at home. You’ll not want me anymore."

He sighed. "There was a time in my life that I admit—that was true. When we first met, it certainly was. And then I met you. And what I felt for you then bloody well terrified me. I wasn't ready. I got--scared. And I...well, like all cowards I found it was easier to run away then face my fears. I spent a long time hiding, Iris." He traced his hand lightly over her arm. "But no more. You are everything I want. Everything I need." 

There was such conviction--such passion in his voice. His hands reached into her hair, combing it through his fingers. 

He was so sincere. Whatever the truth of the matter was, she knew that he was telling her his truth as far as he understood it himself—for now. Whether or not he would love her when they got home remained to be seen. Either way, it was far too late to protect her own heart from him again. 

She raised her lips to his.

"You genuinely do say the sweetest things sometimes."

He smiled happily, and the clouds lifted from his eyes. "I am sorry about earlier."

"So am I."

"I thought I had lost you for good. That you'd never speak to me again."

"So did I, actually. What am I going to do with you, Jasper Bloom?" she said, exasperated, seeking his eyes. 

"Marry me," he smiled. "Please."

She laughed, shaking her head.

"Or at the very least, live with me, and we'll be friends with benefits until you come to your senses and make an honest man of me."

"Well. I do quite like having you in my bed," she said, kissing his chest.

"That's convenient, because I quite like being here."

"Dammit."

"What?"

"I knew this would happen."

"What would?"

"Us. Sharing a cabana. It's been all of three days and I haven't a boundary left standing between you and me."

"I have none where you are concerned, either." He combed his hand idly through her hair. "Boundaries are so overrated, anyway."

She half laughed, half cried against his chest. 

"What were you dreaming about just now? When you woke?"

She sighed as he stroked her hair, submitting to the heaven of his touch. 

"Oh. It was foolish really."

"Tell me."

"I dreamed that you and I were ziplining, and then--I lost sight of you. I climbed the ladder to the platform and...you were out there, sailing through the trees. And then suddenly the cable just--snapped. You--you disappeared into the leaves of the trees below. And I knew I'd--I'd lost--"

He drew her up to him and kissed her. Pulled her hard against him and kissed her deeply. 

"I was so scared..."

"Hush now," he whispered. "I am here. You can't get rid of me that easily**."**

Iris squeezed her eyes shut and let out a ragged breath that was half a sob. 

"I'm glad," she said, burrowing into his chest and releasing herself to the moment. "I'm so glad."

* * *

Jasper wrapped his arms around Iris and kissed her. Life was so much simpler, so perfect every time they kissed! Everytime she was in his arms. 

She had a nightmare about losing him. She had called out to him, afraid, seeking him. It warmed his heart to overflowing.

"I am here," he whispered. "Darling, I am right here. I am safe**."**

He held her, stroked her hair, a strange sort of double-vision coming over him. As if he could see himself far in the future, holding her just this way, the silky strands of her strawberry tresses slipping through his fingers as she sighed against him. Someday those strands may be white. And his hand a bit more gnarled. But he would still stroke her just this way, and tease her gently about their time long ago in Belize, ten or so grandchildren ago, when she didn’t believe him that it was forever.

He planted a kiss in her hair again, overcome by the beauty of it, by the burning in his heart that told him it must be--it could be no other way. That she loved him, he was in no doubt. He knew she felt it too--the forever that was between them. That was in their every touch. But to get her to acquiesce...to surrender to the inevitable. That was the final obstacle. 

Still. He'd come a long way just in the last hour alone. He lay his cheek against her hair, snuggling her with a sigh of contentment. If he could just keep himself from doing and saying anything else so stupid again, that would be half the battle. 

"D'you want me to leave you alone?" He whispered, praying the answer would be no. 

"No," she said, nuzzling into him with a sigh. "Unless you want to go."

"No," he gave her a squeeze. "God, no I don't want leave you, ever."

"Then stay, Jasper," she sighed, stroking his chest idly. "Stay and hold me." 

He kissed her and sighed with contentment, happily settling himself down to sleep again with far more peace in his heart then when he'd started the night in his own bedroom.

"Goodnight Darling," he whispered, and closed his eyes. "Sleep tight. I've got you. And I won't let go." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, readers, that it's been such a long time since I last updated this story. I've been sitting on this chapter a long time, listening to Jasper and Iris get into this fight, derailing their romantic evening completely, asking them if this was truly what needed to happen here. It was one of those times as a writer where I think the chapter is going one way, and by the time I get to the end I've wondered exactly what just happened. It was the same for our two characters. From the hot tub on, they've been asking the same question as I. But this needed to happen. Hot tub through argument and beyond. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the update. Please feel free to leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts. They are always much appreciated!


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